Page 7 | How to pay him back

Equityhelp · 2022-10-23T09:32:26+00:00

I bought a house in my name 6 months ago, DP at the time gifted me the full deposit (£50,000 - inheritance money). He was unable to get a mortgage at the time so the plan was I would remortgage in 5 years with his name on when my term ends. We have broken up, I am happy to pay him back but I don’t know how. I can afford the mortgage and bills alone but not much more. If I remortgage now at current rates I couldn’t afford it, plus taking money out would increase the mortgage. What can I do?

cestlavielife · 23/10/2022 17:18

we have been together for 11 years, he owned our last house but ended up getting it repossessed when he lost his job, I couldn’t afford the mortgage repayments but paid as much as I could towards which bought us a little more time. I had also paid all of the bills.

So take all that off

Original poster

Equityhelp · 23/10/2022 18:43

drpet49 · 23/10/2022 13:04

Wow OP stitched him right up. Poor guy.

I’m at breaking point as a result of his actions. I’ve made it clear I am paying him back but I was asking for suggestions as to how. You have no idea what has happened, I’ve not put what he has done on purpose to get impartial advice because I think what he had done would change the advice given. There was no way I could see what’s coming. I’ve asked in legal, not AIBU because I don’t want irrelevant comments like yours.

I will read through the rest of the comments later, I just need some time now to get myself together.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 23/10/2022 18:49

I think you really need to find out what he wants here and so your best to meet his request. I'm guessing based on what you've alluded to that he's probably cheated but you need to try to take all emotion out of this. If I was him I would want you to sell the house and have the money back immediately. Could anyone else loan you it? Or maybe half of it so you can offer him that and then the other half staggered?

cptartapp · 23/10/2022 19:08

Can your parents afford to give you an advance on your inheritance? Then pass it to him?

BananaCocktails · 23/10/2022 19:14

Secure a loan on the house

he was a nice person to do that for you

oviraptor21 · 23/10/2022 19:16

TootMootZoot · 23/10/2022 16:16

@oviraptor21
It sounds rather like the ex was the shifty and deceitful one in this Case

How?

I think the ex initially must have been genuinely invested in the relationship otherwise he wouldn't have given the OP £50,000 with only a verbal promise from her that she would give it back. You can't twist that to make him the shifty and deceitful one. Not that I think the OP was either.

I know Mumsnetters are often men haters (TBF I'm not a huge fan myself😂). but I can't see how his behaviour could possibly be construed of as shifty or deceitful. The OP had and has All the power in this situation.

This comment from OP
I’m at breaking point as a result of his actions. I’ve made it clear I am paying him back but I was asking for suggestions as to how. You have no idea what has happened, I’ve not put what he has done on purpose to get impartial advice because I think what he had done would change the advice given. There was no way I could see what’s coming.

BananaCocktails · 23/10/2022 19:17

To add

you said you won’t sell and you don’t have the money to pay him back in another way

either remortgage for £50k, secure a loan on the house ( Will cost you more to pay back though) or sell it and give him back his money

there is every possibility he takes u to court and then you will be forced to sell

rocketfromthecrypt · 23/10/2022 19:29

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lentilly · 23/10/2022 19:30

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How is that "tone deaf"

cestlavielife · 23/10/2022 19:34

Equityhelp · 23/10/2022 18:43

I’m at breaking point as a result of his actions. I’ve made it clear I am paying him back but I was asking for suggestions as to how. You have no idea what has happened, I’ve not put what he has done on purpose to get impartial advice because I think what he had done would change the advice given. There was no way I could see what’s coming. I’ve asked in legal, not AIBU because I don’t want irrelevant comments like yours.

I will read through the rest of the comments later, I just need some time now to get myself together.

Show quote history

Then op needs to see lawyer
Disclose what he has done

PaperDoves · 23/10/2022 20:35

OP, this situation is still so new. Perhaps take a few weeks to process all of the emotions before making any major decisions. It's never wise to make big financial decisions when your life feels like it's in tatters. Waiting a few weeks before you're ready to discuss it is the least he could do, I'm sure.

mattyprice4004 · 23/10/2022 23:56

qwerdi · 23/10/2022 16:05

So he's financially incompetent.
I guess he's cheated.
He expected his money back in 5 years.
Legally he signed away all rights to the £50,000.
If you want to, give him £50,000 in 5 years time.

Forget about paying him bit by bit as this would demonstrate it wasn't a genuine gift.

You’re wrong, as are so many other posters.
He declared it as a gift to the mortgage company, but that doesn’t stop him lodging a court claim for return of the money.

This has been done to death, there’s plenty of case law out there where the giver of the gift successfully claims it back - the gift declaration is ONLY to protect the mortgage company. A judge will see the benefit of the gift was to be shared between both parties.

If I was the ex, I’d just leave it in the hands of a solicitor who’d eventually force a sale.
Not that I’d be barmy enough to get myself into this mess to begin with!

cestlavielife · 24/10/2022 09:23

Cost of court case will eat up the 50k

MILLYmo0se · 24/10/2022 11:07

cestlavielife · 23/10/2022 17:18

we have been together for 11 years, he owned our last house but ended up getting it repossessed when he lost his job, I couldn’t afford the mortgage repayments but paid as much as I could towards which bought us a little more time. I had also paid all of the bills.

So take all that off

You paid all the bills for the 11 yrs or just since he lost his job? I dont know that what you paid towards mortgage counts really, you d have been paying rent someotherwise, probably more than what you paid on the mortgage short term

girlmom21 · 24/10/2022 11:10

I dont know that what you paid towards mortgage counts really, you d have been paying rent someotherwise, probably more than what you paid on the mortgage short term

Of course it counts. She paid his mortgage.
He didn't. She could have gone to live with family or anything in that time. She helped him out, he helped her out. The money she helped him with isn't less relevant than the money he helped her with a

MILLYmo0se · 24/10/2022 11:18

Yes she paid part of his mortgage for a period of time, just seems odd that that wasnt considered in the calculations when he was to get a 50000 stake in her house after 5 years, but now its to be calculated in the repayment of it, thats all.

Ermengarde · 25/10/2022 16:05

PaperDoves · 23/10/2022 20:35

OP, this situation is still so new. Perhaps take a few weeks to process all of the emotions before making any major decisions. It's never wise to make big financial decisions when your life feels like it's in tatters. Waiting a few weeks before you're ready to discuss it is the least he could do, I'm sure.

OP this is good advice. You sound like you’re dealing with a lot at the moment and the breakup is very recent. I’m sure this wasn’t a situation you imagined a few weeks ago and the financial aspect isn’t something you can fix in a day. Take your time to process everything and make sure you get proper legal advice.