Divorce - both want the house

[DinosaurDiana]

What happens if you’re getting divorced but you both want to keep the house ?

I'd think it'd depend on the circumstances tbh.

For example do you have children?

There are so many variables it is impossible to answer that question without many more details.

Can you both afford it?

If you have children, will one of you have the children for more of the time?

If you can't agree, I guess the answer is neither. Sell it and split the proceeds.

Surely the common sense answer is that if you can't agree to one person buying the other out then the house has to be sold and the money split 50/50.

If you/your ex is really that desperate to keep the house then maybe the only way to 'win' is to offer to pay over the 50% value to buy them out.

A friend of mine had to do this as they did not under any circumstances want to lose the house, they ended up paying their ex 75% of the value to keep the house.

Rewatch War of the Roses then decide if you really want the house

One child living at home but has just left school.
I could afford to run it and feed us but big repairs might be a problem. He earns 3x me so could afford it easily.
My only leverage is not touching his pension to keep the house, but them the house would be my pension as I do t have one. I had the kids while he worked and did small jobs to make extra money.

Gently OP, have you thought about why you want it so much? Are you sure it's not for sentimental reasons that you may regret in a few years? If your children have left home or soon will, do you need to live in a big family home that might cause you financial hardship rather than a new start in a smaller place?

Have you had proper legal and financial advice?

@30mph

Have you had proper legal and financial advice?

I had legal advice about 18 months ago but that’s when my DD was at school. At that point I was advised that I’d get more than 50% of the house because i was a SAHM for many years. I’m not sure that it still applies. I was told not to bother going for spousal maintenance. I assume I won’t get maintenance for my youngest now as she’s 16.

How old are the kids all now? Have you not been able to have any form of work pension, or full time job when they went to even secondary school?

@Clickbait

Gently OP, have you thought about why you want it so much? Are you sure it's not for sentimental reasons that you may regret in a few years? If your children have left home or soon will, do you need to live in a big family home that might cause you financial hardship rather than a new start in a smaller place?

It is for sentimental reasons. All my kids were brought up here. They crawled around y lounge, they climbed up the stairs, the bedrooms are theirs, they spent summers in the garden. I don’t want to let it go. I love this house and where I live. My other option is to stay with him, continue to clean up after his lazy arse `and watch his drinking escalate.

Has your 16 yo left school? What's she doing? If still in education child maintenance still should be paid I believe.

Is there a mortgage on the house?

I think it might be better to sell the house and split the proceeds. That's much more usual these days and gives you both a chance to start again.

@MichelleScarn

Has your 16 yo left school? What's she doing? If still in education child maintenance still should be paid I believe.

She will be going to college.

@knittingaddict

Is there a mortgage on the house?

I think it might be better to sell the house and split the proceeds. That's much more usual these days and gives you both a chance to start again.

No, no mortgage.

Watching with interest as similar here…

Time to get a grip on being sentimental.

Half the house, half the pension.

Buy a small, efficient home that will do you hopefully through old age. Cheaper bills, fresh start no reminders of him.

Honestly you take the amazing happy memories with you.

How wil you support yourself in old age if you give up enitlement to his pension in return for the house?

You can't afford to keep the house. Make him buy you out and make a fresh start for yourself.

@NotDavidTennant

How wil you support yourself in old age if you give up enitlement to his pension in return for the house?

When it’s just me I’ll move into a bungalow. I’m just not ready to lose my home yet.

You need to either offer him a buyout or you need to sell the house. You won't need a big family home especially when your last child leaves home. I'm currently rattling around a big 3 bed house and it's lonely when ds is not here. We are going to sell our house once we have finished some work which was in progress when we split up. Not the best timing but we both need a fresh start.

It’s very important you look at the whole picture. Half his pension going forward will keep you going in old age if you have no pension of your own. Get some proper advice.

Are you planning to work full time now?

A friend of mine was in this position. It led to a long drawn out, and highly contested divorce case. She finally ended up with the house, but with a mountain of debt, and has had to remortgage the house to the hilt to pay that. She was not a SAHM, but earns far less than her ex husband and she has had to take on extra work. Their DC are secondary school age. She relinquished her claim to half his pensions as a concession to him so he would agree to let her have the house. He still contested her claim to the house.
Consider if it will be worth it to you. Starting over might be scary, but it will be a chance to make new memories.