Child's dad is taking me to court

[needadvice777]

I have a 10 month old DD with my ex. He's been extremely inconsistent since day one e.g. turning up late to visits, sometimes not turning up at all and has had long periods of absences. Due to this, he has never had DD on his own as his relationship with her is non existent. I have offered visits in public places (e.g. the park) and this happened for two weeks before he decided he now wants to have her on his own. I have not allowed this as DD barely knows him and I was hoping to have more supervised visits so he can build up a bond with her before he has her on his own.

He has decided he wants to take me to court. Can anyone who has been through this or has any experience in this area advise what a likely outcome of court would be? Thanks in advance

I did wonder if it was the same poster. There were two threads running concurrently- one the Mother and one the Fathers Mother.

Last I checked it was £215 for a C100 court application. If on a low income or benefits though, this cost could be reduced to 0.

If using a lawyer, depending on the complexity of the case, you're looking at £2000 - £20,000. All depends on a variety of factors.

It can be fairly cheap (represent yourself) or very expensive (using solicitors)

Some info here Going to court - Get help with child arrangements (justice.gov.uk)

I'm not aware that thread but it does sound very similar to my situation.

I am the mum of three grown up boys and number two's dad did the same. He was in the army and would never agree to anything set, would phone at a moments notice and expect me to drop everything.
Firstly I would apply for child maintenance. I was lied to repeatedly and was afraid to challenge him until ds2 was 13/14. I thought he was paying a fair amount. Turns out he wasn't. He then paid the correct amount until he was 18. It helps to have boundaries.

The one thing I am glad I did with all my children though was keep the door open. I can't say it didn't boil my piss but they have a decent relationship. DS is under no illusion as to what he is like... some years he didn't see him at all but I wanted him to make his own decision and he thanks me for it.

It didn't get easier than until DS was older mind you. And lastly and I mean this kindly... I felt better when I was less controlling. I told him initially what he could do and when. I wish I had left the ball in his court. Work out when you are Available and then ask him how he sees it working. And grit your teeth. Doesn't mean you love them less. You have to separate your feelings and what is best for your child. And under most circumstances it will be better to Cultivate that relationship.

Given that 90% of single parents are women, I think world has a far greater problem with the feckless sperm donors who cant provide the basics of care for their own children, rather than with the women who are left picking up all the pieces.

I signed up to mumsnet just to respond to your post. Your case is very similar to mine and I have the benefit of hindsight (7 years of problems, 3 in court).

First of all, as the primary carer of the child, it’s perfectly within your rights to refuse unsupervised contact if you think it is unsafe for the child. The father’s lack of engagement and familiarity with the child’s needs are valid reasons for concern.
That said, some kind of contact arrangements will need to be made and, as a previous poster said, you need to set clear boundaries now.

I wouldn’t worry about him taking you to court now – court requires money, time and effort, which he doesn’t seem willing to give. What worries me is his threat to take you to court, as he might continue to use it in the future to make you agree to any other demands he has. Your child is only 10 months old, this could go on for the next 15 years if you don’t stop it now.

I think you should show him you are not afraid of court, but you also need to prepare for possibly going to court in the future. Keep as many communications as possible in writing (texts and emails are ok). Always be civil and composed and don’t engage in arguments. Make notes of dates/times he was late or didn’t show up.

Most importantly, make a reasonable plan of how you propose to build up contact and how future permanent contact arrangements should be. Include a timeline and clear rules (e.g. if he is late for x minutes, the visit is called off) and send it to him in writing.
Do not negotiate for too long. If your proposals remain too different after a couple of discussions, or if he is unwilling to negotiate, initiate mediation. If mediation doesn’t work, go to court and get a child arrangements order.
I hope you know that without a court order saying that the child lives with you, the father has exactly the same rights as you, e.g. the police won’t help you if he refuses to return the child after a visit.

I’m not saying it will get to that point – as other posters have said, he might lose interest. I’m saying that if he’s being difficult and refuses to cooperate, there is a good chance he will continue to do so in the future, and you should take steps to protect your child and yourself.

About CMS: you have every right to require that he pays his fair share for his child. However, you should be aware that many court applications by fathers demanding 50-50 shared care (which is usually granted) are triggered by the mother’s CMS application, as 50-50 means the father needs to pay nothing. I have no advice on this, I just think you should know it.

Sorry for the long post, I hope some of this helped. I wish you the best of luck.

@Are23 What has the father done that indicates he is unsafe for the child? The child has a right to a relationship with its father and any mother does not have the right to interfere with that right, unless there are clear safeguarding concerns. This doesn't include not being involved for 10 months as that is not a danger to the child as deemed by a court. It's not ideal, but the fact is, the father wants to build a relationship now which should be encouraged.

From the information provided, there is no reason why the father cannot have his child unsupervised for a couple of hours and slowly build up that contact. It's not fair or right to have the mother watching and interfering with that contact.

50/50 is not usually granted at all. For a 10 month old baby, this is not likely when a dad has shown little interest to date. Plus the OP doesn’t have parenting issues as far as we know. It’s also not pass the parcel with the baby. Routine and needs of the child are important. That is not to say Dad cannot be accommodated for planned visits and mediation is definitely something you should explore first. If he will agree.

There are many Facebook groups out there who will help you self represent look into getting a makenzie friend too

My experience of child arrangement rules is that children are goods to be split between parents as equally as possible. Their need are second class to the tick box approach to meet 50/50 target