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Childs mother has refused contact due to covid-19 - help?

76 replies

JugglingaBoxofFrogs · 22/03/2020 18:55

My son has a four year old child and since he split with his ex over 2 years ago, they have had shared care (1 week on, 1 week off). This has worked well and has ensured stability and routine for the child.

Last year they had to go to mediation because she decided that she should have their child more often (read - when it suited her) because she "could not cope with not seeing her child". This resulted in a joint signed agreement at mediation that the 50/50 arrangement would stand and they were both happy with this.

My son has a very good bond with his child and, in fact, he is often told that when the child is with their mother, the child is constantly asking to see their father. I will say that when the child is with the father the child never asks to see their mother and often refuses to speak to her when she asks to facetime. My son always encourages his child to maintain this contact even when the child appears not to want it.

The mother is quite self centred and everything appears to revolve around what she wants, not necessarily what is best for the child. The opposite can be said for the Father - he is devoted and his week "on" revolves around what is best for the child.

That's a bit of background.

My son was expecting to collect his child tomorrow as usual, for the week. Yesterday the mother informed him that she doesn't want the child out of her sight because of the virus and because of this, contact has been denied. She has since decided that the child has been showing symptoms since thursday so she is self isolating for two weeks and will decide at the end of the two weeks what she wants to do. My son has spoken to his child this evening, at the childs request. The child said "I'm allowed to go out for a walk but I'm not allowed to be with people because it's too dangerous". This child is 4 years old and has been told by their mother that being around people is too dangerous. I am gobsmacked and, quite frankly, extremely concerned.

I have checked NHS guidelines and apparently if you are showing symptoms you should self isolate for 7 days (not two weeks). If you have been in contact with an affected person, it's two weeks.

I have also checked Cafcass guidelines for contact, and they clearly state that contact should be maintained as normal unless there is a very good reason to change it.

I don't believe for one moment that the child is ill. I believe it is a manipulation to prevent the child from leaving her care. My son is an extremely capable parent and he has always been more hands on than the mother.

My son feels that because he is only the father, there is nothing he can do, that the mother has all the rights, and he's scared that he will be prevented from seeing his child for months. I fully expect the mother to say in two weeks time that she was wrong and that the child is showing symptoms again - sorry if I'm not explaining this very well. Basically, we feel that this will be a permanent cycle until September when, hopefully, the schools will re-start.

Will they have to re-start mediation given that they've already been and have a signed agreement. Will the signed agreement hold any sway with a court? Can the mother basically withhold contact for months, using the coronavirus as an excuse?

Is there anything he can do to resolve this in a timely manner?

Thank you to anyone who can give good advice.

OP posts:
Hopeandhappiness10 · 28/03/2020 20:31

The mother is absolutely correct, doing what is absolutely right for the safety of her child. I am doing exactly the same with my child, we are staying home until otherwise advised by the government - zero risks being taken. If you cannot understand this, then I suspect you're not putting the best interests of the child first.

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