DD's father in care home - relatives interfering

[Vapeyvapevape]

My ex is in a care home, he suffered a traumatic brain injury and has zero capacity. My dd and her siblings have applied for deputyship but it hasn't been granted yet.
He has a lodger in the house and the cash rent is being used to pay bills- all recorded and receipts kept.

His 2 sisters aren't happy with how his finances are being managed and have threatened to ask the court not to grant his children deputyship, they are also pushing them to let a solicitor take over everything.

My dd has been paying for toiletries, chiropodist etc out of her own money and they're not happy about this.

How much say do they have in this ? It's causing so many arguments .

@Mariposista I will show your post to my daughter, I'm sure it will give her a much needed boost, thank you x

@RunningRainbow thank you for the offer of sharing your solicitor's details, I have sent you a pm x

Dd has just got back from seeing her siblings, they have decided to see a solicitor to take over until they get the deputyship. ( I told her about the fees being paid from her dads money) She seems so relieved and I'm pleased that some of the burden will be lifted from her.

Great update @Vapeyvapevape

Thats great, its a lot for one person and she needs the support of her siblings. If for any reason she became unable to deal with all the help then she needs the other 2 to step in. Without wanting to upset you do you think it might be worth them also speaking to the solicitor about what happens if he dies as he has no Will, you dont need his sisters arguing about the house, inheritance etc.

The No will is a worry, dd is going to write a list of questions and I'll tell her to add this to it , thank you 😊

I am no expert or in the legal profession but ask about intestate rules, who would be appointed executor or administrator, are there valuables or sentimental items in his house that family may like and is there any information at the carehome about his condition and future care should medical decisions need to be made.

Dd made the decision about having a Dnr put in place. I think once they have deputyship they can go and clear his house out and keep anything sentimental.

I'm so glad your daughter is getting proper legal advice.
They may advise her to make her own application for deputyship.

A close family member went through this and I can only say that your daughter is the one who is showing the most care and effort for her father and is acting in his best interests.
She should have that position clarified and the aunts should either start showing some support or back off.

But your DD shouldn't underestimate what family members can be like when money/inheritance is involved and when they begrudge the person depleting what they see as "their" inheritance on necessary care and expenses. As the aunts are already being nasty, there may well be a falling out but if your DD has taken advice, she will have more confidence in knowing that she is doing everything by the book, in her DF's best interests and will have nothing to reproach herself with.

I was concerned when you mentioned the aunt
some sort of paralegal and had gone through all this with her mother so she knows the score
Your DD shouldn't just take this person's word as gospel. Take a solicitor's advice. Every time. The law may have changed, she may not be correct - or may be seeking to mislead. If she was all that good at it why didn't she advise your ex to get a will made. Everyone with children should have one.
She can keep the legal bills down if she provides clear information, like a timeline, details of her DFs assets/care costs/bills/debts. She might even be able to claim for some of her caring expenses ( ask Age Concern) and a family tree. Once they've given her an action plan of the correct way to proceed, she may not need as much advice. Also a solicitor might be better able to find if a will was lodged.
I'm not sure what the situation may be in your daughter's case but an executor's legal fees are paid for by the estate and are charged and deducted before beneficiaries are paid.
She should instruct the solicitor on her own/siblings behalf. Not the aunts.
Your daughter sounds like a kind and caring person. Its such a difficult time for her but its good that she has your support and her siblings.
Best of luck

Thank you, I'm passing on all the advice to her x

Regarding the will, once deputyship has been granted, it is something which can be done in that role - its on my list of things to sort out too

Thank you Rainbow, it's a very steep learning curve isn't it ?!

I've shown this thread to my daughter ,her face lit up and she actually said 'Yay , I've got Mumsnet behind me ' 😀

Thats a good point, they can apply for a statutory will through the court of protection.

It's definitely a good thing to know.

Just an update for anyone interested. Dd got a message from one of the Aunts saying she's contacted a solicitor and they want to know his NI number , housing situation, bank account, is a social worker involved and loads of other information. She said she has asked the solicitor if it's worth withdrawing the application for deputyship.

I'm back to being cross again because this is not what my dd wants at all, she just wanted advice and for a solicitor to act until the deputyship comes through.
Dd is livid again, I've told her to ignore the aunt.

And to not discuss anything anymore with them.

Sorry me again , my dd and her siblings have been refused deputyship for health and welfare, which a quick Google seems to show as quite common. Is this because as next of kin they can make decisions regarding health ? It also begs the question, why allow people to apply if most cases are refused?

My understanding is that health and welfare deputyships are rarely granted although I don't know why, it isn't something I deal with often. Deputyships for finance happen all the time.

As next of kin she can't make decisions about her DF's health, as he lacks capacity these would all be made in his best interest by whoever needed to make them (the relevant doctor, nurse, carer etc) at the time and they should take into account what is known about his wishes, beliefs, the circumstances the decision is being made in and consulting with the people close to him.

I hope this helps.

Dd needs to appeal. Before grabby aunts try and take over....

Do not engage with the aunt, the solicitor can write to dd direct or through your solicitor. Next of kin cannot make medical decisions and the deputy is appointed by the Courts not the person so decisions are made as they arise in his best interests.