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Legal matters

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Been accused of parental alienation by psychologist

68 replies

Yellowbeans21 · 28/07/2021 20:33

Just looking for some advice please - hearing soon! Currently in court with my daughter's father, and have been for 18 months. Due to covid it has taken a long time.

My daughter aged 9 doesn't want to have contact with him, there was an accident between him and his ex wife. She says he strangled her but in court he was found not guilty, somehow! I've spoken to his ex she is adamant it happened and us girls meet up for coffee etc with her kids too, I trust her version of events.

DD's dad also owns guns for work to kill animals he is a greenkeeper. I am scared he will use them around our daughter. I saw him have them around her when I collected her once from his work place and the barrel was at her throat! Thankfully it was not loaded. He had her killing moles and all sorts!

CAFCASS are really being difficult and won't listen to my daughter. They tried to start contact in a contact centre but she was so scared and worried and wet the bed so I didn't take her. My exes mother threatened me and said she would "get an axe to my head"! So obviously I stopped contact between my dd and grandparents too, that's horrific! I tried to make a complaint about our Cafcass officer and get another officer on our case but they refused. They are happy his guns are safe and he is safe with them - how I don't know! The court ordered a psychologist to evaluate us all costing the Government £6000! So they are serious. This huge 50 Pg report says she is scared, anxious but warmed to the interviewer, they took this as she misses a father figure! She's just a nice girl! They believe I am parentally alienating my daughter and said that if I won't change I should lose my daughter as it's abuse! I can't believe it! And if her dad won't step up he won't gain contact, but that there are no safety concerns regarding him and he came across as "warm" Hmm Me however, not so much! Of course I'm on edge, I'm scared and so is our DD. I just want what she wants but no one is listening to her requests. They went in her school without telling me to interview her too! Position statements have been handed in I've asked this be the final hearing because her decision won't change. Her dad has asked for reintroduction of contact building up he is getting a house with a bedroom for her etc. My daughter is refusing any contact and is scared. Her mental health is bad but no one else apparently can see that. Relate did!
Hearing is soon, what do I do? How can I take her to contact when she is so scared? I send a photo and little update every month for her df, I appreciate it isn't what her dad wants but why won't he respect her wishes? Any legal advice very welcome. I can't afford any more solicitors I am in so much debt from this!! I had one before but couldn't keep up payments. It's cost me a fortune! Sad

OP posts:
LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 30/07/2021 07:34

That my be your experience; it's not my own. I very often despaired of the quality of SW in care proceedings - including one who consistently referred to it as 'rest bite' care - I never felt that Cafcass were biased, overstepping or just plain wrong. And, unfortunately, in the very few cases where they suggested PA (or attempted/emerging PA) it was my bloody client. And they weren't wrong.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 30/07/2021 07:36

I agree, however, that you shouldn't worry unduly about the strangulation and his being found NG in criminal proceedings. The standard isn't the same in family proceedings: I've had findings of fact contrary to what happened at the criminal trial.

MahMahMahMahCorona · 30/07/2021 07:47

Look up Free Family Law Child Arrangements Advice (U.K.) on FB, and join it. Excellent group run by a McKenzie friend where you can get a lot of advice for free.

sleepyshiftworker · 30/07/2021 08:23

OP I have t read all the thread but skimmed through your posts.

You need to get some help for your anxiety. I don't think you're putting your child's need for a relationship with her father at the centre of this. You're clearly very anxious and tbh I think ridiculous - she shouldn't see or have a relationship with her father because she's a sweet and gentle child and he has guns and kills animals for his job I better pop down to the butchers this morning and let them know they're not to see their kids any more either.

Take a big breath.

She's a child and she will feed off of you. Are you discussing this in front of her? Is she aware of your hysteria over this?

vivainsomnia · 30/07/2021 08:59

The problem with parental alienation is that when it happens, the parents committing is never self-aware of it. It is part of their normality. They rarely alienate to that extent because they just want to be difficult, or because they want revenge, they almost always do because they are convinced of that the child is in danger.

The problem is that they often perceive a danger that is not there, and pick up on signs that are not there either, or worse, have build the child's mind with their own anxieties and worries and then feed on them to justify their concerns. It becomes a vicious circle.

It doesn't take away the horrid feeling that you are not protecting, or not let to protect your child.

OP, you need to take it one step at a time. You are not going to win this. You can scream as much as you want that all the expects got it wrong, sadly, their view has more juridiction that yours...because they are experts. You are much better off going along with their recommendations but using these to strenghten your case.

NOTHING is going to happen adversively to your daughter during supervise contact. You need to repeat this over and over to your daughter so that it isn't a scary punishment for her. She needs to believe that she is in control. She won't have to talk to him or do anything he says. She just needs to go there and just see how it goes, just be herself.

There will be professionals there to assess the whole experience and that can only help, either because your daughter actually get to enjoy these times, which is good, or because they note how miserable she is and that will go towards no direct contact.

The more you fight, the worse it will go for you, the more frightened your daughter will be.

Yellowbeans21 · 02/08/2021 17:45

Thank you for all the responses, the good and bad. I appreciate the time you took to give me your opinions.

I have not been able to get legal representation unfortunately.

A report was due from the court appointed guardian (Cafcass officer) last week and it has not been delivered. It was a court ordered report. I have tried contacting the solicitor who has been granted on behalf of our daughter, who put the bundle together and is solicitor for the guardian also. But they haven't got back to me about this reports whereabouts.

Our hearing is soon and so this report won't be given to all parties on time.

Should I be worried about this? Why wouldn't they give the guardians report before a hearing? Is this normal?

Neither parent has a solicitor, I don't think it is on that we haven't seen it before the hearing so we can get advice regarding it.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 18:41

why do you not have legal representation ?

Yellowbeans21 · 02/08/2021 22:26

Because I cannot afford it

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 22:57

@Yellowbeans21

Because I cannot afford it

then check to see if you qualify for Legal Aid

nationallegalservice.co.uk/family-solicitors/?gclid=CjwKCAjwr56IBhAvEiwA1fuqGpnpCT1CCgICpJXKOXieKnytGGeOKL2FomdVPtyeHPw09UGTuvqb1BoCp58QAvD_BwE

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 23:15

Sorry Im assuming your in the South 🌸

QueenBee52 · 02/08/2021 23:15

*you're

Yellowbeans21 · 03/08/2021 01:06

I don't.

The guardian is on holiday so is the guardians solicitor so they will miss the hearing.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 03/08/2021 02:54

then the Hearing will be postponed ?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/08/2021 09:58

Op,

I really don't understand this, I have been going through the family courts for the last 13 years with multiple different CaffCass officers, They have never had a solicitor, we never had a solicitor, the other party never had a solicitor and neither did DSS.
Why does Your dd have a solicitor but not you or your ex? Why does the caffcass officer have a solicitor?

I think you are being extremely vague with what has actually gone on here, it all sounds quite serious.

I grew up in care and the only time I as a child had to have my own solicitor/GAL was during care proceedings when the court was obtaining a care order. Is this what is happening?

Has this actually moved on to care proceedings?

I think if You want genuine help and advice then you need to be completely honest as what has gone on.

I've just had a quick google and it does look like caffcass will appoint a child a solicitor if there are care proceedings.

BingBongToTheMoon · 03/08/2021 10:05

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Op,

I really don't understand this, I have been going through the family courts for the last 13 years with multiple different CaffCass officers, They have never had a solicitor, we never had a solicitor, the other party never had a solicitor and neither did DSS.
Why does Your dd have a solicitor but not you or your ex? Why does the caffcass officer have a solicitor?

I think you are being extremely vague with what has actually gone on here, it all sounds quite serious.

I grew up in care and the only time I as a child had to have my own solicitor/GAL was during care proceedings when the court was obtaining a care order. Is this what is happening?

Has this actually moved on to care proceedings?

I think if You want genuine help and advice then you need to be completely honest as what has gone on.

I've just had a quick google and it does look like caffcass will appoint a child a solicitor if there are care proceedings.

It’s definitely starting to sound like care proceedings here.
30degreesandmeltinghere · 03/08/2021 10:09

My case had a guardian who had a solicitor.. Def no care proceedings whatsoever..
4 year case where the guardian admitted his entire report was based on 'facts' he got from my exh.
He also told exh when the dna testing appointment was... Very dodgy bloke imo.
I won as I hoped...
Moving forward keep your words factual op. It will go a long way being short and honest but not emotional...

JustAnotherLawyer2 · 03/08/2021 16:11

It is not unusual at all in what is usually referred to as 'intractable issues' for a guardian to be appointed for the child - the guardian is usually the CAFCASS officer that has already dealt with the case. The guardian is appointed to act in the interests of the child, and the solicitor is the CHILD's solicitor - who takes instructions from the guardian who ACTS for the child. It is NOT the guardian's solicitor at all.

Please stop guessing and then making assumptions. If you don't know something, ask. There are several family lawyers on this particular board on MN, so you are bound to get an answer to a genuine query. I can't pretend I read all posts in a thread, I usually skip to the most recent from the OP, so I won't read every query, but will answer if I do see it.

These are private law proceedings. The only point at which they'd become care proceedings is if the judge decides both parents are unsuitable carers. That doesn't appear to be happening here at all.

OP, my very first post said 'get a barrister' - if you haven't done that, then don't expect the best outcome at the hearing. Prepare yourself for that.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/08/2021 16:47

@JustAnotherLawyer2

It is not unusual at all in what is usually referred to as 'intractable issues' for a guardian to be appointed for the child - the guardian is usually the CAFCASS officer that has already dealt with the case. The guardian is appointed to act in the interests of the child, and the solicitor is the CHILD's solicitor - who takes instructions from the guardian who ACTS for the child. It is NOT the guardian's solicitor at all.

Please stop guessing and then making assumptions. If you don't know something, ask. There are several family lawyers on this particular board on MN, so you are bound to get an answer to a genuine query. I can't pretend I read all posts in a thread, I usually skip to the most recent from the OP, so I won't read every query, but will answer if I do see it.

These are private law proceedings. The only point at which they'd become care proceedings is if the judge decides both parents are unsuitable carers. That doesn't appear to be happening here at all.

OP, my very first post said 'get a barrister' - if you haven't done that, then don't expect the best outcome at the hearing. Prepare yourself for that.

Was this aimed at me? I am only going by what op said that Caffcass has a solicitor and so does her child.

Yes I am not a solicitor or claim to be, I am honestly just going by my own experiences of 13 years through the family court and as a child in care when I had to have a guardian ad litem and also a solicitor.

I got to the end of my post and then googled about children needing a solicitor in family court and the reason why. I can not find anything online about a child in family court proceedings needing a solicitor and a guardian unless it is care proceedings. If I'm wrong Im wrong and will admit that.

This is what I found:

If proceedings are brought by the local authority (known as “care proceedings”), your child will automatically be a party to the proceedings. It is more unusual for a child to be made a party in private law proceedings (such as in disputes as to where a child should live or who the child should see).

If your child is a party to the Court proceedings, a Children’s Guardian will be appointed to represent them by CAFCASS who will instruct a solicitor to act for your child. The solicitor will usually take instructions from the Children’s Guardian. However if your child disagrees with their Children’s Guardian and the solicitor considers that they are competent to instruct them direct, that solicitor will then take instructions direct from your child. There is no specific age when this could happen but it would be very unusual for a child under 12 to demonstrate that they have sufficient understanding.

From HERE The family law company.

And also

When working with children in respect of public law (care) proceedings, the Cafcass worker is known as a children’s guardian.

The guardian’s most important role is to make sure that local authority arrangements and decisions for and about children protect them, promote their welfare and are in their best interests.

In care proceedings, their job is to make independent enquiries and check the local authority’s care plan to ensure that it protects children, promotes their welfare and is in their best interests. This will include making sure that children are able to live with other family members or people connected to them or to be reunited with their parents if this can be made safe enough and is in their long-term best interest. It is also to let the court know what they think should happen.

What will the guardian do?
The guardian will:

appoint a solicitor to represent your child;
advise the court, at the first court hearing, on the work that needs to be done before it can make a decision about your child’s future and whether other independent professionals may help the court with advice, e.g. a doctor or psychologist;
talk to your child to find out their wishes and feelings (where they are able to share this), and tell the court during the case what they think is best for your child, including their stated wishes and feelings.

Found HERE CaffCass website.

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