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Legal matters

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Original poster

If ASD assessment is ordered who pays?

75 replies

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 00:46

I suspect my ex is neurodivergent.

He applied for CAO 3 months ago. We have a 14m dd. The initial Cafcass report has recommended interim contact centre supervision. Currently awaiting the first hearing.

I have never blocked contact. His behaviour has made it impossible to co-parent. He has already put dd at risk and this is noted in the report.

Co-parenting hasn't worked and can't unless something changes. A diagnosis would enable access to support and a real shot at co-parenting. He has relentlessly ignored me for 8 months for reasons unknown. All my pleas for help with her care were ignored. He appears in his element while he's doing it which baffles me. I am not against him. I really don't know what to do anymore.

If I provide details to the court in my statement are they likely to request or order he get an assessment? If so, who would be expected to pay?

OP posts:

WheelsUp · 12/04/2023 11:21

When one parent won't or can't communicate with the other, the courts suggest written or digital communication instead. I believe that there's an app where you can record functional info like when baby last had medicine so what time her next dose is due.

Getting a diagnosis (waiting list is years long btw) doesn't change the person's behaviour to the neurotypical way. They have a reason to explain why they behaved as they did in the past but it doesn't mean they will change into neurotypical behaviour because to a neurodivergent person, their behaviour is "normal"

In my previous post I didn't mean that you were trying to use neurodiversity as a tactic but many would if it meant that their ex got less contact with the child. If there is specific behaviour that is dangerous then you need to use the legal system or the help of social services

AutisticLegoLover · 12/04/2023 11:38

Oh good, another ASD post dressed up as faux concern.
I'm not surprised he doesn't want to communicate with you if this is the shit you come out with.
ASD is not a reason or an excuse for being a dick and nor would the courts order an assessment. Otherwise he could force you to get assessed too.

UnbeatenMum · 12/04/2023 12:01

Why is he having visits in a contact centre?

LIZS · 12/04/2023 12:04

Does he want to coparent? Are your expectations realistic? If he puts dc at risk surely a diagnosis is irrelevant as access, if any, would be supervised.

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:24

@Nimbostratus100 another misinterpretation of what I'm trying to say. If you have a friend or family that is displaying unusual behaviour, what is so wrong with suspecting they have a mental condition? Saying something and maybe suggesting they seek help via diagnosis. He has problems and in my effort to understand I am constantly prompted to ASD.

Would love to go on my merry way but he will not allow it. He's either narcissistic or he has ASD. One or the other. Should I close my eyes and turn my head when he's putting dd at risk?

If I can't get my point across well on a forum, I have no chance in court. I was going to self-represent but I need someone to understand me. Thanks so much for your very unhelpful comment. Cheers.

OP posts:

LIZS · 12/04/2023 13:27

It sounds like you are confusing mh, neurodivergence and personality disorders. What matters is his behaviour with dd, from whatever cause. What makes you think access will change to be unsupervised?

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 13:28

He is obviously interested in dd, which is why he went to court. I'll just wait until dd gets older and he causes her serious harm then it goes to child protection court and he is ordered to get assessed. Then I'll come back to this thread and reread all the unhelpful comments! He is on a downward spiral and I am trying to figure out what I can do now.
You are so hung up on his ASD (that you alone have diagnosed).
Address whatever behaviour which would likely see her suffering serious harm, if you have reason to believe it's a probability.
But at no point will he be ordered to undergo assessment by any court. What good would it do if they did?

Having a diagnosed ASD will not alone prevent him being seen as fit to parent.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 12/04/2023 13:30

Even if he was assessed, you have no legal right to his private medical information so you have no right to know if that assessment took place or what the findings were. It would be highly unlikely that a court would compel him to make that kind of sensitive private information available to you.

gamerchick · 12/04/2023 13:33

This is never going to happen OP. He will never be ordered to get assessed. The resources just aren't there and it's not for what you think it is for either

You focus on keeping your bairn safe. Be aware there's a genetic link with ASD though. So if he is, then the bairn might be as well. You'll need to focus on that if it's so.

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:35

@Liorae No it's his job to make things impossible for me to parent with him. I haven't imagined anything. I've told myself this for too long. I chose to focus on positive attributes but since dd came along his unusualness has exploded.

OP posts:

OutDamnedSpot · 12/04/2023 13:39

You’ve got yourself in a muddle here OP, and I don’t think it’s helping you, or DC, or your ex.

Autism diagnoses are lengthy, the waiting lists are long and the support available is close to non-existent. Adult diagnosis is only really useful for adults who want to help themselves (e.g. by learning about their condition and how to thrive with it). It doesn’t sound like this is the case here. Also, just to help you in future, autism is a form of neurodiversity, not a mental illness.

Instead of diagnosing him, are you able to identify what it is that he is doing that makes him a danger to DC? What changes do you think he needs to make? Focus on those in court.

AutisticLegoLover · 12/04/2023 13:40

He's either narcissistic or he has ASD. One or the other.

How rude. The two are not similar or comparable so please go away with you ableism.

WheelsUp · 12/04/2023 13:41

Address whatever behaviour which would likely see her suffering serious harm, if you have reason to believe it's a probability.

^^ This.

I believe you when you say he makes decisions that put your dd in danger. Why he does it doesn't matter. It just matters that he stops what he's doing.
Say he doesn't use a correct car seat for DD's size. That's not ok and is a serious safety issue. All that matters is that he uses a correct seat. Just because he gets an ASD diagnosis, he's not going to realise that his perception is wrong and change his behaviour. All parents must use a car seat for a child regardless of any special needs or health conditions.
Did you think that an ASD diagnosis would mean that the courts and children services would be monitoring him more?
As he doesn't want communication from you then your goal is parallel parenting rather than coparenting. It sounds like you may need lots of support from the court and children's services because any perfectly reasonable request from you may be automatically denied because you're the ex and he's happy to piss you off.

Ted27 · 12/04/2023 13:42

@layni1901

maybe a good first step is understanding that ASD is not a ‘mental condition’

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:43

@gamerchick ok, that is absolutely fair enough. I just wanted to be clear on that. I'm aware it can be genetic. dd is excelling in fine motor far beyond her age but is behind in other things. I am not too concerned with her being so young but I am fully aware of her father. I am tired of being made to look like the bad guy all the time. Not in my head, not imagined it. Not being mean or judgemental. And I live on planet Earth.

OP posts:

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:46

I don't want him to be deemed unfit to parent. That is not the intention.

OP posts:

RichardHeed · 12/04/2023 13:46

What is he actually doing that is putting his DD at risk?

Gondala · 12/04/2023 13:48

As PPs have said, you are approaching this incorrectly. If you go into court and say 'He cannot coparent because I believe he is ND' they will think ffs 🙄You need to say 'here are incidents that have happened, this is what he states he cannot do, this is what he refuses to do' with evidence.

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:49

@AutisticLegoLover I didn't mean to offend you or anyone else. Sorry.

OP posts:

Icedlatteplease · 12/04/2023 13:50

You realise the criteria for harm is actually very high before the court considers it higher than the harm done to a child by not having a relationship with their father?

Also what do you mean by communicate? Whilst not ideal I probably spoke less than a dozen words to exH in the 8-9 years he kept contact with DC. Communication was done through email and text message where I had a trail of what had been said, and limited to any handover arrangements or medical (DC attended hospital, needs paracetamol last dose....) . Court can't force someone to communicate any more than that.

Icedlatteplease · 12/04/2023 13:52

Ted27 · 12/04/2023 13:42

@layni1901

maybe a good first step is understanding that ASD is not a ‘mental condition’

Also this.

TeaStory · 12/04/2023 13:52

It’s striking that you are so focussed on your idea that he has some kind of mental difference, and believe you can compel another adult into psychiatric assessment, but are avoiding answering the questions about what his actual behaviour is.

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:53

@Gondala I absolutely will do that. I was never going to say that he can't co-parent because I suspect such and such. I intend to describe in detail the things he has done relating to his bahaviour and how it affects dd. I'm trying to ascertain how seriously I will be taken. That is all.

OP posts:

Miriam101 · 12/04/2023 13:54

OP I think the problem is that you're placing too much importance on a potential ASD diagnosis. Even if he was willing to go through an assessment and if that assessment deemed he had ASD- two big ifs by the sound of things, and that's setting aside the idea of a court somehow ordering the process- there is no particular reason to think that that would necessarily improve his parenting. It's not as if ASD is an illness that a diagnosed person can take medication for, that will instantly "fix" the things that have been wrong. Indeed, it sounds from a lot of posters on here as though even the most basic of support is hard to come by. Those who are diagnosed often speak of the self-knowledge and understanding it brings, which is obviously helpful. But it absolutely isn't the case that a diagnosis would have a significant effect on his parenting. (NB Incidentally of course plenty of autistic parents manage just fine- in fact are brilliant parents. It may well be that he's just....a shit, negligent dad. Nothing diagnosable in that.) I hope you and your DD make your way through this.

Original poster

layni1901 · 12/04/2023 13:55

I'm aware it is not a mental illness. That is why I started my thread with neurodivergent. I'm getting caught up in all the negative comments here. Again I am not trying to offend anyone.

OP posts:

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