Best Friends rights or lack of.

[Fivetillmidnight]

NC for this as think relatives of BF may be on here.

Best friend moved in with partner. She bought in to her new partners property (lump sum) and and her partner took on a greater mortgage. She shared mortgage payments for a year before becoming pregnant and leaving work.

She then became a SAHM for 12 years. This caused a lot of rows with her partner , who said he was struggling with all bills and house costs as is self employed on lowing wage.

Bf felt that childcare and housework was more than enough 'share of the load' while baby was young . As the DD got older, BF was still resistant to working outside the home , as she felt that the years with DD at school were an opportunity to improve a 'craft' skill , with a view to doing this as a 'job' later on.
At some point the house was extended with BF contributing a further lump sum. The work was done by her partner. At this point a legal agreement was drawn up recognising her 30% share in the house. (Money has come from savings before partnership and an inheritance. )

The arguments about money continued. Her partner was very cross about her refusal to WOH or contribute financially towards bills/mortgage from savings.
Best friend did ALL the housework, shopping cooking and running their child around in work hours. (Partner did this after school/weekends)

They split.

Ex dp moved into rented. He seems a nice enough man but always at work so I don't know him very well. He seems quite placid though - and has child every weekend. They seem close.

Now the problem.
House has been on market for 2 years. EX partner pays the mortgage.
Child Maintenance
Phone/Broadband
Half Electricity
Water /Sewage
His own rent.

Best Friend pays Council Tax.

They have a buyer and solicitor has sent her the contract to sign. Best friend is distraught. Doesn't want to sign. Can't face losing her home and having to move. She has now taken on a small job for 16 hours a week so also gets tax credits. She feels that the best thing for the child is to remain in the family home. Partner refuses to continue to pay bills. Has told her if she signs he will increase the equity share to 50% . If she doesn't , he will withdraw the offer and go to court to get the court to allow the sale to proceed.
Can he do this ?
Best friend is a bit peculiar about money. Had a bad experience in the past that colours her attitude towards it and it now really worried she will lose her home especially as she has just admitted to me that as a family they claimed tax credits but none of that went in bills/house as she regarded this as her 'wage' for childcare and housework - and therefore put it in her own savings.

Her partners argument is that he has given her two years to find a full time job and now wants to move on and buy his own home with his share of the equity. He doesn't see why he should pay her bills - whilst she says he should support and house them both until the DD is 18 or 22 if she goes to Uni.

Can she be forced to sell. This behaviour from her ex is out of the ordinary as he is usually very much for an 'easy life' as BF gets very cross about money.

I can see both sides but can anyone tell me where she stands legally with regards being compelled to sell ?

I would say she needs to sign and move out . I would imagine a sale could and would be forced . To be honest she sounds awful.

She sounds completely in the wrong. She needs to sign and move.

Has she taken legal advice?

Thank you.
We have been friends since childhood, which colours my opinion but I can't help but feel the same.

She seems to have a bit of a 'money block'. We socialise at each other's houses so 'money' doesn't really enter in to our relationship. However on rare occasions that it does - there is a definite aversion to spending any thing if she can get others to pick up the tab.

I will be brave and try again to persuade her to accept she needs to stand on her own financial feet.

yes a sale can be forced via the courts

she should get legal advice, but as above in principle it is likely a sale can be forced

Thanks for the answer Squee123 . Can you tell me how this happens ?

I think she is hoping that by forcing the ex to court, will take so long that the prospective purchasers will walk away. Leaving her more time.

Is that a realistic line of thinking ?

No, no legal advice. Have suggested it but adamant she won't 'waste money' on it. Hence me asking here.

It's all a bit strange but away from money/finances , she is a lovely , kind reasonable person... but mention spending money and it's like a touch paper to a verbal mortar bomb ! ..

'I'll put my hard hat on and try again.

It may leave her more time, but he might also withdraw all the additional support he's paying to keep her in the house. Then she could be left without a buyer and no means of paying everything, or depleting her savings if she does have the means and hasn't been using them so far.

If she wants to stay in the house she has to find a means of paying for it. Given she hasn’t got the income to do so, she needs to accept she has to sell and find a new place

Keeping the tax credit money when her husband struggled to support the household is appalling.

Blimey, her ex had more patience than me! Your friend sounds absolutely awful OP, he has been more than generous and enough is enough!!

Yes court can force a sale.
Children move house all the time. There is no legal right to stay in childhood home just because.
They are not married so only obligation is to child.

Yes this is exactly what ex-partner has said will happen. He is willing to split 50/50 although her current legal right is for 30%. If she signs.
If she doesn't then he will withdraw this offer and stop all payments of household bills .
Leaving her to make up the difference in savings.

BF seems to think that being unmarried makes no difference and that there is some legal right for her to remain in the house to 'house the child'.
Ex partner says this is just not sustainable. He earns about £30k before tax and is going into debt to pay a mortgage, two sets of household costs and maintenance. He feels she should work full time and pay her own costs. Sell the house take her equity and either rent or buy her own home . Allowing him to do the same.

It doesn't really help your friend if one set of buyers walk away. Sooner or later there will be an order for the house to be sold and new buyers will be found. Even if she refuses to sign the papers, the court can do that for her. The extra costs incurred by having to go through the courts first will come off the sale proceeds, leaving your friend even worse off.

Ex partner is quite right. I hope he’s given her a deadline!

She needs to sell and move on.

But she doesn’t sound like a person who takes rational decisions.

Being a SAHM for 12 years without being married was foolish.

As it happens her ex is being very fair by offering 50% of the equity which is what she would have got had they married.

Her behaviour over the Tax Credits was terrible. Keeping the TC while refusing to work: financially abusive.

Spending her time on craft skills and still hasn’t made it pay?

Tell her her ex has been fair raising the share of the equity, that if it goes to court she will lose the case and lose her money in legal fees and will not only be out if her house but will have lost the money to buy a new one.

If she wants to stay she needs to buy him out and pay all the bills going forward so she needs to get a job.
If she doesn’t and he stops paying she will get into arrears with the mortgage and all the bills and she will lose the house anyway.

I think she should accept his offer if 50% before he changes his mind. Otherwise she will get a lot less as she has virtually no claim for any more.

If you feel comfortable, as a friend I would persuade her to see sense before she ends up with a position where she gets 30% minutes legal fees and her ex's legal fees as well.

He does sound to have been very reasonable about it and yes she appears to have a block

“BF seems to think that being unmarried makes no difference and that there is some legal right for her to remain in the house to 'house the child'. ”

She is wrong. Can you encourage her to see a solicitor and get advice on her position? Suggest she do that before refusing the 50% equity?

Her ex is entirely right, does she honestly think he should be paying for his own home and hers? Your friend sounds very entitled and selfish. The best thing for the child isn't for her dad to end up in tonnes of debt because mum didn't fancy moving or paying her own way.

He should move back in to save himself the cost of a second house. He shouldn't be getting in to debt because your friend is a work shy ostrich. She signs or buys him out.

If your friend won't see a solicitor, can you suggest she at least contacts one that offers an initial 30 minutes' free advice? It probably won't take long for them to tell her she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

If her ex gets legal advice they will tell him to stop paying the mortgage, she should be paying him rent as he owns the house too.

He's being very reasonable and she's being very selfish. How can she expect to live in a house she doesn't contribute to.

Also, if she's not contributed to the mortgage payments and this goes down the legal route, she could be worse off if ex decides to prove she's made no contribution.

She can be forced to sell, it may go to mediation first and if that doesn't work it'll go to court. The court costs could come out of her share, when they do sell, given she's the one contesting.

Your friend is awful! She kept the tax credits for herself and contributed nothing financially to the house? and expects him to pay to house her for another decade! Unreal. I hope he withdraws his offer & the courts forces the sale so she gets just her 30%. Poor child, I imagine DC is being raised hearing how Dad is unreasonable expecting DM to get a job and support herself.

I've been a sahm for many years (not any more) and I think she's having a laugh. More seriously I think the courts may take the view that the ex has been entirely reasonable and she could be considerably worse off if she pursues that route.

She sounds like a lazy entitled arse. Are you sure uppit want to be friends with someone whose morals are like this? She should grab the 50% and run, it's a blinking good deal!