Lying Ex

[Lynseydee76]

Long story short, my ex refused to return my son after a contact weekend because my mental health was suffering and I allowed my flat to become such that it was deemed neglect by Children’s Services.

I’ve been working with them to make improvements to get my son back but my ex has now taken it to Court to get custody.

Things are coming to light that makes me believe he’s lying (he’s a compulsive liar anyway).

I’ve tried looking online to see if there’s anything I can do but all I see is that perjury in a Family Court isn’t taken as seriously as in a criminal or civil matter.

Im worried for my son as my ex is doing the same to him as he did to me when I was with him and now my son has a negative view of me.

I don’t know what to do anymore and can’t afford legal representation.

Those are two quite serious issues though OP, being objective here.
I’m absolutely not stigmatising mental health but what problems are you having?

also if you’ve been deemed to have neglected your child by social services that’s a child protection issue. When you say making improvements to get your son back it implies it’s serious enough that he’s not currently with you?

you need to perhaps provide more detail regarding those things before proper advice can be given.

also what is the background with your relationship and what kind of father is your ex?

Seems like the father has done the right thing here and maybe you need to concentrate more on improving your situation rather than trying to make your ex out to be an asshole when he's clearly stepped up for your child when you couldn't

Ok to give a bit of background.

When I was with my ex husband he was controlling of me. This, amongst other things, had a negative impact on my mental health to the point he wouldn’t accept I had an illness and constantly told me I was lazy.

Since I left him in 2015 he has done nothing but take me to court for contact/ custody and shows me nothing but contempt when we do contact, which again has done nothing for my mental health. Also there has been domestic abuse from him after we’d split up.

My mental health became at its worst in 2020 when we were in the middle of a court case and covid hit. At the time Cafcass were instructed by the Court and they initially picked up on our son’s behaviour and how he was being manipulated by his dad. They also mentioned that they could see my mental health deteriorating if a move back to my home county was not granted.

This was the detriment that led to me not keeping up with housework and the living conditions I allowed myself and my son to live in. My son was looked after in every other way and he is loved very much by me.

I’m not saying I’m blameless but the effect of my ex husband’s actions and the way I allowed myself to react to them is why we are where we are today.

I know he is manipulating our son and getting him to lie for him. I can see our son doing exactly the same thing I started doing when we were together. The school have referred him to mental health because his anxiety has worsened since living in his father’s care.

I am doing everything I can to improve myself so I can be the mother my son deserves and have been told by Children’s Services that there are improvements.

I just want to do what’s right for my son and help him not to become the person I’ve become.

How old is your son?

He’s just turned 11.