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Original poster

Best Friends rights or lack of.

83 replies

Fivetillmidnight · 01/01/2020 09:48

NC for this as think relatives of BF may be on here.

Best friend moved in with partner. She bought in to her new partners property (lump sum) and and her partner took on a greater mortgage. She shared mortgage payments for a year before becoming pregnant and leaving work.

She then became a SAHM for 12 years. This caused a lot of rows with her partner , who said he was struggling with all bills and house costs as is self employed on lowing wage.

Bf felt that childcare and housework was more than enough 'share of the load' while baby was young . As the DD got older, BF was still resistant to working outside the home , as she felt that the years with DD at school were an opportunity to improve a 'craft' skill , with a view to doing this as a 'job' later on.
At some point the house was extended with BF contributing a further lump sum. The work was done by her partner. At this point a legal agreement was drawn up recognising her 30% share in the house. (Money has come from savings before partnership and an inheritance. )

The arguments about money continued. Her partner was very cross about her refusal to WOH or contribute financially towards bills/mortgage from savings.
Best friend did ALL the housework, shopping cooking and running their child around in work hours. (Partner did this after school/weekends)

They split.

Ex dp moved into rented. He seems a nice enough man but always at work so I don't know him very well. He seems quite placid though - and has child every weekend. They seem close.

Now the problem.
House has been on market for 2 years. EX partner pays the mortgage.
Child Maintenance
Phone/Broadband
Half Electricity
Water /Sewage
His own rent.

Best Friend pays Council Tax.

They have a buyer and solicitor has sent her the contract to sign. Best friend is distraught. Doesn't want to sign. Can't face losing her home and having to move. She has now taken on a small job for 16 hours a week so also gets tax credits. She feels that the best thing for the child is to remain in the family home. Partner refuses to continue to pay bills. Has told her if she signs he will increase the equity share to 50% . If she doesn't , he will withdraw the offer and go to court to get the court to allow the sale to proceed.
Can he do this ?
Best friend is a bit peculiar about money. Had a bad experience in the past that colours her attitude towards it and it now really worried she will lose her home especially as she has just admitted to me that as a family they claimed tax credits but none of that went in bills/house as she regarded this as her 'wage' for childcare and housework - and therefore put it in her own savings.

Her partners argument is that he has given her two years to find a full time job and now wants to move on and buy his own home with his share of the equity. He doesn't see why he should pay her bills - whilst she says he should support and house them both until the DD is 18 or 22 if she goes to Uni.

Can she be forced to sell. This behaviour from her ex is out of the ordinary as he is usually very much for an 'easy life' as BF gets very cross about money.

I can see both sides but can anyone tell me where she stands legally with regards being compelled to sell ?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 01/01/2020 11:20

What a dreadful woman! How selfish.

scarecrowhead · 01/01/2020 11:21

She's a cf who needs to start paying her own way

Original poster
Fivetillmidnight · 01/01/2020 11:28

Many thanks to all.
I agree that she does seem to be very entitled but has very strong views that she has 'contributed' by cooking and cleaning and childcare for a decade .

My reason for posting in legal though, was to try and find out how the process of 'forcing a sale' happens.

Are there any lawyers out there or property conveyancers who can explain the procedure and how the courts determine if this 'forcing' a sale can be approved. ?

OP posts:
Scarsthelot · 01/01/2020 11:29

She is wrong. Even if you are married there is no right to remain in the family home, anymore. Its very much taken on case by case. But clean breaks are preffered

AND she isnt married. If she keeps fuckimf around, she could fine herself in financial trouble. Especially if he goes to court and asks for her to pay costs, since it's her fucking around.

Not sure how you can be friends with someone like this.

CodenameVillanelle · 01/01/2020 11:30

They have one child who is at school. There is no need to have a full time house keeper!
I manage to cook, clean and look after my child whilst also working. Single parents do it all the time.

recycledbottle · 01/01/2020 11:31

Your friend has no intention of signing and never did. Because the BF moved she has the house to herself and will drag it to the last. I dont see how you see both sides tbh but maybe you are coloured as it is your friend. The legals will make good money which benefits no one and I would think the sale will be forced but your friend probably knows that and wants to drag it out as with little employment she can't replicate her current lifestyle. She probably wants to find a replacement man to mooch off before she gives up on this one. If she has little employment she might get legal aid?

CodenameVillanelle · 01/01/2020 11:33

She can't get legal aid for this.

BumbleBeee69 · 01/01/2020 11:34

wow she's a piece of work OP.. good luck to the Ex DP.. Flowers

FagAsh · 01/01/2020 11:39

She’s such a cheeky fucker.

Alanna1 · 01/01/2020 11:40

She needs to see a solicitor!

yellowallpaper · 01/01/2020 11:47

Totally with the partner here. She was lazy and entitled. Housework with 1 child in school is a walk in the park. She should have got a job and been more of a support to her DP rather than leave him to shoulder all the financial burden. I had 8 years off as a SAHP with 2 children. Did all housework, cooking etc inc weekends as H worked long hours. It was easy , so your friend has no excuse. She needs to sign and get a proper job. It's a mess of her own making, and of course she will be forced to sign. She's behaving badly tbh

Original poster
Fivetillmidnight · 01/01/2020 11:49

No don't get me wrong. She is my oldest friend but I do not agree with her on this one.
When I say I see both sides, I mean I can see she is distressed at leaving her home but also don't see why she expects her ex to bankroll her when their child is in her teens.

I have always found her weird about money but as this aspect of her character rarely enters our relationship. her other lovely qualities sustain the friendship. (Admittedly because I go to some effort not to put myself in the position where her reluctance to spend would come to the fore and wind me up , i.e. Going out to eat/drink. )

I just think if I can explain the procedure , and the determinates that a court would use to say if a sale could be forced, then I might be able to persuade her to sign.

Especially if she sees there is a real possibility of being left to pay her own bills, both sets of legal fees and a loss of the 20% offered.

Partner asked for mediation when they split and again 2 months ago. BF has always refused on the grounds that there is 'nothing to discuss'.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 01/01/2020 11:56

She needs to stand on her own feet. She’s going to have a big awakening!

misspiggy19 · 01/01/2020 11:58

Vile woman. I hope her ex wakes up and sees he is being fleeced.

daydreambeleiver · 01/01/2020 11:59

The sale can be forced, 2 years is a long time

Jaxhog · 01/01/2020 12:02

Blimey, her ex had more patience than me! Your friend sounds absolutely awful OP, he has been more than generous and enough is enough!!

Wow, my thought too. She needs to get real and move on.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/01/2020 12:06

She should be aware that court costs could be awarded against her, which means they could come out of her share.
Legal costs escalate very quickly, could be in tens of thousands.
Sounds like her Ex has been more than reasonable, she should be biting off his hand to accept 50%. I
If the written agreement says 30% it will be very difficult for her to convince a judge that she should get more. She doesn't have the protection of marriage, and he has no obligation to support her.
Tell her to Google what she's entitled to under CSA rules. That's it, that all he has to pay.

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/01/2020 12:12

This article written by a solicitor gives a very good summary of what she entitled to - that is child maintenance as calculated by the CMS and her legally registered share of the house.

carly2803 · 01/01/2020 12:18

your friend is being very unreasonable. She needs to accept the 50% and move on

Embracelife · 01/01/2020 12:52

And who is going to house her when child leaves home ? How does she see it panning out?
Her ex owes her nothing other than the bit of equity in the house
She needs to start earning money fast and buy her own property or rent

Collaborate · 01/01/2020 13:40

The court could, under the Children Act, or the Trust is Land Act, delay the sale until the child finishes secondary education. Whether or not the court would do that is debatable.

She should take some legal advice.

Collaborate · 01/01/2020 13:40

*Trust of Land Act

squee123 · 01/01/2020 14:44

unfortunately I think a lot of the online articles will give her false hope. Yes the courts could delay the sale until the child is 18, but the property is mortgaged, she isn't paying it and he is getting into debt to try to pay it. That makes it much more likely the court will order the sale. Why should a relatively low earner be forced in to debt to support an ex he wasn't even married to because she can't be arsed to work?

squee123 · 01/01/2020 14:49

Also the danger of online articles, forums etc is that fhese situations are so highly fact specific that anything you do read is unreliable at best. Given the massive financial significance she really does need to pay for specialist advice from someone in possession of all the facts.