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Original poster

DD's father in care home - relatives interfering

96 replies

Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 11:05

My ex is in a care home, he suffered a traumatic brain injury and has zero capacity. My dd and her siblings have applied for deputyship but it hasn't been granted yet.
He has a lodger in the house and the cash rent is being used to pay bills- all recorded and receipts kept.

His 2 sisters aren't happy with how his finances are being managed and have threatened to ask the court not to grant his children deputyship, they are also pushing them to let a solicitor take over everything.

My dd has been paying for toiletries, chiropodist etc out of her own money and they're not happy about this.

How much say do they have in this ? It's causing so many arguments .

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Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 18:44

@BlanketsBanned he put my dd as his next of kin on his medical records .

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Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 18:49

@Gingernaut there is a lodger still in his house at the moment, who is actually being a pain , but that's another story. As soon as the deputyship is granted, they will sell the house and obviously put the money into their father's account.

He has just had an inheritance come through which will be useful because he needs an expensive wheelchair but obviously the children can't access the money yet.

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BlanketsBanned · 31/03/2022 18:50

Thats good he did that, it should help with her deputyship. I am not sure she can change rhe locks or secure the house at the moment. The citizens advice or court of protection may know.

Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 18:54

The lodgers rent is helping to pay some of his bills, part of the mortgage and council tax (which he only paid sporadically) dd has managed to get his huge utility debt down using the rent .

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BlanketsBanned · 31/03/2022 18:58

Dd sounds very sensible and responsible. Does he have to pay for his carehome. She may decide it might be better to sell his house, clear all his debts, put the money into his account. At the moment is she the landlady which can sometimes be difficult unless they use a letting agent.

Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 19:03

Luckily he is fully funded so no care home costs. She isn't legally the landlady as it's his house and there's no deputyship yet but she has dealt with the boiler breakdown, leaks etc. She's sat round there on 3 different days waiting for British Gas to come and fix the boiler , coming home furious because they didn't show up.

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Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 19:04

There's no letting agent .

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AnguaResurgam · 31/03/2022 19:11

Are his other DC adults?

I don't really know about this, but from experience in my family, when one of us needed to apply to Court Of Protection, the court sought the views of all those of the same degree of kindred - we were all agreed, so don't know what would happen they weren't.

So I think your DD needs to keep them onside, and be throughly transparent in all decisions (which of course need to be recorded, and meticulous records kept)

Flowers it's a tough and thankless role, and Court of Protection seems to need everything, in triplicate and slightly differently form each time.

RunningRainbow · 31/03/2022 19:11

I'm applying for deputyship myself for a family member where they do not have capacity. Being next of kin has nothing to do with it. Has your daughter applied for health and welfare as well as property and finances deputyship? It sounds like this might be a situation where it will be granted.

At some point, the court will require your daughter to serve notice of application for deputyship upon her father's sisters as by any measure, they will be interested parties. Currently it's taking around 6 months to grant deputyship. It's likely, if his sisters object, that there will be a hearing, and your daughter and other applicants will be best to have representation for that. My Family Member has actually objected to my application and as part of trying to represent their best interests, I actually completed the forms objecting with them and for them - it is necessary for them to challenge it for their own mental health, however, their capacity issues mean that deputyship is also the right thing to do for them.

If your daughter seeks legal representation, the costs will fall due to her father to pay in the event of being granted deputyship. There are rules about how much solicitors can charge for court of protection work.

Should you want to pm to get the name of the firm that I'm using, feel free.

RunningRainbow · 31/03/2022 19:12

Oh and you can seek urgent decisions on things like house sales - but I'm 4 months in and haven't heard anything yet, so urgent is a relative term!

Soontobe60 · 31/03/2022 19:13

Your dd sounds amazing! Her aunts not quite so great. Is she using a solicitor to obtain the CoP Deputyship? The cost of the application can be set aside from their DFs money if your dd has already paid out for it. Once it’s granted, they will support your DD in terms of maintaining good financial records etc.

Soontobe60 · 31/03/2022 19:15

@RunningRainbow

I'm applying for deputyship myself for a family member where they do not have capacity. Being next of kin has nothing to do with it. Has your daughter applied for health and welfare as well as property and finances deputyship? It sounds like this might be a situation where it will be granted.

At some point, the court will require your daughter to serve notice of application for deputyship upon her father's sisters as by any measure, they will be interested parties. Currently it's taking around 6 months to grant deputyship. It's likely, if his sisters object, that there will be a hearing, and your daughter and other applicants will be best to have representation for that. My Family Member has actually objected to my application and as part of trying to represent their best interests, I actually completed the forms objecting with them and for them - it is necessary for them to challenge it for their own mental health, however, their capacity issues mean that deputyship is also the right thing to do for them.

If your daughter seeks legal representation, the costs will fall due to her father to pay in the event of being granted deputyship. There are rules about how much solicitors can charge for court of protection work.

Should you want to pm to get the name of the firm that I'm using, feel free.

I’m looking into this for my step father but a solicitor told us to wait 6 months because he may well die before it’s actually granted! Could I DM you about who you’re using please - it’ll be later in this evening!
M0RVEN · 31/03/2022 19:16

@Vapeyvapevape

There's no letting agent .
If a letting agent took on the house they would need to issue a tenancy agreement . And you don’t want that because a lodger has far fewer rights than a tenant.
Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 19:18

@AnguaResurgam dd and her 2 half siblings are applying for joint deputyship.

@RunningRainbow thank you, it's such a difficult process, I didn't know they would have to serve notice to their aunts , who I'm pretty sure they would argue against it.

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RunningRainbow · 31/03/2022 19:19

@Soontobe60 of course!

Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 19:21

She has paid for the deputyship already, she was worried about getting a solicitor because of the cost, so good to know it can come out of her father's money.

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Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 19:27

@M0RVEN and the cost of a letting agent would mean less money to go towards bills.

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tkwal · 31/03/2022 19:34

Sounds like the aunts are interfering in a very serious way. They have no right to be telling your ex's children what they should be doing. Given that your daughter is down as next of kin, they wouldn't have a leg to stand on

Mariposista · 31/03/2022 19:36

I can’t offer advice but just have to say, kudos to your daughter for being so mature and willing to step up. We had a similar situation with someone in my family and the daughter in the situation, same age, buried her head in the sand, hid behind her mother and ‘lived her life’. I am still disgusted 4 years later. Who have obviously raised a lovely girl.

Mariposista · 31/03/2022 19:36

@Mariposista

I can’t offer advice but just have to say, kudos to your daughter for being so mature and willing to step up. We had a similar situation with someone in my family and the daughter in the situation, same age, buried her head in the sand, hid behind her mother and ‘lived her life’. I am still disgusted 4 years later. Who have obviously raised a lovely girl.
You*
Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 19:44

Thank you @Mariposista I'm really proud of her, not only dealing with the practicalities but the emotional side of things too , it's been really tough for her x

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EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 31/03/2022 19:44

No advice but just wanted to say your daughter sounds fantastic to be dealing with it all so well

The aunts sound bloody awful to be causing so much stress in such difficult circumstances

M0RVEN · 31/03/2022 19:48

[quote Vapeyvapevape]@M0RVEN and the cost of a letting agent would mean less money to go towards bills.[/quote]
There’s lots of legislation that would apply if it was a tenancy, and this property probably isn’t compliant eg EICR, gas safety checks, smoke alarms, PAT tests, insurance .

So you really don’t want to go down the tenancy and letting agent route.

Mariposista · 31/03/2022 19:53

@Vapeyvapevape

Thank you *@Mariposista* I'm really proud of her, not only dealing with the practicalities but the emotional side of things too , it's been really tough for her x
You should be. I’ve shown your post to my mum who was left to pick up the pieces when my relative’s daughter decided it was ‘too much’ for her. Your girl has acted exactly how she should have done. All the best to you all.
Original poster
Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 20:18

@M0RVEN I used to own an HMO so know all about the hassle regarding rentals. We certainly don't want that added to the pot !

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