Divorcing husband who is trying to cripple me financially... what are my rights?

[PistachioQueen]

m currently in the early stages of divorcing my husband who is self employed, making a very good wage but claims he’s earning £40k for tax avoidance purposes. He’s now doing everything he can to financially cripple me, including more than halving the allowance he gave me, refusing to pay our daughter’s private school fees, stopping helping me out with debts I incurred from living in housing association accommodation (while he lived a lavish lifestyle, but that’s another story) and now he’s threatening to take my car which he claims is leased, despite being 4 years old already when he bought it (it was a part exchange car from a dealer, again I don’t know how much of this is true). First he said he wouldn’t pay for the insurance, so I looked at getting this on my own but as the car’s in his name, it was going to be quite costly and I’ve never had a policy in my own name. Then he said he’d move the car into my name and pay the lease payments in cash to me, I don’t believe he would do this as he’s already messed me up on several other financial issues and left me with a pile of debts which I’m struggling to pay. He’s threatened that if I don’t do this, he will take the car back tomorrow when the insurance ends. What are my options? I don’t want to be forced into more debt but I can’t afford a car of my own either. I know people will say I should suck it up and take public transport but I just wanted to know, legally standing, is this my only option, to just return the car and go by bus until I’ve resolved my financial situation? My solicitor doesn’t help much other than telling me to go to mediation.

Sorry, littered with typos and poor grammar, but I think the meaning is clear.

@namechanger0987 I now have insurance paid for with help from my dad on a monthly basis so that’s one less thing to worry about for now. I’m not currently in receipt of any tax credit but am ferociously trying to pay everything off so that I can focus on getting us our own place as he’s made it clear he doesn’t plan on providing a home for us. The company that own the school have a zero tolerance attitude to non payment of fees and have regularly taken parents to court who’ve lost jobs etc so I think it’s more cost effective to just get this term’s fees out of the way before removing my daughter from the school. Even if I took her out now, I’d be obliged to pay for this term as per my contract. His name is also on the contract but direct debits come out of my account and I don’t want to get into hot water if it bounces.

He never showed much interest in her before but is suddenly demanding more time with her and overnight stays.

The more overnight stays he has, the less CM he needs to pay. Be wary. You need everything to be in your child’s best interests.

@larrygrylls Been married for 5 years, but only lived together for a few months into the marriage as I was already pregnant before the wedding and he completely switched on me a few months into the pregnancy. I hired my solicitor on a fixed fee basis back in March and we haven’t even sent the petition off to the courts yet! To try and keep things amicable we were going to go on two year’s separation as I knew he wouldn’t accept any blame. He constantly played games, waiting until the last minute to reply, then disputing absolutely everything! My solicitor seems to work part time and goes on holiday a lot so this has really dragged on! I will ask my solicitor the questions you’ve suggested, thanks. She initially told me that we could get a forensic accountant if he’s going to lie about his finances, now she’s changed her tune and says that it would be too expensive and probably not worth it but we could use the threat of one to scare him into being more honest about his income and assets. She keeps suggesting mediation when I tell her about the problems I’m experiencing but that’s the last thing I want to do right now! She did also say that if he claims to be on £40k we can request copies of the income generated from all his properties as even with debts/remortgaged properties, no one would believe that he has scores of properties and no income or profit on any of them!

@NoSquirrels This is precisely what I’m concerned about. He wants to go from showing no interest in his child (other than family events where he can show off he’s aired a child) to having her 4 nights a week! He keeps pressuring me for overnight stays but his brother did this to his ex where he took the child 4 nights a week (he was a teen so he bribed him with no curfews, xboxes and no rules!) and so didn’t have to pay the ex any maintenance. He eventually had the kid so much that SHE had to pay HIM maintenance! I know he’s trying to build up a picture of me not allowing him time as he reckons the courts now favour dads with custody arrangements, particularly if he can show that I’ve been difficult. All very stressful as he’s truly turning into the devil incarnate!

Get a new full time solicitor.
Ring round for quotes for a forensic account...it sounds like you need one!

Seriously you need to totally change the way you are going about this. It's not about managing the individual crises it about winning the war.

New solicitor now. Proper one who knows about abusive relationships. CAB or Women's aid or women's trust or rights of women would all be able to give you names.

Decide on a proper game plan and then go for it hell for leather.

@Wallywobbles Absolutely! Solicitor has done nothing but create more problems, allow him to drag this out and probably hide more assets in the meantime so I need to get rid!

Job no.1 is to find a local state school with places. If you have to pay thus term so be it, see if you can do so in instalments.

Realistically you will.get cm of approx15% of 40k. This plus your earnings is what you need to manage on. If you can run the car on that fine, if not then let it go.

As to assets on the divorce, you should be entitled to at least half of the marital home. What is that worth do you know? If its mortgages to the hilt no chance of it being sold right away but you should get half the proceeds further down the line.

@RedHelenB we didn’t actually have a marital home as such as we lived in his properties prior to marriage, then moved into a rented flat before it all went wrong and I ended up in council/housing association rooms until I recently moved back in with my parents (they didn’t have the spare room available prior to this). He has a ton of properties bought before the marriage and has recently purchased a £925,000 house close to my parents. He’s now asking for more time with our daughter and overnight stays and I don’t know what to do! I know it’s all geared towards paying me less as all these years he’s barely seen her for one afternoon each weekend and suddenly he’s after the award for father of the year! His money means more to him
than anything and he will protect it at all costs. He’s owned that house since November so I doubt there’s much equity in it and all my solicitor has said is “well you both need somewhere to live!” I have started looking for a new solicitor but with the bank holiday weekend, everyone seems to be away until Wednesday or Thursday, whereas I seriously need help ASAP!

I know this isn't what you want to hear but if he's that money orientated you wont get much out if him. A court may well order him to pay x amount but then he'll keep going back to court to vary it downwards

Stress to your solicitor that you want capital now and then at least financially you know where you are.

As to overnight stays you need to concentrate on your dds right to see her Dad no matter how much of a tosser he is regarding providing for her financially.

Ok so the latest is that we’ve prepared the petition for unreasonable behaviour and a draft has been sent to him. He wants to make a number of changes to this which I feel mitigate his role in the breakdown of our marriage, for example he’s insisting on changing the wording from describing how he walked out on me when I was 8 months pregnant and blocked me from
His phone (then did the same when daughter was a few days old) to stating that I blocked him from my phone for 24 hours on one occasion (not actually true) and that we had a number of arguments which led to the breakdown of our marriage. I’m not happy with this as he really did drag me to hell and back when pregnant and days after delivering our daughter (he was nice enough to ensure I allowed his presence at the birth, he cut the cord, took pics etc then went back to his psychotic ways) and now he wants to play down his role! My solicitor has said that I should just agree to the new version as we could still get the divorce through with it, but it just doesn’t sit right with me. I have a consultation with another, more expensive solicitor next week but could anyone advise in the meantime please?

It makes no difference to anything - the only people who see the statement are you, your ex, solicitors and the court and the 'blame' makes no difference to the outcome, legal or financial. Just get it done.

Sounds like your major fight will be over finances, so save your energy (and solicitors fees - back and forwarding will cost you money).

Thanks, I find it bizarre that he’s so adamant on changing things if that’s the case but then he has always been keen to protect his ego and his assets at any cost!

You're still with the same solicitor? Is that wise?

Yes, still with the same one although I have a consultation today with a potential new one... they’ve already quoted in the region of £20k but this is mine and my daughter’s future at stake here and the way current solicitor has let him call the shots, I wouldn’t be surprised if she allowed things to come to a close with me walking with nothing and him having full custody of our child!

Hi, please read this document regarding non earned income and child maintenance. Maybe it can be useful for you.

researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/CBP-7773/CBP-7773.pdf