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Original poster

If ASD assessment is ordered who pays?

75 replies

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 00:46

I suspect my ex is neurodivergent.

He applied for CAO 3 months ago. We have a 14m dd. The initial Cafcass report has recommended interim contact centre supervision. Currently awaiting the first hearing.

I have never blocked contact. His behaviour has made it impossible to co-parent. He has already put dd at risk and this is noted in the report.

Co-parenting hasn't worked and can't unless something changes. A diagnosis would enable access to support and a real shot at co-parenting. He has relentlessly ignored me for 8 months for reasons unknown. All my pleas for help with her care were ignored. He appears in his element while he's doing it which baffles me. I am not against him. I really don't know what to do anymore.

If I provide details to the court in my statement are they likely to request or order he get an assessment? If so, who would be expected to pay?

OP posts:
ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 00:49

I doubt they'd be prepared to order any such thing 😵‍💫

OhMyCherriePie · 12/04/2023 00:51

What 🤔

Original poster
layni1901 · 12/04/2023 00:56

Even though his behaviour presents serious barriers to establishing a healthy co-parenting relationship?

What's the court's view on this?

OP posts:
FatGirlSwim · 12/04/2023 00:56

Assessment can be court ordered but usually in child protection hearings. Unlikely to happen in private law proceedings. If it were court ordered, the expert witness would be appointed by the court and jointly commissioned by both parties, to try to ensure objectivity,

WheelsUp · 12/04/2023 01:00

Why do you think a diagnosis will help improve co-parenting ? Where do you live that adults with ASD get support with parenting ?

All my pleas for help with her care were ignored.

A court order will not force him to be a parent. If he never wanted to see her then the court would be fine with that.

A court will not order an assessment. If it was possible to do that then this tactic would be used by abusers up and down the land to manipulate the court process and attack an ex.

Shelefttheweb · 12/04/2023 01:04

A diagnosis would enable access to support

oh sweet naive child…

Original poster
layni1901 · 12/04/2023 01:24

I think my comment has been misunderstood somewhat. I DO NOT believe people with ASD need support to parent their children.

I am also not trying to use tactics. My concerns are genuine.

He behaves in a way that prevents co-parenting from working. I don't think it's deliberate but his way of coping. I would like things to work out and believe diagnosis can help him make sense of things. I don't mean just to co-parent but generally in his life. I also don't believe he would be against assessment as he often views himself negatively.

I cannot list everything he has done but it relates solely to his behaviour which is highly unusual. And as I've said he has already put dd at risk because he is unable or doesn't think it is necessary to speak to me. Maybe when she's older fine, he can ignore me but a baby needs their carers to speak to one another.

I completely understand the comment by FatGirlSwim. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
layni1901 · 12/04/2023 01:30

@Shelefttheweb please elaborate. I am new to family court, court in general. I just want to make things better for myself and safer for dd. Are you saying a diagnosis is useless?

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 12/04/2023 01:40

I have no idea about a court ordered asd diagnosis. But I do know that you have other options of parenting. Maybe start another question on parallel parenting and how other parents have made that work. If he is able to care for the child then start a diary and leave little notes. Eg last bottle at 10, is on antibiotics needs this dose at that time, started solids here are some things dc likes. That sort of thing. It doesn’t require talking.
If he isn’t caring for the child, like not giving required medication, or feeding the child properly then you need to take steps to have access supervised. Maybe try asking us a different question and get more tailored answers to your situation. All the best.

Shelefttheweb · 12/04/2023 01:40

No, diagnosis can bring understanding of oneself that is very helpful to many people. But it is unlikely to bring support as such support does not exist.

Shelefttheweb · 12/04/2023 01:42

Waiting lists for assessments on the NHS stretch to many years.

Mumma · 12/04/2023 02:06

Why do you want to coparent with him if you know he puts DC at risk?? He has ignored you for 8 months, juat let him go on his merry way and keep DC safe

TomeTome · 12/04/2023 02:10

You can’t force your x to be assessed for a neurological disorder. In what world would that be ok?

Original poster
layni1901 · 12/04/2023 02:32

@TomeTome I don't want to force anyone to do anything. I want things to be better so dd grows up healthy and happy. I don't understand ASD or what support is available.. it appears none. But I have matched his actions to this condition and just thought if he could manage it life would be easier for all involved.

OP posts:
Original poster
layni1901 · 12/04/2023 02:37

@Mumma you are quite right and I wish it was that simple.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 12/04/2023 02:46

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 02:32

@TomeTome I don't want to force anyone to do anything. I want things to be better so dd grows up healthy and happy. I don't understand ASD or what support is available.. it appears none. But I have matched his actions to this condition and just thought if he could manage it life would be easier for all involved.

In what world do you think it is acceptable to for someone to "match their ex's actions to a medical condition" and expect a court to order them to be assessed!

what condition do you think your ex would go on to match you to! How would you feel about a court ordering you to be assessed!

no one has the authority to go around "matching" their exes to any "condition" and trying to get assessments ordered,

Thank God

Why dont you just walk away? he doesn't want to be involved, he doesn't seem a reasonable person to be involved, walk away win-win

Liorae · 12/04/2023 03:42

Nimbostratus100 · 12/04/2023 02:46

In what world do you think it is acceptable to for someone to "match their ex's actions to a medical condition" and expect a court to order them to be assessed!

what condition do you think your ex would go on to match you to! How would you feel about a court ordering you to be assessed!

no one has the authority to go around "matching" their exes to any "condition" and trying to get assessments ordered,

Thank God

Why dont you just walk away? he doesn't want to be involved, he doesn't seem a reasonable person to be involved, walk away win-win

Show quote history

It's not his job to make things easier for you by getting assessed for what you imagine his neurological differences might be.

cariadlet · 12/04/2023 04:27

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and take it on trust that you want to coparent and think that this is the only way which could enable safe co-parenting.

Unfortunately, even if the court did order an assessment (unlikely) and even if your ex decided to participate fully (the assessment is pretty intense and only works if it's something you really want to do and you are prepared to be very open and make yourself quite vulnerable) that wouldn't lead to any support.

Adult diagnosis helps you to understand yourself. It can help you to ask for reasonable adjustments at work.
There is no support.

I was emailed a list of self help groups and left to get on with it. That's pretty typical.

TomeTome · 12/04/2023 08:16

Why do you think asd would lead him to be an unsafe father?

PinkyU · 12/04/2023 08:25

So the main issue is that he doesn’t want contact with you? He doesn’t want to see you or speak to you?

He has the right to do so, he can parent entirely separate from you and in a different way (provided it is safe and appropriate).

You say that he has made the child “at risk” but allude that it was due to him not wanting contact with you, what was the event?

Cappucinoaddict · 12/04/2023 08:27

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 00:56

Even though his behaviour presents serious barriers to establishing a healthy co-parenting relationship?

What's the court's view on this?

A diagnosis won’t necessarily change his behaviour.

Try to find other ways to accommodate his difficulties

Lougle · 12/04/2023 08:30

Unfortunately, this isn't going to happen. There is no support for ASD. Even in children, the services are commissioned for diagnosis only. CAMHS will not deal with ASD related anxiety, for example. They will only deal with anxiety they is deemed 'over and above' what would be associated with ASD.

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 09:35

FatGirlSwim · 12/04/2023 00:56

Assessment can be court ordered but usually in child protection hearings. Unlikely to happen in private law proceedings. If it were court ordered, the expert witness would be appointed by the court and jointly commissioned by both parties, to try to ensure objectivity,

No court will order a person be assessed for ASD because their ex partner thunks they might be Hmm
It would actually be a human rights issue.

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 09:37

*thinks

purpledalmation · 12/04/2023 10:05

Being autistic isn't a bar to good parenting. It's his behaviour which is the issue, and that's what you should concentrate on.

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