DD Fucked Up - what will happen?

[TheCakeDiet]

Posted in Chat here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4757291-dd-fucked-up-what-will-happen?page=4&reply=124529300

Advised to try legal.

ON 5th March, this happened:

D (17) called me sobbing from a police car. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue.

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be charging and she has no record, but they do need to 'notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet'. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I was really angry with DD for being so stupid. DD is hugely remorseful and very panicked. I am calmer now but still can't believe she was so stupid.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I can't face the ranting that will ensue. Neither DD or I are sleeping well for worrying.

I told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

The next day I went to the police station as 'Notify DVLA' doesn't seem like a thing. You are either pushing for prosecution or you aren't. Very lovely Sergeant looked at notes taken at scene and pretty much confirmed what DD told me, but added "It looks like the officer has submitted a report, so you we will just have to wait and see if they decide to prosecute." He added that he personally, would not have done this based on what happened, but it is done now. He inferred that it was 50/50 whether they would take it any further but now in the hands of the motoring team. He also indicated that they had two weeks to notify DD of an intention to prosecute.

What I really want to know is:
How likely they are to pursue this?
And if the two weeks thing is accurate? Lots of people on the other thread saying six months?

And if she pleads guilty - what are the consequences and how long do they last?

On one hand I am find that she has had a scare and there are going to be consequences (paying for damage, worrying about being banned etc). but on the other hand DD, is already struggling. She is on low dose medication for suspected BPD, has huge anxiety, history of self-harm and depression and is spiralling about this. She also has A levels in a few weeks so things are pretty bad for her. Knowing what to expect will be helpful in managing her mental health so I'd be grateful for any legal insight. Thank you so much.

They actually have 6 months to decide to prosecute. It's only 2 weeks if there wasn't an accident at the time.

Good grief. Calm down! She hasn't 'fucked up'. She did a stupid thing, that will have very little consequence long term - maximum 6 points (if/when she does have a license) and a fine. No wonder she's so bloody anxious if you're behaving like this.

I think the chances of any prosecution are minuscule.

This is a silly mistake which she needs to apologise for, pay for and move on from.

Dont dramatise it. Don’t discourage her from driving - it’s a life skill.

THank you

Small scratch isn't being pursued as an accident. No claim being made so does this still count?

@Shmithecat2 thanks for your insight. I am not remotely hysterical but DD is. Have you raised a child with mental health challenges? The smallest thing can tip them over the edge. Not helped by the fact that due to prevalence of car theft in our area, the response to the call was 7 police vehicles and an officer telling her she would 'probably be spending the night in a cell' and that she can 'kiss goodbye to her chances of driving for years to come". So yeah - she's in a state.

YOU are saying she 'fucked up'. YOU haven't told her father because YOU think he'll go mad. Perhaps YOUR behaviour is affecting hers?

Er... he will go mad. She has witnessed it as have I. Neither of us want to put DD through that.

She did fuck up. It was a bloody idiotic thing to do that might have far reaching consequences. She may well be uninsurable for the next five years.

I would imagine the officers have submitted a report to the department that deal with collisions and motoring offences within their force who then get to decide whether to prosecute for (im guessing) the offences of driving otherwise in accordance with a license and driving with no insurance. I'm a police officer and that's what I'd hazard a guess at.

She may well be uninsurable for the next five years you're catastrophising again!
I think it's unlikely she'll be uninsurable for five years. IF she gets points on her licence it MAY cost more to get insurance. But it may not. Different insurers will look at it differently, and it may be cheaper if she was a named driver on someone else's insurance.

The police probably thought that she was going to drive the car as the whole thing sounds suspicious. I'm not saying she's not telling the truth but that is sounds made up.

They decided to talk in the car, it was cold so they put the engine on, she was in the drivers seat even though it was his family car and then she drove it and hit another vehicle.

So perhaps they said that to put tue wind up her as her story sounds fabricated. The social services part sounds particularly bizarre.

@QuillBill The social services part was said directly to me by the officer that brought her home. He said they have to contact SS about any incident involving an under 18. Is that not true? Office in the station said it was more of a general report to all departments including SS, and they will decide whether to pick up on it.

As for being the full truth - they are teenagers so we will never really know, but DD can drive as much as she has had 10 lessons and is fairly decent, and the officer did say that she effectively was rolling the car forward rather than trying to turn the wheel to leave the kerbside. So who knows.

@Louisa4987 Thank you. That's exactly how the Sergeant explained it to me. Are they likely to pursue is one of my main questions.

The police sound awful, your husband sounds awful. However, you, your DD and your DD's BF's mum all sound lovely.

I would be telling her

• no one was hurt and that's the only thing that matters.

• this is the perfect age to make such a mistake. She doesn't need to be able to drive right now, lots of her generation can't drive and its not for another c.10 years that it would really matter (e.g. if you have a job that required driving it wouldn't be until age 25 anyway as insurance so expensive, she probably won't have children to take on school run etc).

• everyone makes silly mistakes over the years. There is nothing about this that will have a permanent impact on her life or anyone else's.

• if what-if thoughts arrive, let them float past. They will come along and they can go. No need to hang onto them.

• her dad isn't capable of handling this with a suitable perspective, therefore, he doesn't get to hear about this. He has lost the right to know about everything that happens due to his previous ranting. That's his choice.

This is a hard era for teenagers. Sending much love

I have a DD of a similar age with similar MH conditions.
Both me and her Dad would have just said “well that was a bit silly, never mind nobody got hurt” and then help her with any admin around it she felt she couldn’t manage on her own.
I can’t help but think that part of her reaction is based on yours

And fear of your H from both of you

PS. I have had 2 different police 'incidents' with 17 year olds, different forces. One I had a phone call from SS and one I didn't, it depends what they tick on their system I think. The phone call was really just a courtesy call tbh - although it was nice to have someone to talk to about parenting teens for a bit they just sort of said 'keep doing your best' at the end.

No wonder she's a nervous wreck with all your dramatics. Stop bloody catastrophising and reassure her!

First things first...change your narrative! Stop using emotive language like 'fucked up' and simply state the facts. She made a mistake...had an error of judgement...did a daft thing! Any of these will do as a 'description' but 'fucked up' denotes a much more severe set of actions than your DD has done.

As others have said...calm down and just deal with what has actually happened, without using all the hyperbole 🤦‍♀️

SS won’t do anything. The police won’t do anything- the CPS need to see that it’s in the public interest to prosecute- it’s not. The policeman was trying to scare your DD into not doing it again. BF’s mum isn’t particularly bothered and it’s her car.

If your husband would overreact, then you need to take a look at that relationship. Your daughter hasn’t fucked up at all.

I am just amazed the police managed to get there so quickly for something so minor.

Dvla will issue the points and

Posted directly from gov website
"Any penalty points on your provisional licence that have not expired will be carried over to your full licence when you pass your test. However, your licence will be cancelled if you get any further penalty points that take you up to a total of 6 or more within 2 years of passing your driving test."

Back when I passed 6 points in your first 2 years would mean you had to retake your test but if she hasn't even taken it yet, where does that stand?

I think points last 3 years

Maybe your 'D'H needs to calm down as well then! She won't be uninsurable for 5 years for that. I've got a petrol-head son who has done far worse - and I mean worse - and he still manages to get insurance.

She's only 17 and has years and years to learn how to drive and get insurance etc. I would indeed calm right down, and help her with her studies and whatever support she needs for her mental health.

See a solicitor if you get notice of prosecution etc and do not accept a caution without taking legal advice from a solicitor first. Some things go on your record - criminal record - which you might think do not so do not agree anything or accept anything even by default without taking legal advice first.

I wouldn't be so sure that they won't prosecute. Driving not under the terms of her licence and driving without insurance are possibilities. I'm not sure how they can report to the DVLA and not prosecute or how the insurance companies can deal with it given neither the car she was in, nor the car she hit were insured in her name but they know exactly who was responsible for the accident. There are many prosecutions that go ahead that could be argued are not in the public interest. Driving convictions disappear (eventually) but the one thing that never goes away is the question "have you ever had insurance cancelled or special terms imposed?". She wasn't insured so the first bit won't be applicable but it's probable that the latter will. Even if she isn't prosecuted now the accident will have to be disclosed when seeking insurance for the next up to 5 years (depending on the company) and I would think it quite likely that once the situation is explained that special terms will be imposed.

Gently OP, you need to chill. This really isn't that big of a deal. No one was hurt, the damage to the other car was minor, it's a silly mistake that she'll most likely laugh about when she's older. She apologises and pays to repair the damage, that's the consequence and if for whatever reason she does face harsher consequences and gets points then it's hardly the end of the world. So it takes her a little longer to get on the road, big deal, she's 17, she has all the time in the world to do that.

The actual issue is that you are both so afraid of telling your husband what's happened that you are losing sleep and building up a small problem into a massive one. I'd be much more concerned about that.