Husband will not agree to divorce

[AshTreeandIvy]

The basic details are:
Been together for 30+ years but married since 2019
I have work pension + state pension = just under £2K per month
He has no income and does not get state pension until Oct 2023, it will only be around £400 per month as he’s never been much of a worker and has basically lived off me.
Our house is mortgage free and worth around £300K. He hasn’t paid anything toward it. We are tenants in common.
We have capital amounting to around £80K from inheritances on both sides.

I have supported him all the time I have known him. I know this has been ridiculous but I can’t change the past. He is a spendthrift and wastes a lot of money. I am 67 and he is 65.

I want a divorce and to sell the house and split the capital but he will not even talk about it. Walks away and acts as if I haven’t even spoken. He will not engage at all.

I paid for a one hour consultation with a solicitor but nothing was very clear. I think this was probably my fault as I didn’t know what I was talking about really.

I want to know if I will be able to divorce him without him engaging in the process and how I can force him to sell the house. If I move out does that affect my claim to it (I won’t want to be staying here as he can be prone to anger).

Basically I need to know where do I go from here and am I likely to have anything left at the end of it!

Thank you in advance for any replies.

Don't know where you are , but the blu skys platinum one in poole is truly lovely as is the one in Christchurch

The thing about that option too is it will give you security of tenure, rather than an open market private rental but allow you to live somewhere modern and fresh and safe

Thank you for all the comments, even the ones that I don’t want to hear!

it has been my own fault that I’ve enabled him for so long. He has had some casual work over the years and did spend a lot of time unofficially caring for aging and poorly parents, I did the same for my mum. He’s not an awful person just averse to having a full time ‘normal’ job and not able to cope with the reality of our situation, so gets angry when I try to have any discussion. I’ve tried today to talk to him about energy bills, he uses a huge amount, so he’s locked himself in the bedroom with headphones on…

Our situation is that I give him ‘pocket money’ and pay all the rest of our living costs.

If I have to give him half my income that will hit very hard. I doubt I could run a small flat and car on £1000 per month. I shall have to think deeply about the realities of this. I’d happily get a part time job but nobody seems keen on a 67 year old woman!

@AshTreeandIvy I really don't think it's going to come to this - think positive!!! I think it's likely they will think half the house receipts is more than adequate to house him , plus his pension . get some advice now from a solicitor specialising in divorce. Knowledge is power !!

Just googled it - that would be the type of thing I would be looking for. I’m in Kent but I accept that moving from here will be necessary. I’m going to explore more about retirement properties!

@Pussycat22 Thank you, I’ve just added it to my Kindle….a useful bit of Bank Holiday reading!

Yes the scheme that would suit you is OPSO- stands for older persons shared ownership.

You can get 'new' ones or resales (where someone is reselling their share )

The other option OP is if you go onto Touchstone residential they do a lot of rentals for McCarthy and stone developments- and do long term assured tenancies- which give you the security

but also the difference is you keep your cash and can bank it , earn interest and use it to help pay your rent

Would also suggest you stop subsidising him now. He needs to understand the reality of paying for everything yourself. If he feels the pinch he might be more motivated to sort the divorce out. You being kind, helping him & paying for this man is part of the problem & the reason why you are where you are today. If he gets angry then tough, if he doesn't like it tough. Surely that's the only way out of this situation apart from going to court

@Collaborate I was pulling you up on your misogyny, not your skills.

Would be get 50%?;it was a very short marriage.

@thenewduchessoflapland
Read the posts from @Collaborate . This has been discussed.

@AshTreeandIvy having thought further, your situation is slightly different to mine, if you do not have a strong attachment to your house I would move out and just separate. Your pensions would easily fund an over 55s rental property (I run a small house mortgage free and car on less than £1000 per month and live comfortably, I'm similar age but not yet got state pension as waspi woman). This would either force his hand to divorce at which point you may lose some of your pensions but would gain cash from the house or he would not in which case you just stay separated but keep your pensions. That was my initial plan, to just be separated as I'm off men for life and no intention of ever marrying again, but my hand was forced to divorce a few years later (long story and not relevant to the thread). Hope all goes well for you and you find peace💐

Stop giving him pocket money today; that might incentivise him to actually get a job!

I would start drawing some cash out every week and putting it away, say £50pw.

Pensions, how it works is that you each have to share yours. So, if you share yours 50:50 and he also shares his, does that leave you with £1k/month?

Sorry I’ve just seen yours is £2k and his is £400 so you’d likely then end up with £1200 each. It stings when someone has leeched off you for decades for them to then walk away with half of everything. My divorce is not dissimilar but easier in many ways, since I am still 20 years away from retirement.