Been accused of parental alienation by psychologist

[Yellowbeans21]

Just looking for some advice please - hearing soon! Currently in court with my daughter's father, and have been for 18 months. Due to covid it has taken a long time.

My daughter aged 9 doesn't want to have contact with him, there was an accident between him and his ex wife. She says he strangled her but in court he was found not guilty, somehow! I've spoken to his ex she is adamant it happened and us girls meet up for coffee etc with her kids too, I trust her version of events.

DD's dad also owns guns for work to kill animals he is a greenkeeper. I am scared he will use them around our daughter. I saw him have them around her when I collected her once from his work place and the barrel was at her throat! Thankfully it was not loaded. He had her killing moles and all sorts!

CAFCASS are really being difficult and won't listen to my daughter. They tried to start contact in a contact centre but she was so scared and worried and wet the bed so I didn't take her. My exes mother threatened me and said she would "get an axe to my head"! So obviously I stopped contact between my dd and grandparents too, that's horrific! I tried to make a complaint about our Cafcass officer and get another officer on our case but they refused. They are happy his guns are safe and he is safe with them - how I don't know! The court ordered a psychologist to evaluate us all costing the Government £6000! So they are serious. This huge 50 Pg report says she is scared, anxious but warmed to the interviewer, they took this as she misses a father figure! She's just a nice girl! They believe I am parentally alienating my daughter and said that if I won't change I should lose my daughter as it's abuse! I can't believe it! And if her dad won't step up he won't gain contact, but that there are no safety concerns regarding him and he came across as "warm" Me however, not so much! Of course I'm on edge, I'm scared and so is our DD. I just want what she wants but no one is listening to her requests. They went in her school without telling me to interview her too! Position statements have been handed in I've asked this be the final hearing because her decision won't change. Her dad has asked for reintroduction of contact building up he is getting a house with a bedroom for her etc. My daughter is refusing any contact and is scared. Her mental health is bad but no one else apparently can see that. Relate did!
Hearing is soon, what do I do? How can I take her to contact when she is so scared? I send a photo and little update every month for her df, I appreciate it isn't what her dad wants but why won't he respect her wishes? Any legal advice very welcome. I can't afford any more solicitors I am in so much debt from this!! I had one before but couldn't keep up payments. It's cost me a fortune!

JustAnotherLawyer2 why would you not want to believe your clients when you probably get a lot of legal aid work. 70-80% of family court cases now allege domestic abuse. Are they all being abused. I doubt it.

You do know parental alienation isn't gendered I hope? Lots of women also have to go through parental alienation, so saying it's a gendered issue is just outdated pseudoscience and not helpful for them. Hopefully we can move away from the gendered opinion of domestic violence as it's not helpful. We wouldn't be making broad generalizations about other sectors of society about their immutable characteristics.

Yellowbeans21, was this person a groundsman when you met him? This doesn't sound like the kind of guy that used to work in an office and suddenly had a revelation and decided to take to the outdoor life. I suspect he has had guns for a long time as it's his career.

I don't understand why findings wouldn't have gone against him if there were witnesses as it's the balance of balance of probabilities.

You can try getting a direct access barrister but I found they are dreadful personally. I am pleased my Solicitor has access to chambers as I would rather have represented myself. You need to get on this right away if you go down this route as the good ones will have no availability.

How comes my Solicitor laughed and said most of the domestic abuse allegations are made up for legal aid and to ask a very well known Barrister who concurred. She said it's currently trendy to allege domestic abuse like it was trendy to allege munchausen syndrome before. She has 30 years experience.

I don't do legal aid work. You misunderstand the role of a lawyer if you think that we 'have to believe our clients'.

I have practised family law for a very long time. You, on the other hand, have only your own drum to beat. Your experience is valid, but it doesn't discount all those that have an opposite finding to yours.

The barristers one can find via direct access are the self same barristers in chambers, they are not different breeds. The clerks are the ones who assess which barrister to allocate - same as when you use the direct access link. Yes, solicitors have people they prefer to use, but that doesn't mean they're the best for the circumstances - there is always someone better suited.

Having watched a documentary about family courts recently this sounds very worrying to me. Parental alienation seems to be the ‘gotcha’ to counter claims of domestic violence. The child could be taken from you and placed with the father if they don’t think you are enabling contact with your daughter’s father. I haven’t been in your situation but if you haven’t watched the documentary I suggest you do. I think it was on BBC iplayer

@Yellowbeans21

That's the thing Cafcass and the psychological report recommend 1 session supervised by the guardian, the Cafcass officer I complained about. This is apparently only going to be supervised so they can watch the reintroduction and how it goes. Then they are saying contact in the community. Then they are saying there is no need to supervise because there are safety no concerns! There are concerns, I listed them in my first post. It's also not good for DD's mental health being in this state it's obviously having a huge impact, she wet herself and hasn't in years. "The professionals" opinion is the same as yours but I've not said anything to my dd about it other than asking her when she has brought it up, what she wants. I don't understand how and why they can take a child from their mother for someone who doesn't even share her surname or has seen her in two years even if he did see her every week before, a lot has changed since! I'm glad they interviewed her in school because then she can say what she wants, some info on the fact they were going would have been nice is all. Does having parental responsibility mean nothing? Even the school, they have sent him reports etc without informing me. It's a lot behind my back. I really can't afford any legal help. I've asked this be the final hearing, hopefully it will and they respect our DDS wishes and feelings.

Both parents have the right to all reports from school, your permission isn’t required for that to happen. Having different surnames is extremely common - and isn’t a reason for your dd to see her father. They would have outlined the access timeline, and if at any time things were not going well for your dd they would change the timescale. If, at the first supervised contact, your dd showed distress then more than likely they would plan for further supervised sessions. The fact that he was found not guilty of assaulting his ex means that cannot be taken into consideration - presumably your dd was questioned by a social worker about this incident if it went to court? Her father also has parental responsibility - and your dd deserves to have a relationship with him if at all possible. I hope the courts get an honest picture of your ex, and if he is as awful as you say, then he may well not get a great deal of contact. You would have known that cafcas would be going into school too, it’s important that what your dd says isn’t coerced by either parent, so at times they don’t inform the parents exactly when they are going in.

@JustAnotherLawyer2

What you do is gather every single penny you have (beg or borrow if you have to) and instruct a direct access barrister who is versed in domestic abuse and parental alienation - and you instruct them.

I'm afraid there isn't anything anyone online can do to assist you (except maybe offering you handholds and anecdotes) - you NEED a barrister who knows what they are doing and will be able to assess whether there are grounds to debunk the 'expert's' opinion.

THIS. Plus - I take it you reported the gun incident and threats to the police? And - I'd be asking what the basis is for DD not wanting to see her father. Fear isn't a reason, it's a symptom.

FreeBritnee yeah and they have had 100s of complains for their sexist approach. I didn't even watch it as I knew what was going to be portrayed as soon as I heard Dr Adrienne Barnett was staring to preach her bigotry. You would get a more accurate approach here:
parentalalienationuk.info/

JustAnotherLawyer2, I am sure they are different breeds. Top class barristers aren't going to mess around with direct access. Why would they deal with the public when they can work directly with a good Solicitor?

I have a mooch around and found they were bad when I interviewed them from Clerks direct etc. Any decent barristers I emailed directly didn't respond as they didn't need to as they had plenty of work.

It's not my own beat it's statistics! Pleased to hear you aren't an ambulance chaser!

OP you need to follow their advice/ direction around contact. If not, you could be seen to be obstructive to a process. It’ll be hard for you, however you need to trust that the experts will see how your daughter feels and what’s best for her. At the moment they may view you as a big issue.
School wise, unless there’s a court order filed with the school, both parents have rights to reports. Schools will write reports for other agencies. From the school’s perspective, often they only hear one parent’s side. Agencies will come to see your child without warning- this stops parents priming their child or a child picking up on parental anxiety.
As a PP said, fear is not a reason as it’s a symptom. Your anxiety could be transferring to your child. This is possibly what they’ve picked up. You might not like it, but both parents have rights, unless there is a genuine/ proven safeguarding/ safety reason to restrict the rights of one parent.

@Yellowbeans21

Does your DH have any history of risking your DD?

Your objection to him seems to be an assault charge he was acquitted of and his occupation

Neither of if those is good enough to demonstrate he is a poor father of a danger to your DD. It's clear that you are worried but if you continue to obstruct this process you risk losing your daughter.

You seem to think that you are the only parent with rights here. I expect her dad wasn't informed about her interview either. They are treating you fairly. Whilst you continue to perceive CAFCASS as 'team dad' and obstruct their work, you risk losing your DD. Please set your personal feelings aside and facilitate your DD's supervised contact with her father

Solicitor in Scotland by trade, albeit on leave.

The comments about the interview being without permission are not sitting well with me.

You will have been told that a report was to be prepared, you knew that. The child must, must, must be interviewed independently from both parents. Here, we may have a bar report or a psychologist report and they may also meet the child with each parent, depending on the remit. The essential part though is seeing the child alone in a neutral setting.

Imagine the other side. Say she was having some contact with dad and he wanted more. The report writer saw her there only? What would you be saying about that? That of course she said she wanted more contact, she was with her dad when interviewed.

I would have been more concerned if they had let you know the time and place, completely blurs the reports independence.

You really need to get some representation.

At 9 she has to go and you gave to take her to the contact centre.
If you angry and frustrated in your dealings with carcass
And he is calm
They will reflect that.
Better to agree to supervised
Take her there
Ask for camhs support with anxiety bed wetting etc

His parental responsibility means he has access to school records etc same as you do

Did you watch this OP?
www.channel4.com/press/news/torn-apart-family-courts-uncovered-dispatches

I don't know if it might have some relevant advice on what to do or avoid?

'You're sure'? No, you think, and you think incorrectly. Lots of barristers apply for and obtain direct access rights, including many, many excellent ones who I know personally. You say you 'interviewed them', but you know that's not true - you didn't interview every single direct access barrister out there - you at best talked to a few. This is the type of posturing on these threads that I seriously dislike.

Yes, you beat one drum. There's a whole orchestra you know nothing about. I am not negating your experience (for you), but it is just that, YOUR experience.

To the poster who said that the family court did not need to take into consideration the criminal case because there was an NG outcome - that's false information. There are two standards of proof - certain as to be sure (i.e. beyond a reasonable doubt) and in the civil courts (which include family court), on the balance of probability. Someone can be found NG in the criminal courts and the family court can still find as fact that something happened.

It's one of the reasons why people simply don't really understand family courts and the power they have, and why people hate that they lack transparency.

To the OP - as I said in my very first post - GET A BARRISTER.

To the OP - as I said in my very first post - GET A BARRISTER.

you must do this and FAST

I really feel for you as you are clearly frightened and worried about access and as a mother that is horrible position to be in.

As much as you probably do not want to hear this, I think there possibly is an element of parental Alienation going on on your part. Your child should not be this scared of her parent. It’s a very telling sign that if children have been treated well by a parent and then want nothing to do with them, that there has been subconscious or conscious alienation going on. It is not normal for a child to hate their parent as much as your child does.

I would suggest that you need to start playing ball with ex. Your child is old enough now to understand basic safety, like not playing with guns etc. You need to really talk her parent up for her sake.

I'm no legal expert, but I do know that parental alienation is a serious allegation. The Family court have asked for a £6000 psychology report, that must ring some alarm bells somewhere OP.

I understand and appreciate your concerns and why you feel the way you do, but children have the right to a meaningful relationship with both parents where no safety concerns can be proven.

You have to start engaging OP, you risk loosing all contact here. You do not want her forcibly removed and handed over to her father leaving you with nothing . If your worried about her mental health now, imagine how much that would negatively impact her.

It's your job now to prepare her for contact, your job to ease her anxiety and help her. Supervised contact Inna contact center will do no harm, if there are issues staff will report it, but honestly you need to engage now.

@Yellowbeans21 This is a terrible situation to be in. I don’t know you, but I believe you. There have been numerous accounts of this happening to other women and children. I don’t want to cause you more anxiety but familiarise yourself with other similar cases. Objectively examine what the mother did and said, what the father did and said, what the child/ren did and said, what the family courts did and said and what the outcome was. Ask what are the similarities between your case and theirs. What worked, what didn’t work. Make a plan. I agree that you need good representation but I sympathise if you cannot truly afford it.

Can you find an independent psychologist for your daughter of your own choosing who will listen objectively and empathetically to your daughter? She needs the best support right now.

You also need support. Can you get independent counselling for yourself? While you don’t believe that you are engaging in parental alienation (and I have no evidence to base disbelieving you), you have been accused of it. Simply denying it will not work in your favour. Perhaps saying you’ve taken on board their constructive criticism and are open minded to the possibility of parental alienation, so you have sought counselling or engaged in a parenting course to help you, will be viewed as a positive step.

Try to be objective, calm and aware of how your words and actions could be misconstrued.

It is a minefield, thread carefully. Easier said then done, I know.

Familiarise yourself with other similar cases so you know where you stand.

I hope for an outcome that is truly in the best interest of your daughter. Her basic human right to be safe is far more important than anything else.

Good luck

Thread was meant to be tread (autocorrect)

Hi. I was in exact same situation. My kids were terrified of their father. Refused to he left with him. He broke daughters wrist whilst she was forced to spend time under supervision with him (he stamped on her arm 'playing'. I was accused by a psychologist, paid for by him, of brainwashing my kids. All lies.
I sacked my solicitor, who I felt wasn't helping at all. I represented myself, spoke to CAFFCASS etc, and refused to take part in what was becoming a witch hunt against me, rather than focusing on the children.
They ended up with independent state funded legal representation, who spoke to them without any input from me at all. They were 11,10 and 6 by then... They were finally listened to, and the whole case fell apart. He was banned from seeing them via a court order. It took 4 years and was the most stressful thing ever. My heart goes out to you.

JustAnotherLawyer2

Define interview:
"An interview is a formal meeting at which someone is asked questions in order to find out if they are suitable for a job or a course of study."

You can't even get your semantics right, I am glad you aren't my Solicitor.

My experience of Solicitors in Family Law is that that stir the pot of acrimony for money. My ex and I are doing much better now Solicitors have been removed from the equation.

I don't suspect you have any experience of sourcing a Direct Access Barrister as a layperson as you will find this is the experience of lots in my position.

And to paint more of a picture 3 months a go our final contested hearing (1 day) didn't go ahead. Neither my own or my ex partners Barrister were available for either court date proposed.

The Direct Access Barristers that are popular amount fathers groups are always booked.

My own feelings on this are that families needs therapists, social workers and healing professionals rather than adversarial professionals like Solicitors. It would save an awful lot of problems for families and children if this happened.

I think you need to listen

You sound obstructive and you might lose her if you aren't careful.
The fact he has guns and what his job is, is irrelevant, he has a gun licence legitimately and you need to stop referring to this.

You need to get her to go to the contact centre. You need to be seen to be complying. Then she can tell him herself that she doesn't want to see him. Even then the case officer may encourage it, because they deem the contact centre to be safe. You can't argue against that.

"it is not 'very unusual' for some CAFCASS officers to overstep their boundaries and say that something is parental alienation when it isn't."

I agree with Lawyer2, it is not unusual for SS or Cafcas to be far from unbiased, and a case officer to overstep their boundaries. I had this. I worked to help 2 families who had this. My parents are retired senior social workers and it does happen, they complained.

But. The situation you are on, you need to work on, to get out of. FACT.

Just because they don’t share a surname doesn’t mean he’s not her father. He’s as entitled to her school reports/ parents nights/ to attend events as you are. You can’t complain about that.