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Legal matters

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Original poster

Is my DH likely to be awarded shared custody of baby and toddler?

56 replies

Laker56 · 28/10/2022 22:03

This is a long post. I tried to make it shorter but couldn't without leaving out essential info.

I've been married to my DH for nearly 5 years. We have two DC - one aged under a year and the other aged under 4 years. My husband says he wants to divorce me. I don't know if he will go through with it. I may if he doesn't. Either way, he says he wants shared custody of our DC. I don't want that. I don't think my DH is a terrible father, but he has been an absent one as he works long hours as a lawyer (he often goes for 4-5 days at a time without seeing the little one plus he works most weekends). I work too, but I am around a lot more and am the emotional lynchpin of our family. Our DC are very attached to me. They would be distressed to be separated from me overnight, even if they were with their father, especially the little one, with whom I have co-slept since birth. There is a complicating factor. We have a prenup. In the prenup it says there will be a presumption of shared custody. The prenup is problematic because it does not provide for my financial needs fairly in circumstances where there is a lot of money. I don't know if problems with the pre-nup's financial elements undermine the bit about shared custody. Something to think about.

My DH says he has consulted his solicitors and they say he is likely to get shared custody of our DC if it comes to a legal battle. I don't know if this can be right. I am scared to death. What he says might be bollocks. I feel outgunned (both financially, because he can spend more money on legal fees, and because law is his expert field, although he is a commercial lawyer).

My question for you is, have you experienced something similar? If so, what happened? Do you have any advice?

I am seeking legal advice next week but want some reassurance in the meantime that my DC will not be taken away from me for multi-day periods each week. That would kill me. I am happy to provide access and allow my DH to stay overnight in our family home to facilitate his contact with our DC. This is not about stopping him having access - it's about keeping my DC under the same roof as me as they are sensitive souls and would not cope well with being away from me or shuttling back and forth between two different homes.

OP posts:

Arewethebadguys · 20/11/2022 06:43

J0CASTA · 29/10/2022 00:25

My ex husband worked in a similar job and also said that he wanted 50% custody. Like yours, he went for days without seeing the children and spent weeks away from home for work.

In the 12 months after he left, he had the children for less than 7 nights TOTAL at his house. In the second year he had them for less than 5 nights.

He’s not had them a single night this year and he’s only seem then about 3 times, just for a few hours. He is to busy with his work, playing golf and holidaying with his affair partner.

He only ever wanted 50:50 so he didn’t have to pay child support. But when he found out how much work it was looking after children, he decided to investigate creative ways of avoiding paying child support instead.

So he pays for two months then stops. CMS launch an investigation, which takes them about 3 months . Then he starts again for a month or so, then makes a part payment, the stops. Rinse and repeat.

Now he’s decide to quit his job and go self employed so he doesn’t have to pay anything. So it was all about money and nothing to do with the children.

Most of these men don’t give a flying fuck about having their kids, they only care about punishing or controlling their ex and about money.

No advice but this has shocked me. Arsehole. Sending you all the good thoughts and hoping your ex gets a massive backdated tax bill. Arsehole

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 20/11/2022 07:44

My DH and his exW were advised that a court wouldn’t look fondly on their inability to reach an agreement themselves as it would show that neither of them were prioritising their child. Gently, it’s not about you. Or your DH. You have no rights in this situation, your children do.

BetterFuture1985 · 20/11/2022 10:50

MichelleScarn · 19/11/2022 21:15

I wish I hadn't gone into the nhs! More than 600k a year...wowser!!

Show quote history

My ex-MiL used to work for the NHS as a medical professional. I used to joke that she should take a 2 week bookkeeping salary and treble her salary by becoming her Foundation Trust's CEO!

Becarefullwhatyouwishfor · 07/06/2023 07:29

Hi there, just wondering what has happened so far with this situation if a court agreement has taken place yet?

Isthisexpected · 07/06/2023 07:34

Greennetting · 31/10/2022 14:29

I agree with the posters above

On one hand we have the ex DH who wants shared custody (not necessarily 50/50)

On the other hand we have the OP who thinks its okay to say she will 'provide access' as long as its where she is living

I'm not sure its the DH who is starting from the wrong position here

However, on a more practical note OP, give the ages of the children and your willingness for the DH to come back overnight perhaps birdnesting is the best solution until the children are a little older

Hey? These are young children and a baby who had almost no relationship with this man.

Isthisexpected · 07/06/2023 07:36

Hopefully the OP got good advice and didn't have to split custody with someone who most likely would have employed a nanny anyway so still didn't see them, just to punish his wife.

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