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Original poster

Going abroad- absent father.

58 replies

Beccaishere · 01/09/2019 09:58

Hi! Looking for some advice as panicking a bit! I am also going to book a solicitors just haven’t got the money at the moment.

My son is 9 and has not seen his father for just over 5 years. We split before my son was born, and up until he was 4 he had only seen him a handful of times. He use to make out to want to see him then disappear for months at a time etc then want to visit 6 months later. It was confusing for my son so I said he would need to put proper arrangements in place through a court as I wasn’t prepared to put up with him turning up and threatening me etc. After a lot of threats etc we now haven’t heard from him in just over 5 years and it’s been wonderful so peaceful my son is happier etc.
Sorry just wanted to give some background...anyway I want to take my son abroad to America next year for a big family birthday of a grandparent. The whole family is going for the trip. I am worried about being stopped at boarder control and not being able to go. It would be heartbreaking for my son.
We went to Paris last year and was stopped coming back but all they asked was who was travelling etc and looked at our passports for what seemed like a eternity.
I would like to get some kind of court order or something that says I have full custody of my son? Is this possible without getting his father involved? It would be like opening a can of worms for us all and his father would never agree to it anyway just to get back at me. I heard you can get a letter from the court for a holiday but what about other holidays? Would I need to apply every time I wanted to go abroad?
We were never married. His father is on his birth certificate but my son has my surname, so his father has parental responsibility.
Thank you for any help or advice anyone has.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 01/09/2019 11:02

Not possible at all without getting the father involved. In the same way that the father cannot apply to court for orders over your son without getting you involved.

Would you have it any other way?

megletthesecond · 01/09/2019 11:05

I've looked into this. I understand there is a legal process you can go through to take him abroad without finding the father. Or flaring up an absent one.

I asked on here years ago but can't find the thread. I'll have a rummage.

Original poster
Beccaishere · 01/09/2019 11:17

@Collaborate I do hope that there is another way that his father hasn’t got to be involved, as it’s very unfair that a child has got to be put through this or potentially miss out on a holiday with family and future potential holidays because of a father that has no interest in him and would do anything to make our lives as awkward as possible? If a father is absent and hasn’t gone to court to fight to see his child surely that shows he has no interest and there should be no need to contact him.

@megletthesecond thank you that would be great if you find it.

OP posts:
cgp123 · 01/09/2019 11:26

Hi @Beccaishere

Is your sons father named on his birth certificate? I'm trying to establish if he has legally obtained Parental Responsibility or not.

If he is not named on the birth certificate, it's unlikely that he does. However, if he is named then he does, and you would (legally) require his consent to take your son abroad.

However, it isn't a pre-requisite that you have his WRITTEN consent.

Most family law companies will offer a free 30 minute consultation and if you go prepared with a very short explanation of why you are there, these appointments can be very useful. For example "My sons father has PR (Parental Responsibility) as he is named on his birth certificate, however I'm unable to obtain his written consent to take him abroad. Where do I stand?"

You could also contact the US embassy and also the airline you're planning to fly with to establish whether or not you are likely to be asked for written consent.

I'm not a expert by any mean, but deal with this kind of thing very often in my job. I hope that's helpful! Smile

Original poster
Beccaishere · 01/09/2019 11:33

@cgp123 thank you so much for your reply. His father is on his birth certificate and has parental responsibility😩
I didn’t realise you could get 30 mins free consultation with some solicitors. I will look into that tomorrow. 😊

OP posts:
titchy · 01/09/2019 12:19

Well he won't miss out will he? Even if you involved his father? No judge is going to refuse permission for a family holiday.

Original poster
Beccaishere · 01/09/2019 12:53

@titchy if his father has to be involved then I will not pursue it as it will not be worth the aftermath which we will have for years
So my son will miss out.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 01/09/2019 13:20

I travelled many places abroad with my kids without father's approval. He doesn't have parental responsibility but I was never asked for anything except for one time when the youngest was just a baby.

Been to USA amongst other places and never been asked. That despite them having their dads surname.

prh47bridge · 01/09/2019 13:40

These threads regularly produce posts from people saying they haven't had any problems taking their child abroad without the father's consent. If the father doesn't have PR his consent is not needed. However, if he does have PR his consent is required. Taking the child out of the country without a consent or an appropriate court order is a criminal offence. You are unlikely to be prosecuted for a genuine holiday but, whilst lots of people break this law without problems, some people every year find themselves stopped at the border or refused entry at their destination.

I understand there is a legal process you can go through to take him abroad without finding the father. Or flaring up an absent one

No there isn't.

To take the child abroad without the father's consent requires either a Specific Issue Order covering the holiday or a Child Arrangements Order specifying that the child lives with you. To get either order you will have to show that you have served papers on your ex. The only exception is if you can show that you have made reasonable efforts to track him down and have been unable to do so.

Original poster
Beccaishere · 01/09/2019 18:24

Thanks for everyone’s advice. I will book a solicitor this week to find out where I stand. Fingers crossed there is a way round this for our next holiday and future holidays while my child is still a child. What ever happens I will not being involving his father in this as it’s not fair to my son if that means we don’t go then we don’t go.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 02/09/2019 23:45

I'll make it up to three experienced family lawyers telling you the only way is a court application which will have to be served on the dad. There isn't a sneaky trick way.

Collaborate, prh47 and I are all experienced family law practitioners.

DangerMouse17 · 02/09/2019 23:49

OP I am in same boat and have taken my son to the US many times. All you need to do is take the birth certificate as an extra, to prove you are the parent. That's all they asked me for and they were very pleased I came prepared.

DangerMouse17 · 02/09/2019 23:51

Plus son has dads name.....forgot to add.

prh47bridge · 03/09/2019 08:28

All you need to do is take the birth certificate as an extra, to prove you are the parent

If you do this, you are committing a criminal offence. And you really cannot assure the OP that this will work for her if she wants to go to the US. Regardless of how many times you have got away with it, some people are prevented from boarding in the UK or refused entry to the US every year because they don't have proof of consent or an appropriate court order.

Original poster
Beccaishere · 03/09/2019 14:51

@MrsBertBibby there is no need for the tone that your message comes across with thank you. I have NOT asked for a sneaky trick way have I? I have asked whether he has got to be made aware not for ways to be sneaky to get round this!
Also I am not physic when it comes to what people do for a living and didn’t know that people on here who have replied with good advice are family lawyers!

Thanks for everyone’s advice.

OP posts:
MissMalice · 03/09/2019 16:37

Of course he has to be made aware otherwise you could get parents just turning up to court saying “the other parent isn’t involved” and orders being made on false information.

What exactly do you imagine he will do if you apply? If he hasn’t been bothered up to now, why would that change?

Original poster
Beccaishere · 03/09/2019 18:42

@MissMalice every situation is different and of course some parents could make out that the other parent isn’t involved. But for genuine parents like myself where the other parent isn’t involved and has not visited his child in many years and hasn’t paid a penny for the child since birth then it’s not fair that the other parent has to go through situations like this.

As i said he would love this situation and if he was contacted he would use it to his advantage any way he could, I would not want to hurt my son by having this all brought up again as even though it’s been many years he still has horrible memories!

Oh well I shall see what happens 👍

OP posts:
Mudcakemaniac · 03/09/2019 18:50

I have never been stopped and my son has his dad's surname 🤔

Original poster
Beccaishere · 03/09/2019 18:52

@Mudcakemaniac you have been very lucky seems like they are coming down harder on the checks they do at checkouts. Xx

OP posts:
PinkCrayon · 03/09/2019 19:00

There really does need to be a law past to revoke parental responsibility off of fathers that dont have contact with their children.
Its bonkers to think I would have to ask my ex who hasnt had anything to do with my kids for nearly 10 years (most of their lives) permission to take my kids abroad. My daughter doesnt even remember him.
He is a stranger to them as they are to him.

Original poster
Beccaishere · 03/09/2019 19:13

@PinkCrayon I totally agree with your post (just too scared too say it on here 😉).
Mad to think that by putting your name on a baby’s birth certificate gives you so much rights even if you never do anything to provide for that baby as they grow. You should need to apply for PR after you have proven that you care for and meet all child’s needs.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 03/09/2019 20:49

You should need to apply for PR after you have proven that you care for and meet all child’s needs.

Just dads, or mums too?

Original poster
Beccaishere · 03/09/2019 20:52

@MrsBertBibby Both.

OP posts:
DragonMamma · 03/09/2019 20:58

What a bonkers idea - what happens to the newborns in the interim? Do they belong to social services?

What nonsense!

Anyway, you’ve had our answer - which was what I was coming on to say. I have been there and got questioned a couple of times (and my DD had my surname). My DH adopted her and I can now breeze through without fear thankfully but there genuinely isn’t a legal way around your problem unfortunately.

Original poster
Beccaishere · 03/09/2019 21:13

@DragonMamma every one is entitled to their opinion, I personally think it’s bonkers that someone can have their name put on a birth certificate then have nothing to do with their child but still have so many rights over that child.

OP posts:
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