Best Friends rights or lack of.

[Fivetillmidnight]

NC for this as think relatives of BF may be on here.

Best friend moved in with partner. She bought in to her new partners property (lump sum) and and her partner took on a greater mortgage. She shared mortgage payments for a year before becoming pregnant and leaving work.

She then became a SAHM for 12 years. This caused a lot of rows with her partner , who said he was struggling with all bills and house costs as is self employed on lowing wage.

Bf felt that childcare and housework was more than enough 'share of the load' while baby was young . As the DD got older, BF was still resistant to working outside the home , as she felt that the years with DD at school were an opportunity to improve a 'craft' skill , with a view to doing this as a 'job' later on.
At some point the house was extended with BF contributing a further lump sum. The work was done by her partner. At this point a legal agreement was drawn up recognising her 30% share in the house. (Money has come from savings before partnership and an inheritance. )

The arguments about money continued. Her partner was very cross about her refusal to WOH or contribute financially towards bills/mortgage from savings.
Best friend did ALL the housework, shopping cooking and running their child around in work hours. (Partner did this after school/weekends)

They split.

Ex dp moved into rented. He seems a nice enough man but always at work so I don't know him very well. He seems quite placid though - and has child every weekend. They seem close.

Now the problem.
House has been on market for 2 years. EX partner pays the mortgage.
Child Maintenance
Phone/Broadband
Half Electricity
Water /Sewage
His own rent.

Best Friend pays Council Tax.

They have a buyer and solicitor has sent her the contract to sign. Best friend is distraught. Doesn't want to sign. Can't face losing her home and having to move. She has now taken on a small job for 16 hours a week so also gets tax credits. She feels that the best thing for the child is to remain in the family home. Partner refuses to continue to pay bills. Has told her if she signs he will increase the equity share to 50% . If she doesn't , he will withdraw the offer and go to court to get the court to allow the sale to proceed.
Can he do this ?
Best friend is a bit peculiar about money. Had a bad experience in the past that colours her attitude towards it and it now really worried she will lose her home especially as she has just admitted to me that as a family they claimed tax credits but none of that went in bills/house as she regarded this as her 'wage' for childcare and housework - and therefore put it in her own savings.

Her partners argument is that he has given her two years to find a full time job and now wants to move on and buy his own home with his share of the equity. He doesn't see why he should pay her bills - whilst she says he should support and house them both until the DD is 18 or 22 if she goes to Uni.

Can she be forced to sell. This behaviour from her ex is out of the ordinary as he is usually very much for an 'easy life' as BF gets very cross about money.

I can see both sides but can anyone tell me where she stands legally with regards being compelled to sell ?

Oof she's a cheeky cow isn't she.

So have tried to talk to her today and ended up asking her why she thinks it's ok for her ex to pay the mortgage and virtually all her bills, as well as maintenance.. as well as his own housing costs .

Her answer is that she 'sacrificed a lot' by having a child and he owes her. Yet it transpired that she did not pay a single penny of tax credit income towards mortgage and utilities .. after the first year together before the child . and considers it her payment for 'wife work'.
I am also incredulous at this as over the years I have heard through her, about the arguments about money. How ex lived in an overdraft , always late paying bills... and 'expected her to contribute'. .. she is adamant that she has made her contribution in Washington, cooking, cleaning and childcare . ..
After today's discussion it turns out she has over 70k stashed away !
I really lost it with her - as I knew i would, if ever the subject of money were to be mentioned.

Not good outcome. Accused of taking ex partners side. Not supporting her. Of not being a feminist because I've helped a man 'get everything' whilst she has 'given her life' to domestic drudgery ... I am fuming. Her partner is a bloody builders labourer. Works all hours. Butting out of this now. Especially when she added .. 'well if he wants to get nasty I can play that game' .. I won't let him see DD until he agrees to leave us be' 'I'll tell DD that her daddy is trying to make us homeless. '

Just so angry, it's so unreasonable as to have no foot in any logic. Time to step back . Not my circus.

Well, becoming a SAHM does make a big hole in your CV, workplace pension, but it sounds as if she was determined not to work, and living off his income (I.e benefitting to the tune of 50% of it, fair enough) and then keeping 100% of the Tax Credits is outrageous.

Such a shame. She could accept the 50% offer and be left with her stash, and an amicable separation.

Now a huge lot will be lost in legal costs, she will end up worse off and the child will really suffer.

She chose that 'sacrifice' and as they arent married he has bo obligation to redress that. Though he is by giving her more of the house.

I do wonder how she reconciles her perception that having and bringing up one child entitles her to be supported for life with the fact that other women do all that, often with more than one child, and contribute fully to family finances?

she has over 70k stashed away

And she’s a feminist.... ha! For stealing from her partner - which is what she’s done.

Well as she has so much cash she can fund her life. I’d tell the ex-partner to stop paying for anything, get taken off the mortgage and sue her

Her poor bloody ex and poor DD. You tried. Hopefully when she’s calmed down it’ll be good for thought.

Yes, the court can force the sale (SIL had to do it as her ex-H refused to work or move - she had stronger reasons as her child was much younger than your friend’s and she was married). It takes a while, is expensive and the one opposing (in this scenario, your friend) can end up incurring the other side’s costs. She could also end up paying the “unnecessary costs” she caused such as additional mortgage interest, utility bills, building insurance etc for the time between when it could have been resolved amicably and once the court deals with it - and remember after the court grants the sale, it could still take a while to sell and leave her with these costs.

If she was this much of a gold digger she should have done her research and insisted on getting married ....she’s a fool she will lose if this gets to court

With that revelation OP, I'd be tempted to suggest to the partner that he drops his offer to 45% next week, 40% the week after and then proceed to force the sale. Can't believe what an arse she's being.

How can she be claiming benefits when she has £70k in the bank? Isn't that fraudulent?

Well she was extremely lucky to have lasted this long without contributing financially now she needs to grow up and support herself and her child. 50 percent equity is a good deal. She sounds deluded and entitled. Her ex is well rid.

Before your update I was going to say your BF was delusional and cheeky. But wow your friend is quite an aresehat. I’m honestly not sure I could be friends with someone like that.
She needs to get her own independent legal advice (and she can use her 70k to pay for it - how is it even possible to have that much money secretly stashed away Despite not working?!).

She gives women a very bad name. She is setting a Terrible example to her DD. I feel sorry for the Ex!

Oh I just read your update. She gives women a bad name. What a disgraceful person and parent.

She sounds like a spoilt entitled brat. Thank God he finally decided to leave her and now that he's not under her spell any longer, realised he needed to act up.

Whichever, she'll have to face the reality soon that she isn't a princess and life for most is to be responsible for one self. She will be moved to UC and not entitled with the money she has unless she buys a property. Working 16h a week, she won't be able to get much of a mortgage, so will have to find something very cheap to buy with her money. She will be expected to look for ft work.

Then their child will turn 20 and she won't get any maintenance any longer. Unless she finds herself a well earning foolish man to take her on, her future doesn't look too good financially.

No not fraudulent HirplesWithHaggis She was claiming Tax Credits based on partners low wage . Capital isn't taken into account .
She now claims Tax Credits based on her 16 hours . So receives about £600 a month. £320 in CM, and £700 in wages (rough guesses as works 16 hrs at nmw - she certainly will never discuss exactly what she's got..

So roughly £1620 with the only bill being council tax, half electric and food for self and one child . She doesn't smoke or drink. Does drive but suspect ex pays insurance as well.

She saved some money from working prior to the relationship and baby , bumped up by an inheritance and occasional hand outs from Mum. (Never used for family/household as this she considers 'hers'. )

I can't explain how weird she is about money. I once asked her to split Petrol money for an event we were going to. Her reaction and refusal were bizarre, extreme and unnerving. The moment I gave in and told her not to worry , she immediately changed back into 'nice' friend whist I spent the day in shell shock - she literally carried on as though nothing had happened..

Having been on the end of a 'money' discussion once. I can understand why the ex has avoided this confrontation. Especially with a child in the mix.

bloodyperiod1 when I claimed tax credits and later UC, I had to declare that I did not have more than 16k in cash or assets. If the money is in the home you live in, that's exempt.

So yes, if she has 70k stashed away, saying she doesnt have anything and claiming is fraudulent.

You need to ask MN to change your username for your last post, OP.

The person she was when she wasn’t being ‘nice’ friend is who she really is. I’d back away from the friendship.

She can not afford to live in this house, is the bottom line- what exp is paying is well over and above any expectation. She needs to sign!

If the mortgage is in his name - is she named on the deeds or is it his mortgage with her just having a legal agreement to 30% of equity when it is sold?
In other words perhaps she cannot stop the sale if it's in his name only?

Any news OP?

The ex has applied to the court for a forced sale. Her stake in the property is registered with land registry. (As it should be).

She is being pretty shitty tbh . Waging a war of words via the child. She has now received notice of a child access hearing and he is asking for 50/50 when he has a suitable home. Weirdly her anger seems to be focussed on loss of CM rather than 50% loss of time with DD. Which I suppose shouldn't surprise me .