Sgo advice

[Dedodedo]

Hi I'm after some advice if anybody can help, I have 3 children, in 2020 I became to have problems with alcohol and social services became involved, in early 2021 things became worse with me and the 2 younger children went to stay with there dad and eldest went with my mum (dad was extremely emotionally abusive to eldest only and why we split) so eldest couldn't and wouldn't go with dad. I maintained regular contact with the children at least 3 times a week for younger 2, and everyday for eldest. I was in the clutches of alcoholism and mental health problems, in 2022 they put a plo in place but then later dropped it if I agreed to a sgo for eldest with my mum, that was almost a year ago, nothing happened or said for many months, in the past year I have got much better and sober, eldest returned to live with me 4 months ago, we've seen huge improvement in his behaviour and happiness since, ss know eldest living here and going well, they still want me to consent for a sgo and say it is only as a backup incase I relapse, that he can stay living here? Is this correct as everything I read online says sgo holder is main carer etc and it's for children who can't live with there parents, I just don't know if this is right? They just keep saying they want to close the case and want sgo just incase I was to relapse but say it is ok to carry on living together aslong as I stay on the sober path can anyone advise? They want me and my mum to do this privately between ourselves, they were happy with him living here as my mum was seen as a protective factor as she checks in with us etc

No it wouldn't usually be appropriate to have an SGO for a child who lives with their parent!
do you have legal advice?

Under PLO you will have been represented, what was their advice

Did proceedings commence?

How did your eldest come to live with you, with grandmothers permission? Does she have a CAO?

What is the child currently open as?

Has an SGO assessment taken place, did your mother make application?

was represented on the plo, that was last summer, she advised we agree to do the sgo and the plo was dropped, he was staying with my mum about 4 nights a week and 3 nights roughly with me at that time. After plo was dropped the manager left and we didn’t really have much involvement and nothing was said about sgo for a good few months, I’ve since become abstinent and doing well for 5 months. There is no order on my son he’s 14 it was a private family arrangement between me and my mum, she had the assessment and passed, he’s been living with me for about 4 months, ss know, my mum supports us and checks in etc, if I was to relapse son would stay with her, they now want me to consent and do a sgo privately between us, ss are not taking it to court, they said they would pay the fee about 230, they say it is just a back up option incase I was to relapse and that aslong as I don’t relapse things can stay as they are with son living with me but it just doesn’t correlate to what I read online, I am his main carer at present, they have no issues with my parenting except from the alcohol, they want this so they can close the case he is on child in need

I think because his dad is also unable and unwilling to care for him if I relapsed they want someone else with pr? If this is true I wouldn't necessarily be against it as I obviously want safe options for my son and I have a great relationship with my mum, I obviously hope I will not relapse and I understand ss are concerned but it just doesn't seem the right option, as he lives here and I do all his caring and parenting, it is only the concern if I relapse, I've never exercised my pr to the detriment of my son I was always in support of my son staying with my mum when I was unwell so she has never needed over riding pr, they are putting pressure on to consent but it doesn't feel right to me

No child should be subject to an order that isnt necessary, its the Principle of No Order

Having said that, many things in your description dont make sense. If your mother applies to have the SGO which she would need to do, the court would of course be involved and would want to see updating assessments, both of your parenting and his needs, as well as her assessment of course.

Ss aren’t taking it to court thereselves, they want my mum to take it to court (they will pay), I gave consent before as I thought it was something I had to do and I agreed upon to have the plo dropped, but things didn’t move after plo dropped, I got sober so things are different, I withdrew my consent 2 months ago, my mum and a sgo advisor from ss had done all the paperwork to send to court and then I withdrew consent as I had been looking after him for 2 months, they asked me to reconsider it but not much said, then just this week putting pressure on as it enables them to close sons case with ss, I am going to get legal advice but I don’t have much money as to can he stay living here on a sgo as I just don’t believe that it doesn’t seem right to me

Yes he can stay with you under an SGO to your mum - your mum would have the decision making over where he lives. It's just a bit nonsensical for her to apply for an order with no intention of having him come live with her.

I know I agree and it just doesn't seem the right option, I think they are trying to cover thereselves? I suppose they there selves would take it to court if it were necessary? I know 5 months isn't long to say wether I will relapse or not but I have put myself into recovery groups,aa and im on intense cbt, I didn't receive help with any of this from ss, mental health is now stable without the alcohol and things looking up in my life, I am just worried as I am in private court with the dad of my 2 children for there arrangements as I wanted a bit more stability that they could push for this sgo for older son

The court is highly unlikely to grant an SGO to your mother in these circumstances (due to aforementioned No Order principle) and if CYP social workers were truly concerned at this stage they'd reopen the PLO process (at which point you would be entitled to legal aid funded advice) whereas if this is a "private" application between you and grandmother of the child (even if CYP meets her costs) you won't receive legal aid funded advice thus presumably won't be entirely about the full implications of potential outcomes. I'd suggest that you leave matters as they are and wish you all the best with your continued recovery.

I called family rights group this morning for free advice, they are saying they also don't think it's the appropriate thing for our situation and they couldn't imagine a judge ordering it even if I were to consent and my mum happy to do it, she said there could be other ways to get reassurance for social services such as a safety plan we both sign even though that wouldn't be legally binding or even a child arrangement order, or as we've never had issues of me not letting my son go to stay with her we could carry on as we are as if I relapsed I know I wouldn't try to stop that, I know they are keen to close his case and we don't have much involvement anymore, he is on cin which is voluntary, but when I go to court privately for other 2 will the judge include eldest in the decisions, I haven't put him on the application as I'm not seeking arrangements for him with the dad, I've been having the younger 2 about 70 percent last few months, but the dad can be difficult and constantly threatens to stop it all so that is why I applied and am asking for 50/50 with dad