Going abroad- absent father.

[Beccaishere]

Hi! Looking for some advice as panicking a bit! I am also going to book a solicitors just haven’t got the money at the moment.

My son is 9 and has not seen his father for just over 5 years. We split before my son was born, and up until he was 4 he had only seen him a handful of times. He use to make out to want to see him then disappear for months at a time etc then want to visit 6 months later. It was confusing for my son so I said he would need to put proper arrangements in place through a court as I wasn’t prepared to put up with him turning up and threatening me etc. After a lot of threats etc we now haven’t heard from him in just over 5 years and it’s been wonderful so peaceful my son is happier etc.
Sorry just wanted to give some background...anyway I want to take my son abroad to America next year for a big family birthday of a grandparent. The whole family is going for the trip. I am worried about being stopped at boarder control and not being able to go. It would be heartbreaking for my son.
We went to Paris last year and was stopped coming back but all they asked was who was travelling etc and looked at our passports for what seemed like a eternity.
I would like to get some kind of court order or something that says I have full custody of my son? Is this possible without getting his father involved? It would be like opening a can of worms for us all and his father would never agree to it anyway just to get back at me. I heard you can get a letter from the court for a holiday but what about other holidays? Would I need to apply every time I wanted to go abroad?
We were never married. His father is on his birth certificate but my son has my surname, so his father has parental responsibility.
Thank you for any help or advice anyone has.

I see your son's 9 years old.
This is how it goes for us.
Immigration will engage child in friendly chat as they go over passports etc. Then they ask.

Immigration to child:
"Who's this?"

Child:
"Mummy!!"

Immigration to me:
"Have a good trip".

When the kids are verbal, it's fine.

Im not really understanding to be honest. My kids fsther refused to be on birth cert so i just sign an affivitt to get their passports as sole guardian howver how would passport control know their father is not on their cert? In 11 years flying with them none of us has been stopped anywhere but if we were what would happen? All i carry is passports, no legal requirement to carry anything else as far as i have beeb made aware. Their dad wouldnt stop me taking them away anyway but how does immigration know any of that?

Proper respect to @prh47bridge for fighting the good fight and consistently returning to threads to restate the actual law, on Legal Matters of all places, in the face of those who know better 'cos they got away with it once.

@Collaborate I can’t see anyone disputing the advice of @prh47bridge I don’t have knowledge of family law to either confirm or challenge. The majority have provided their own experience. Having travelled more than once, I’ve lost count of the amount of travel we have undertaken I’ve only ever experienced the exact same scenario to the word as @PicsInRed in Florida.

We are sharing our experiences thereby allowing the OP to form her own opinion on risk. As a lone single parent every hour of every day she is the sole decision maker and more than capable of forming a balanced view. She will also be traveling with other family members.

With regard to the South Africa comment you have to have paperwork you can’t take the risk, it’s guaranteed you’ll be denied entry without the affidavit. The same with Canada therefore it’s not a risk it’s a given plus the potential legal implications @prh47bridge refers to.

@Collaborate your comment

“Not possible at all without getting the father involved. In the same way that the father cannot apply to court for orders over your son without getting you involved.

Would you have it any other way?”

Isn’t relevant in this scenario, your comments suggest both parents are equally raising the child/ren. In this case of course the view of both parents have to be considered and rightly so, unless there are of course other circumstances such as DV.

The Op’s Child father as many of the replies here are NOT involved for whatever reason and haven’t been for many years.

And of course @prh47bridge advice is very important when considering the risk.

I took my son abroad from the age of 1 -16 ( hes now 25 and so did my parents without me
I was never ever asked if I was allowed to take him by any anyone and I travelled to the USA South America Thailand India and most of Europe Maybe I was lucky
And my EX took me to court when my son was a baby to get PR although he is not on the BC
and my son has a double barrelled surname of his dads and mine
I’ve also taken my nieces abroad to the states several time last year being the most recent and she has a different surname to me and we had no problems

I am going through this at the moment. I have asked his permission, and he hasn't responded. Which of course he wouldn't. He hasn't contacted my son in 4 years now. He has only just turned 5.

We have travelled abroad 3 times and all but the last time have been questioned. Which I get, but I cant help but feel annoyed by it when his Dad made his choice to not have a relationship with his child, yet I am trying to give my DS a nice happy life, make memories etc.

Makes me laugh that a parent is considered to me committing a criminal offence taking their child on a holiday without the permission of a parent who has chosen to be absent from their child's lives. Surely that should be considered a criminal offence in itself - abandoning your child.

Personally I feel that after a certain amount of time has passed and absent parent should lose their PR. It makes no sense for them to keep it when they have made themselves a stranger to their child.