Husband will not agree to divorce

[AshTreeandIvy]

The basic details are:
Been together for 30+ years but married since 2019
I have work pension + state pension = just under £2K per month
He has no income and does not get state pension until Oct 2023, it will only be around £400 per month as he’s never been much of a worker and has basically lived off me.
Our house is mortgage free and worth around £300K. He hasn’t paid anything toward it. We are tenants in common.
We have capital amounting to around £80K from inheritances on both sides.

I have supported him all the time I have known him. I know this has been ridiculous but I can’t change the past. He is a spendthrift and wastes a lot of money. I am 67 and he is 65.

I want a divorce and to sell the house and split the capital but he will not even talk about it. Walks away and acts as if I haven’t even spoken. He will not engage at all.

I paid for a one hour consultation with a solicitor but nothing was very clear. I think this was probably my fault as I didn’t know what I was talking about really.

I want to know if I will be able to divorce him without him engaging in the process and how I can force him to sell the house. If I move out does that affect my claim to it (I won’t want to be staying here as he can be prone to anger).

Basically I need to know where do I go from here and am I likely to have anything left at the end of it!

Thank you in advance for any replies.

Yes you can. It just takes longer and costs more I think.
Or maybe not now this no fault thing has come in.

Book an appointment with a different solicitor with a list of written questions.

You can apply for a no fault divorce now I believe? Honestly in your shoes I would just download the forms, fill them in in triplicate and get them submitted to get the ball rolling and hopefully "shock" him into raising you are serious. OrI would book time with a solicitor and see if you can get a divorce as it's a short marriage with no children involved. Might just save your pension so could be well worth trying.

Google 'how to get divorced' and write a list of questions, then go back to solicitor (or find a better one).

He does not have to 'agree'. He is being divorced!

Can't believe you put up with that for so long but well done for getting out now. Good luck!

Get all your paperwork in order too.

Did the tenants in common assume 50/50 or is it a different split?

I think you need to seek some proper legal advice before you initiate divorce proceedings

Both in terms of the cost if he won't co-operate and whether he might have a claim against your pension or other financial support if you have been financing him for 30 years.

Thank you for all the replies!

I have been a total mug and he saw me coming a mile away! We only ended up getting married because we went to a solicitor to ‘find out how best to protect our assets’ ie how to protect his lifestyle!, and the solicitor said it was cheaper to get married. Instead of running away screaming I went along with it.

I am worried that he’ll be able to claim ‘maintenance’ from me and be a millstone round my neck for the rest of my life! … and I know he’ll absolutely refuse to sell the house.

I’m past caring how difficult it is and how much it’ll cost, I just want a few years of peace!

Yes, it’s 50/50. It was ‘my’ house (inherited from my mother) until I was stupid enough to marry him ☹️

There is zero basis on which he could claim maintenance; you don't have any dependents.

You will probably have to split assets with him in some form, as although your marriage is technically short it was the formalisation of a longstanding relationship, and yes if he chooses to resist every step it will be slower and more expensive. But it can be done, including forcing a sale of the house.

Go back to a solicitor and ask some specific questions about what a likely financial settlement would look like. And start the forms for divorce. You don't need him to agree.

I can tolerate splitting assets but I really don’t want him to get any of my pension. He’s had an easy life and has no idea of the value of money or budgeting. I can’t stand the thought of him frittering my hard earned pension on ridiculousness.

Your pension is an asset. Sorry, but it might be relevant given the 30 year relationship and the fact you eventually got married. The disparity in retirement income is exactly what should be addressed. This situation usually applies to women and I would argue against it.

Better to get divorced now I think as he still has a year of working life left

I'm wondering if it's worse to wait til he's retired (though I'm not sure it will make much difference)

The devil is in the details when it comes to a financial settlement. Your solicitor is the only person who can advise you on a reasonable offer as settlement and how a court is likely to decide.

I know he’s likely to get some but I just hope I’m left with enough to live on.

I’m going to write down all the questions I need to ask and I’ll put them here and if anyone has a moment to read them I’d be extremely grateful if you could point out anything I’ve missed.

Thank you all so much for your comments and advice, it really does make it seem more possible…I wish I’d done it a long time ago but it does give me the resolve to plough forwards.

Sell the house by any means possible, talk to a lawyer about how to do this, keep as much of the proceeds as you can. Then Id leave the country and become untraceable. What he can do about it. Nothing.

@AshTreeandIvy
You might be able to still access the webinar that Pump Court Chambers family barristers did earlier this summer. It gives an overview of No Fault Divorce which will help you understand the law and then you could frame sensible questions for your solicitor. Google “Pump Court Chambers No Fault Divorce” and you will find it.

@TizerorFizz Thank you so much for this.

I’ve got up early this morning to watch it in peace and I didn’t realise how much things have changed. I shall need to watch a couple more times to take it all in but she does make it all very clear.

Thank you.

Go online and apply to divorce him, he can’t do anything about it. It will happen and you will be divorced.
Then see a solicitor to force the sale.

Are you currently sharing any money with him? If so, stop. Keep all your income for yourself and move your savings out of reach.

Do you actually need to divorce or can you just separate? Is the problem that he won't move out? Do you need him to move out or could you tolerate living with him?

If it was me, at his age, I'd wait for him to die. You've done 30 years, divorce could take another 5, then he'll be dead 7 years after that. What's the point? Whereas if you just separate and keep your money to yourself you get to keep living in your house with plenty of money.

IANAL but as it's been a short marriage you might get away with not giving him much.

Good luck!

I can’t see a divorce taking 5 years now it’s done online ?

If he doesn't co-operate with the financial consent order?

Apologies, yes a divorce ie paperwork can be done easily but that's never the problematic bit really. Presumably she wants to separate the finances and get the house sold as well.

He cannot refuse to be divorced, you just go ahead and do it. Definitely get good legal advice first and the short marriage should count in your favour. Make sure he doesn’t empty any accounts he has access to when he realises that you are serious. He’s not going to like it but tough.

@AshTreeandIvy
I had been told it was very good snd useful!

I think you need to make some notes and then see how it applies to you. Then you can ask questions of your solicitor from an informed background. Good luck.

@ArcticSkewer
That's not great advice! They are married. Finance does matter. Marriage does give protections but this marriage is short. However there is a need for a settlement because they are married, not single people.

This isn’t a short marriage. The seamless transition from the 30 or so years of living together won’t be ignored.