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Original poster

Separation non married can he demand half of everything?

133 replies

Joanne2015 · 15/09/2021 17:00

Non married with 3 kids. My family paid £240k to the house, it’s now worth 290k over past 6 years. I was gifted £50k to pay deposit and I paid 15 of my own, he paid 10k. They then paid the mortgage company directly the remaining amount 3 years later. We are spreading and he says to sell the house and split it 50/50. I don’t want to do that as it means moving the kids out the house my family wanted for them. It’s a great and safe area, they have friends and school here. I am trying to find a way to buy him out but the max I can go to is 120k. He won’t accept that saying I’m forcing him to move back to England as he only earns 1380 a month. I’ve tried to say that to walk away with £120k after 6 years is more than most folk and if it means his kids get to stay in their family home then he’s being selfish.. he keeps saying he can’t see me stay here and be with another man.(not even on the card btw) but it’s all about him and he is literally taking me to the cleaners for the sake of 20/30k. I will now need to take 100k mortgage on just to give him this figure for the next 33 years. I’m so upset and angry now as I can’t believe he is so entitled to the house my family provided. Emotions running high right now but will I at least be able to make sure I get the 65k deposit back before the house is split 50/50? Anyone can offer any reassurance?

OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 15/09/2021 17:56

See a solicitor, but I expect that he's just starting high so that he'll get paid off. The solicitor will advise on what he can and can't expect to get. He will probably threaten legal action, but your family is well off and he would have to use his own money (not joint money) to pay for his legal advice so he will run out of money before your family does. If your family threaten to go to court to get back everything they've put into the house he could lose the lot, plus legal costs.

Don't let him think he has all the power here. I expect he will settle out of court for a figure that is more than he's put in but much, much less than half of everything.

But definitely legal advise is your first port of call, and tell your family.

LushAlice · 15/09/2021 17:57

A friend of mine recovered 70% of the house proceeds on her divorce, on the basis that she put that proportion in (it was her inheritance). So that should give you hope, especially as you're not married. I hope you take the CF to the cleaners - good luck!

EdgeOfTheSky · 15/09/2021 17:58

Aargh. It would have been much better had you bought as tenants in common and had a deed protecting the money your family gave you. I am surprised your family didn't insist on that.

Hey ho - well done getting an appointment with a lawyer, and take all your evidence as to how much your family contributed and how much you paid.

His behaviour is horrible. I hope you can fight him.

Good luck!

Original poster
Joanne2015 · 15/09/2021 18:00

Yeah

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 15/09/2021 18:00

@Joanne2015

Yeah I’m seeing one on Friday thanks. 😊 just distraught right now after a huge argument
Stop listening to him. Listen to your solicitor on Friday.
Zilla1 · 15/09/2021 18:01

OP, You through your family clearly have the financial power in the relationship and as you're unmarried, might be able to leverage this with the audit trail of financial contributions from your family. Don't make or confirm any evidential statements about the nature of your parents contribution being a gift. His position is unreasonable so he doesn't deserve your charity. Depending on the jurisdiction and who feels the urgency to close things off quickly, I suspect he won't be in a position to insist on half and to realise that through the courts to force a sale quickly to give him that. Your starting point for an offer shouldn't be the £120k you think you can afford, rather the £10k capital contribution he made plus a few £k pro rata share of the uplift to anchor the negotiations. Good luck.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/09/2021 18:02

This should have been discussed with the original solicitor when you bought the house. They should have been asking questions and advising you to get independent advice to protect your assets.

If you are registered as joint tenants, presumably there will be something in the original solicitors instruction letter or files taking instructions on that point. I'd contact them and ask for a copy of any instructions they have relating to this issue. It's something you should have been asked about and agreed, in which case surely you would be aware of it?
The fact that the mortgage is in joint names doesn't affect whether you are joint tenants of the house.
The fact that your parents had to sign saying the deposit was a gift to you should have flagged this up to the solicitors - they were aware that you contributed unequal shares and you should have been advised at the very least to get independent legal advice on how to protect your larger share.

ProseccoThyme · 15/09/2021 18:04

If it is in Scotland, you can start a section 28 Claim. I know a good Edinburgh-based solicitor who can help.

Dillydollydingdong · 15/09/2021 18:06

You'll need to check Scottish law. See a Scottish solicitor.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 15/09/2021 18:06

Do you have the deeds to the house handy? I think you can get them online if not. Check to see if it says the following in them:

“No disposition by a sole proprietor of the registered estate (except a trust corporation) under which capital money arises is to be registered unless authorised by an order of the court.”

If so this is good news and some of the money may have been ringfenced by the solicitor. If not, you’ll prob have to go 50/50, although that would be a serious dick move on his part.

Summersnake · 15/09/2021 18:20

I can not understand why you put him on the morgage …at least you had the sense not to marry him I suppose

burnoutbabe · 15/09/2021 18:28

Well it's a 50/50 point but in stack v dowden they gave the women more (they clearly had separate finances) and in another the lady got 90% (the chap had moved out years before and not contributed)

So there is cases to suggest a non 50/50 split but litigation is expensive and you are the one who would have to sue to claim more than the default 50%.

burnoutbabe · 15/09/2021 18:30

Other case was jones v kernott but as it's Scotland you live in, that's all irrelevant.

(Think the forums should always say -state your jurisdiction up top!!)

PaterPower · 15/09/2021 18:38

Lots of crap being thrown at the male partner here (possibly deserved, possibly not)

Yes, he could be a complete CF cocklodger. But you’ve got a comparatively low earner (was he the primary caregiver?) who has moved country with his DP and started a family. He’s become used to a lifestyle, which we accept as a valid factor in divorce settlements.

He’s faced with the end of his relationship, separation from his DC, relocation, finding new work (I assume) - effectively starting from scratch - all, presumably, without the equivalent of OP’s Parents’ financial safety net to fall back on.

OP’s parents have never taken steps to ring fence their contributions, so why wouldn’t he see that as a gift given to both of them? They have also contributed large sums on a monthly basis which have been used to support the whole family’s standard of living.

Original poster
Joanne2015 · 15/09/2021 18:53

You are right… he isn’t a cock whatever and no he doesn’t deserve to get shafted but I’d hardly say after a 10k contribution walking out of this with a 25k bmw and &120k instead of 140/150k is a bum deal would you, to know your kids aren’t going to go through the added disruption of being taken from their friends, homes and having to move to a smaller house.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 15/09/2021 18:54

Is this in England?

If it is and his name is on the ddeds and you didn't protect your deposit when you bought the property then he is entitled to 50% of the equity.

knittingaddict · 15/09/2021 18:56

It's Scotland? No idea then, but I'm sure others do.

EdgeOfTheSky · 15/09/2021 19:12

Would he still get 50/50 if the OP is RP to the 3 kids?

burnoutbabe · 15/09/2021 19:21

@EdgeOfTheSky

Would he still get 50/50 if the OP is RP to the 3 kids?
If England then the kids doesn't matter. It's not a divorce, it's property law (well equity and trusts)

Child support is done different. They may delay a sale until kids older but the split stays the same (though if one party stops paying, they may alter the % for the post split part). That was Jones v kernott I think.

NoYOUbekind · 15/09/2021 19:31

Go and see a solicitor. Make sure it's a good one. Zip your lips until you've done that, don't be walking around promising him 120k. His starting point is not necessarily anywhere near your starting point. A relative of mine was in a similar position (though a shorter relationship and they were actually married) and she paid much less than that. Her solicitor's starting point was 'what did he bring into the relationship?'

Accept too that he is probably going to disappear to England and not pay CMS so don't be throwing away your kids' future security.

Embracelife · 15/09/2021 19:39

You need a solicitor.
Don't offer anything until you sat down znd looked at legal position
Potential to claim back his share as child maintenance s?

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 15/09/2021 19:39

It's really not helpful to compare divorce settlements to this. A divorce is a completely different scenario. All assets go in the pool and the issue of what each party brought to the marriage and what is happening with the children are weighted to arrive at a settlement.

This is not a divorce. The division of a house owned by an unmarried couple is a business deal, no more no less. People get what they legally own. If you want to be treated like a married couple, you have to get married.

knittingaddict · 15/09/2021 19:47

I agree BuffySummersReportingforSanity. Proof once again that it's not just a piece of paper.

knittingaddict · 15/09/2021 19:48

@NoYOUbekind

Go and see a solicitor. Make sure it's a good one. Zip your lips until you've done that, don't be walking around promising him 120k. His starting point is not necessarily anywhere near your starting point. A relative of mine was in a similar position (though a shorter relationship and they were actually married) and she paid much less than that. Her solicitor's starting point was 'what did he bring into the relationship?'

Accept too that he is probably going to disappear to England and not pay CMS so don't be throwing away your kids' future security.

Marriage makes a huge difference. Its not at all comparable.
burnoutbabe · 15/09/2021 19:53

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

It's really not helpful to compare divorce settlements to this. A divorce is a completely different scenario. All assets go in the pool and the issue of what each party brought to the marriage and what is happening with the children are weighted to arrive at a settlement.

This is not a divorce. The division of a house owned by an unmarried couple is a business deal, no more no less. People get what they legally own. If you want to be treated like a married couple, you have to get married.

But here they own 50/50. That's the starting point for any split.

It's assumed a couple buying jointly are wanting to share.
Less clear lf friends buy together but if friends chose 50/50 then that's what will happen as they are coming to it with a cool head and no issues if saying "look I put in 75% so I want 75% back". So if they decide not to do that, it's assumed they did want to share.

The land registry forms are fairly clear about affects of choosing joint or tenants in common, as should be most solicitors.