DD Fucked Up - what will happen?

[TheCakeDiet]

Posted in Chat here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4757291-dd-fucked-up-what-will-happen?page=4&reply=124529300

Advised to try legal.

ON 5th March, this happened:

D (17) called me sobbing from a police car. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue.

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be charging and she has no record, but they do need to 'notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet'. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I was really angry with DD for being so stupid. DD is hugely remorseful and very panicked. I am calmer now but still can't believe she was so stupid.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I can't face the ranting that will ensue. Neither DD or I are sleeping well for worrying.

I told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

The next day I went to the police station as 'Notify DVLA' doesn't seem like a thing. You are either pushing for prosecution or you aren't. Very lovely Sergeant looked at notes taken at scene and pretty much confirmed what DD told me, but added "It looks like the officer has submitted a report, so you we will just have to wait and see if they decide to prosecute." He added that he personally, would not have done this based on what happened, but it is done now. He inferred that it was 50/50 whether they would take it any further but now in the hands of the motoring team. He also indicated that they had two weeks to notify DD of an intention to prosecute.

What I really want to know is:
How likely they are to pursue this?
And if the two weeks thing is accurate? Lots of people on the other thread saying six months?

And if she pleads guilty - what are the consequences and how long do they last?

On one hand I am find that she has had a scare and there are going to be consequences (paying for damage, worrying about being banned etc). but on the other hand DD, is already struggling. She is on low dose medication for suspected BPD, has huge anxiety, history of self-harm and depression and is spiralling about this. She also has A levels in a few weeks so things are pretty bad for her. Knowing what to expect will be helpful in managing her mental health so I'd be grateful for any legal insight. Thank you so much.

Cheese nails it. Many of the anxious teens I know have similar home environments sorry.

Ask around discreetly and get a recommendation for a good solicitor that specialises in this area if they take it further.

Please dial down the dramatics - I grew up rurally and each school year at least one teen was killed in road accidents on the country lanes. This is chicken feed. Your Dh sounds weird. Has he never made a mistake ? 🙄

Can't believe your husband doesn't know cant be much of a relationship if yous can't talk to him. Your teaching her to keep secrets. Anyway yes she should pay for damage and apologise you've got that right. Yes it can take up to 6 months for a prosecution. Yes she can lose her licence my younger brother did something very similar tho not hit anybody 4 years ago and he got 6 points and a fine on his learner licence..Once he actually passed a test his insurance was sky high and has only recently gone down. He did it in my mums drove a few feet to a lamppost late at night and unluckily a policeman was going past at the same time lol. Anyway my mum n dad sorted it with him yes both mad at him but it got sorted

I do find not telling the DH odd, imagine you learnt 5 years from now your partner kept loads of stuff from you Because of the way you reacted and you felt some of the stuff was major

I have an anxious teen and I would prioritise her MH above everything else. It's not the end of the world if she doesn't drive for a few years or has a higher insurance/penalty points. It's a hard life lesson - inconveniencing her more than anyone else, and will keep her away from any further mistakes like these for life.

Don't make too big a deal of it. Let her calm down, and face the consequences - none of which are going to impact her for life.

It was a mistake! Be on her team.

The decision is in the hands of the legal side now, but it is very unlikely as it's not in the public interest. She'll probably get a slap on the wrist.

I suspect she's not telling the whole story re moving the car forward as it doesn't make sense.

I let DD, a young teen, sit in the drivers seat and move the car forward (I know) outside out house. She mistook the accelerator for the brake and rammed the back of a car. Luckily it was her dads car, so we picked up the bill. Lesson learned!

This thread was playing on my mind last night. I feel so so sorry for this girl.

she suffers mental health issues, anxiety, self harming, in a moment of distress following a minor lapse of judgment she phones her mother for support and gets aggression, anger, verbally attacked, punished, and nothing short of abused. The mother is also likely lying, no way police said a social worker would come round unless there is more to this.

the girl can’t sleep as she’s scared of what her father will do and it’s hanging over her like a threat.

this poor girl is living in these conditions. Her safe place. Her home, is one where she is threatened and scared by her own parents .

it’s actually really distressing when you think about it.

shes 17, hopefully she can get out soon, get away, and get help, maybe at uni, and not look back.

Get a grip and whatever happens your daughter will have to deal with it.

You really have got this wrong.

I was angry that she put herself in this position - it WAS stupid. She is headstrong and does things without regard for consequences. Where did I say I screamed at her??? This last week, we have cooked meals together, watched a film whilst having a cuddle, talked about her exams, I've helped her with loads of revision, we've ordered stuff online for DDog birthday, cried laughing over something and I've been on the phone for three days to various therapist and health practitioners fighting to her the some support. You really don't need to worry that I am abusing her.

The police absolutely did say a SW would be in touch.

The Sergeant at our local police station confirmed that all cases involving under 18s are referred to SS, so you can redact your liar accusation as well.

Thanks.

I mean this kindly OP, if your dd is struggling to "process things", doesn't "respond rationally or healthily to difficult situations" it might actually end up being a blessing in disguise if learning to drive and/or getting a car is postponed for a couple of years until she matures, there are many "difficult situations" she may encounter while driving. Not all teens learn to drive as soon as they turn 17, personally I think the age should be raised at least 1 year, probably more.

Where did I say I screamed at her???

im totally confused and had to re read my post twice. Have you quoted the wrong poster? I didn’t say you screamed at her? Did someone?