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Original poster

Child's dad is taking me to court

87 replies

needadvice777 · 02/05/2023 16:41

I have a 10 month old DD with my ex. He's been extremely inconsistent since day one e.g. turning up late to visits, sometimes not turning up at all and has had long periods of absences. Due to this, he has never had DD on his own as his relationship with her is non existent. I have offered visits in public places (e.g. the park) and this happened for two weeks before he decided he now wants to have her on his own. I have not allowed this as DD barely knows him and I was hoping to have more supervised visits so he can build up a bond with her before he has her on his own.

He has decided he wants to take me to court. Can anyone who has been through this or has any experience in this area advise what a likely outcome of court would be? Thanks in advance

OP posts:
taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 00:35

So who are you to "allow" him? Are you a judge?

ShannonMcFarland · 03/05/2023 07:03

taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 00:35

So who are you to "allow" him? Are you a judge?

No, only the baby's mother. If you have to make that call to keep your child safe, you make it.

taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 07:08

There is no mention of any security concerns. Absolute nonsense to say I allowed, I offered. Both parents have the same rights and obligations. How about he thinks that the child is better off staying with him and don't hand it back? Is it the wild west?

GoodChat · 03/05/2023 08:20

taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 07:08

There is no mention of any security concerns. Absolute nonsense to say I allowed, I offered. Both parents have the same rights and obligations. How about he thinks that the child is better off staying with him and don't hand it back? Is it the wild west?

You said it yourself, obligations. But he doesn't pay maintenance and he keeps disappearing. So he's not adhering to his obligations.

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 08:37

taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 07:08

There is no mention of any security concerns. Absolute nonsense to say I allowed, I offered. Both parents have the same rights and obligations. How about he thinks that the child is better off staying with him and don't hand it back? Is it the wild west?

It's not absolute nonsense at all. He may be her father, but he's never paid any maintenance (apart from one payment) and frequently disappears. My DD does not know him. Would you be happy to hand over your 10 month old baby to a complete stranger? Because that's what it's the same as. Interested to know how you would respond if a man posted on her saying he pays no maintenance and has spent long periods away from his child but wants to go to court.

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 08:54

Just reading some of the comments... comparing this situation to nursery really isn't the same thing. The staff at nurseries are trained and used to dealing with babies every day. On the other hand, my ex has never even looked after a baby before and barely knows how to change a nappy...

Thank you to PP's how have posted useful advice. I will be taking it on board.

KateyCuckoo · 03/05/2023 09:26

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 08:54

Just reading some of the comments... comparing this situation to nursery really isn't the same thing. The staff at nurseries are trained and used to dealing with babies every day. On the other hand, my ex has never even looked after a baby before and barely knows how to change a nappy...

Thank you to PP's how have posted useful advice. I will be taking it on board.

Neither have most first time parents. If you don't think someone makes a good parent then you should be much pickier about who you make babies with.

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 09:30

@KateyCuckoo ok thanks, great advice. Next time I want to have a baby, I'll just get my crystal ball out so that I can look into the future and see what they'll be like as a parent 👍🏻

taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 09:46

GoodChat · 03/05/2023 08:20

You said it yourself, obligations. But he doesn't pay maintenance and he keeps disappearing. So he's not adhering to his obligations.

Show quote history

Access and maintenance are not related. It's not pay-per-view. If there are no safety concerns, she has no right to "allow" or dictate the contact form. Of course, mothers do after separation as they think have a divine right over the children and the fathers are only good to pay.

KateyCuckoo · 03/05/2023 09:49

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 09:30

@KateyCuckoo ok thanks, great advice. Next time I want to have a baby, I'll just get my crystal ball out so that I can look into the future and see what they'll be like as a parent 👍🏻

You're being dramatic. Simply, a child has the right to have a relationship with both parents. It's not difficult to learn 'on the job' how to care for a baby. It might not be exactly how you do something but that's ok. Too many mothers think they are the only parent and have some sort of power over the father. You don't, courts do. And if that's what he needs to do to see his child then good luck to him.

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 09:51

@KateyCuckoo not being dramatic at all. Where on my post have I said I don't want him to have a relationship with her? I have said that I want there to be a gradual build up of visits leading to him having her on his own. I highly doubt you would just hand your baby over to a father they hadn't seen in months.

KateyCuckoo · 03/05/2023 09:52

@scoobydoobydoo99 are you the OP?

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 09:53

Sorry, name change fail! Yes I'm the OP

Triffid1 · 03/05/2023 10:05

You are being unreasonable to expect him to "slowly" build up to unsupervised contact. Yes, he shouldn't expect the baby to be with him alone for a weekend on the first week, but I'm not sure why he needed 2 weeks of supervised contact in a park for a 10 month old. Feels excessive.

taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 10:49

scoobydoobydoo99 · 03/05/2023 09:51

@KateyCuckoo not being dramatic at all. Where on my post have I said I don't want him to have a relationship with her? I have said that I want there to be a gradual build up of visits leading to him having her on his own. I highly doubt you would just hand your baby over to a father they hadn't seen in months.

How did you do when your child was born? He/she had to slowly get used to you. You were a stranger. You are just being controlling. God given full control over the child except to pay for him/her.

FartSock5000 · 03/05/2023 11:02

@needadvice777 I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. It doesn't seem fair does it? He can swan in and out of your lives doing bare minimum, not even financially supporting DD and then he can take you to court for 50/50?! It's NOT fair, at all!

Chances are he is all talk though. Try to calm yourself and not let his threats ruin anything.

If he wants to see more of DD, you can choose to do it between you or let him take you to mediation where it will be forced. That's IF he bothers.

Original poster
needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 11:09

@taxpayer1 my reason for posting on here was to get advice from people who have either been in this situation or have experience in this area. I did not post here to be judged over the decisions I have made for my child. I can tell from your comments that you've never been in a situation where the father of your child swans in and out when he pleases, pays nothing, has not seen his child in months yet wants to take the mother to court. Until you've been in my position, you simply have no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 11:09

FartSock5000 · 03/05/2023 11:02

@needadvice777 I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. It doesn't seem fair does it? He can swan in and out of your lives doing bare minimum, not even financially supporting DD and then he can take you to court for 50/50?! It's NOT fair, at all!

Chances are he is all talk though. Try to calm yourself and not let his threats ruin anything.

If he wants to see more of DD, you can choose to do it between you or let him take you to mediation where it will be forced. That's IF he bothers.

Thank you so much for your comment. One of the only posters who have understood where I'm coming from x

OP posts:
taxpayer1 · 03/05/2023 14:26

needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 11:09

@taxpayer1 my reason for posting on here was to get advice from people who have either been in this situation or have experience in this area. I did not post here to be judged over the decisions I have made for my child. I can tell from your comments that you've never been in a situation where the father of your child swans in and out when he pleases, pays nothing, has not seen his child in months yet wants to take the mother to court. Until you've been in my position, you simply have no idea.

It's a public forum. Everyone can comment. You cannot control that too.

Original poster
needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 16:17

@taxpayer1 I understand how Mumsnet works, thanks. I just don't understand the rationale behind commenting on a thread regarding something you have zero insight or experience of.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 03/05/2023 16:56

needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 16:17

@taxpayer1 I understand how Mumsnet works, thanks. I just don't understand the rationale behind commenting on a thread regarding something you have zero insight or experience of.

Just ignore it. Some people will do anything to tell an OP they're wrong. It's like sport for them. Facts aren't as fun for them as fiction.

RedTulipsSpring · 03/05/2023 17:28

Would he actually go to court? Does he have money to throw at this?

Original poster
needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 17:30

Does anybody know approximate costs of going to court?

OP posts:
RedTulipsSpring · 03/05/2023 17:32

needadvice777 · 03/05/2023 17:30

Does anybody know approximate costs of going to court?

it depends on the application and if it’s opposed. My friend has spent over £30k over the course of many years getting 2x court orders to enable them to have contact to their children - Mum just keeps breaching it.

devildeepbluesea · 03/05/2023 17:39

This rings bells for me. Is he one of those whose own mother thinks he can do no wrong? If so I think his mother posted a thread about how mean her son’s ex partner was being by refusing to move from her suggestion of incremental supported visits to a whole day totally on his own. She was crucified and the thread was deleted - but to be fair posters did say he was likely to be granted unsupervised contact. If, of course, he could ever be arsed to go through the courts, which of course 99% of these twats are not.