Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.
Husband trying to buy me out...
BellaPuppy · 15/10/2019 20:34
Hi everyone, me and my husband of 1 year 2 months (been together for 6 years) are separating due to his lack of intimacy, affection and not able to communicate any more. I have two children who we have lived all together continuous in the Last 6 years via my rented houses. although biologically they are not his. They don’t have regular access to their real dad as he moved abroad many years ago. We live in a family home he bought that we chose together just months before marrying. He insisted he put the house in his name only as he was paying the mortgage as he is a high earner. He didn’t want me named on the bills either for same reason he said. I found all this very strange but went with it... so fast forward and he’s completely changed. He won’t talk and just shuts down when I try and discuss anything of any importance. He pretended to forget our first wedding anniversary - well he didn’t do anything or say happy anniversary. I was really upset by this inside but expected it somehow. So fast forward and I confronted him again this time saying we will have to split up if he can’t communicate with me and he just said split up then. One week later and he’s offered me £10K and all the furniture in the house apart from the main large tv and the newest sofa we have. He’s expecting me to move out and rent somewhere. I was shocked at being offered this. And offended. I’m supposed to rent a place with rents round here average if £750 for a small 2bed and I have two children 7&9 years old. I’ve got an appointment next week but he wants me to take the money friday. Can anyone offer any advice on this? Thank you 🙏🏻 im self employed and run a small business and just to add when we got the house I did all the renovating and decorating to it I spent months working on it... he has zero diy skills and the things I couldn't do I found tradesmen.
19lottie82 · 15/10/2019 20:57
Definitely get legal advice although I have a feeling if the house is in his name and you have only been married such a short time, you won’t automatically be entitled to anything.
Also if the house has only been owned for 18 months ish, will it have gone up in value much? 10k and the furniture might be a realistic offer.
I understand you are worried about providing for your children, but legally, they are not his responsibility. If you are on a low income then you will be entitled to tax credits and help with your rent. Could you look at full time work as your kids are in school, if this would bring in more than being self employed?
Lonecatwithkitten · 15/10/2019 22:35
Get legal advice it is not just the length of marriage, but the length of your relationship prior to marriage that counts.
redastherose · 15/10/2019 22:59
Don't accept his offer. If it wasn't for his benefit he wouldn't be trying to rush you! It is the length of your relationship not the length of marriage generally in these sort of circumstances. See a good solicitor who can give you proper advice in relation to your actual circumstances.
Collaborate · 15/10/2019 23:28
It’s misleading to say you won’t get anything. No one here knows all the facts. I had a case around 15 years ago where the wife got £100k after an unconsummated 8 week marriage. You have young children who are still children of the family and need housing.
Djimino · 16/10/2019 00:46
Definitely get legal advice.
Did you bring anything into the marriage? What about deposit for the house etc?
How did you afford to live before you met him?
Have you seen the mortgage details and house deeds. It might be worth checking what he is saying.
Have you got access to joint accounts?
How long have you been in the house?
Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
swingofthings · 16/10/2019 06:45
Get legal advice but I wouldn't get my hopes up and what he is offering might be as good as it gets. You were together for 6 years and that will be taken into account to an extend, but you have a short marriage, so that won't forcibly trigger the 50/50. Your children are not his, so he won't be expected to give you more to support them.
He only bought the house a little over a year ago, so the equity can't have gone much more up that £20K, so offering you £10k might be considered very reasonable.
If the children were his, you might have managed to get to stay in the house, paying the mortgage yourself until your children were older, but as they are not, it is quite unlikely but ultimately, seeking legal advice is the right thing to do, if only for peace of mind that if you do accept, it was the right thing to do.
Collaborate · 16/10/2019 07:53
@swingofthings Not family lawyer would give advice as definite as that without knowing all the facts. I suspect therefore you are taking a guess.
What is relevant is how much equity there is in the property, not how much it has gone up by.
You seem to ignore the ability of the court to order maintenance for step-children.
OP - you really need to ignore some of the "advice" you've been getting on here and get some advice from a qualified lawyer.
swingofthings · 16/10/2019 08:36
I didn't give any 'definite' advice. I gave advice based on experience of friends and family.
You seem to have bypassed my stating that the best thing to do was to seek legal advice. However, there is a tendency on MN to think that women get systematically want they want in divorced when my experience in real life is far from what happens.
Collaborate · 16/10/2019 09:18
If you really don't know what the law says, why did you post: If the children were his, you might have managed to get to stay in the house, paying the mortgage yourself until your children were older, but as they are not, it is quite unlikely.
Some people come on here and do not take independent legal advice because they simply cannot afford it. Some people may be put off taking legal advice they can ill afford because they receive ill-informed advice on here that makes them think they'd be paying good money only to be told they haven't a case.
mclover · 16/10/2019 09:40
Who paid for the rent in your rented accommodation? If you were paying rent and bills equally for the last 6 years for example that will work in your favour. Or if he has a high flying job and you've enabled his lifestyle, eg done all his cooking and cleaning and washing and ironing for the last 6 years, again that can count. You might not get 50/50, but if you might get 40/60 or 30/70 in your favour and that's got to be worth more than £10k?
prh47bridge · 16/10/2019 10:22
You might not get 50/50, but if you might get 40/60 or 30/70 in your favour and that's got to be worth more than £10k
Or she might get 60/40 or 70/30 in her favour, or even more. As one or two posters have said, if the OP has been cohabiting with her husband for 6 years, the courts are likely to treat it as a 6-year marriage, not a 14-month marriage, regardless of whether or not she has enabled his lifestyle. The OP needs to take proper legal advice.
Hesafriendfromwork · 16/10/2019 12:24
Surely they haven't been together 6 years and lived together 6 years?
BellaPuppy · 16/10/2019 19:09
We have co habited for 6 years in all my previous rental property's (3) - as soon as we met he didn't go back home (to his mums) where he was living when we met!
Drabarni · 16/10/2019 19:16
Get legal advice but it sounds like a good offer.
The fact you did the DIY doesn't really enter into the financial situation.
It's his house and he pays the mortgage, and they aren't his kids.
Get a copy of everything you have paid out for, share of bills etc, and as a pp suggested state if you have enabled him to further his career in some way.
Hesafriendfromwork · 16/10/2019 19:52
Gather proof that he actually lived with you for those years.
You furthering his career will be a bit of a dead end, if they arent his kids.
As pp said, get legal advice. It might be best in the long run to see this as a start to negotiating. Get your legal position and use it to push for more.
prh47bridge · 16/10/2019 22:37
It's his house and he pays the mortgage, and they aren't his kids
It is an asset of the marriage. It goes into the pot with all the other assets of the marriage to be split between them. The OP is entitled to a fair share of the assets. There isn't remotely enough information on this thread to determine whether or not the offer that has been made is fair.
BellaPuppy · 16/10/2019 23:18
Thank you everyone for responding, sometimes you just need advice of people and you have all been helpful 🙏🏻 I find everything underhand now like it's been planned this way... we have no financial link at all no joint accounts no nothing - the more I think back the more I see strange patterns in his behaviour!! His first house was this with me, I found it I chose it and renovated it. It's perfect. It's value has increased significantly in the 2 years we have had it as I did a lot of work to it! I may be being unfair by not wanting to just walk away with the 10k offer but something is telling me that I shouldn't take it and I should stay in the house until something is sorted for the divorce. I have an appointment next Tuesday at the solicitors but he's texting me constantly wanting to know what's happening! I said I'd rather talk face to face but he won't he can only deal in texts! We are in the same house! 🙈
19lottie82 · 17/10/2019 21:56
it is an asset of the marriage. It goes into the pot with all the other assets of the marriage to be split between them. The
OP is entitled to a fair share of the assets.
This doesn’t always apply to a “short* marriage, which is what this is.
prh47bridge · 17/10/2019 23:13
This doesn’t always apply to a “short" marriage, which is what this is
It applies to all marriages. A short marriage affects the split but it doesn't alter what goes into the pot, nor does it affect the fact that the courts will want a fair split of the assets. And, as the OP has lived with her husband for 6 years, the courts will treat this as a 6-year marriage.
Hesafriendfromwork · 18/10/2019 05:31
In a different thread OP said that he moved in the day they met, but it appeared she had no actual proof of that.
Not sure how she would go about proving it if he denies it.
swingofthings · 18/10/2019 07:59
We can indeed all stipulate and only do so. A friend of mine asked for divorce 18 months after getting married. They'd lived together for 4 years prior to it so a shorter time than OP but the division of assets was still based on their short marriage because they had no joint finances before and it was deemed they didn't live as husband and wife before on this basis.
She had moved into his house with her kids and was only entitled to a very small sum.
So yes, it does happen that a judgement doesn't always go in favour of the woman. She had a solicitor, no idea how good she was.
BellaPuppy · 22/10/2019 22:41
So I've seen the solicitor who assured me not to take the offer from him and to stay put and to get divorce proceedings underway this week. The costs are huge literally 1000 on account up front but I feel it's unavoidable as he can not communicate without anger... all his valuables are disappearing daily from the home by him, not me I must add! and I'm just hoping I can cope being in the same house when he gets the letter this week from my solicitor. I don't think he will ever see it's better to settle before going down this road.
MarieG10 · 23/10/2019 15:21
@BellaPuppy . You have done the right thing getting legal advice. Yours is a complex situation that may result in a small settlement or something much larger. No one knows except your solicitor.
Please make sure your solicitor is a family law practitioner and carefully look at each stage how much is is worth expending on their hourly rate. It is easy (and frequently right thing) to say get legal advice, but many people end up expending more than they would realistically receive over what is being offered. He is not responsible for your children so there is no legal obligation in that regard that would enable you to argue about your need to provide a home for them at his expense.
I have known friends with high earning husbands that have divorced. The game changer for them was all around arguing for providing for the children. Without that it is much more difficult
BellaPuppy · 23/10/2019 23:21
@MarieG10 Thankyou for your post :) I have felt sick all day and have now had the feeling I should just go... I dont know if it's the thought of it all being dragged through court or that he really gave me a fright when he started smashing things up and punching cupboard doors. I don't want to carry on living in the same house now, I think my sanity is worth more than money or the strain of it all... I'm not going to go ahead with the solicitor to get more money I just want a divorce and to start again x
MarieG10 · 24/10/2019 08:50
@BellaPuppy . I just said this as a word of caution as many on here take the line of "take him to the cleaners" which is not realistic. If there has been a large increase in value over two years then you will probably be entitled to a starting point of half the increase. It depends on what the increase has been? But as you have insinuated, your well-being is also worth a lot of money and being able to move on
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