Am I Ms Mrs or Miss?

[Mymadlife]

I didn't change my surname when I got married. My maiden surname is Kaye and my husband's is Sanders. I'm a teacher and I want to keep my name as Kaye.....so should I be known as Mrs Kaye or Miss Kaye. If I use Mrs the Kaye is not my married name and if I use Miss then it implies I'm not married.....anyone ? Please help? Ps Ms.... just sounds secretive lol

I genuinely think if you have an issue with calling your doctor “Dr” you have a massive chip on your shoulder about something. Imagine being bothered 😕

Personally I call my Dr “Dr X” - I don’t know them, they see hundreds of patients every week, I wouldn’t presume to call them Firstname.

I don’t mind if they call me “Cest”!

It should be Ms or Mr nothing to do with marriage. I’m a Dr so doesn’t apply to me.

Providing you address your patients as equals labrador no.

C'Est no, I see no reason at all why I should be deferential to teachers or drs. FIrstly I am equally qualified, secondly they provide services free only at the point of delivery. My lawyer, accountant do not assume to address me as though I am theor subordinate, because I pay them directly. In education and health we all shoukd be equal stakeholders.

I’ve never had a doctor address me as if I’m a subordinate. I’m not sure why they would.

It’s not having a chip on my shoulder; it’s just not being all weird and deferential. I can respect their professional expertise (that’s why I’m there after all) without acting like they’re superior beings. And I rarely need to address them anyway. (I also tell them that I’m happy to be Crustaceans not anything more formal).

In any case, I’m a (not medical) Dr too. I don’t expect my students to use my title. I do expect them to respect my knowledge and experience, just as I respect them as learners.

When I started high school the HT tried to get the parents to stand when he entered the room at an info evening. The vast majority of the parents refused. I remember my mum (a teacher) saying there was no way she was standing for a HT because she’s not a pupil.

I have had a dr, many times, introduce themselves thus: "hello OhThe, I am Mr MegaImportant" or "hello OhThe, I am Dr Superior". To which I think it is perfectly reasobable to respond "I am very pleased to meet you, I am Mrs Roses". I simply do not comprehend the pass ag subordination. They invariably then say blushing "oh, um, you can call me Paul ir Alison". Well it's a bit late then isn't it, they should have ibtroduced with their first names in the first place if they assumed they may use mine. And no, the damage is done so at that stage they may not. They aren't my chum and there's no need to be chummy. Esp after they have made it perfectly clear they think I'm their subordinate. >>doffs cap emoticon

Im a teacher. In my school all women are ms unless they specifically ask for mrs when they marry.

I didn't change my name on marriage. I use ms, mrs, miss or dr depending on the occasion! The title is not legally binding.

But I would expect to call people by Title Surname when I first meet them, not automatically Firstname. Particularly in a formal setting like a GPs surgery.
It’s just being polite it’s not me bring treated like a subordinate! You are assuming they are treating you like a subordinate. No, they are most likely just being a bit formal.

Absolutely cestceleste but it works both ways. If someone is being a bit formal then they use my title too. It's a question of equality which is the point of this thread. Increasingly women feel their marital status should not determine their title.

I am Mrs because I adopted it nearly three decades ago but of I were marrying now I would be Ms. Probably would still change my surname though but because dh's is a lovely name and my maiden name was awful.

I've been Ms. since I was 16, clearly I wasn't widowed then.

I would be choosing Ms on principle. Why do the pupils of female trachers get effectively told this very personal fact about you - whether or not you are married - in the very first breath of you being introduced? And reminded of it dozens of times every lesson? Whereas for a male teacher this is an incidental potential question the kids may happen to ask at some point, like finding out which team he supports or what his favourite colour is? Whilst obviously being married (or not) is nothing to be ashamed of, the cultural requirement for women to be categorised, every time they are referred to or named formally, as one or the other, is a kind of sexism.

For that reason - and that every resistance to that sexism is an important step towards a less sexist future, my advice is to swallow your doubts about Ms and embrace it. You'll get used to it quite quickly once you start using it.

Even if I changed to Ms, everyone would still see my wedding ring and know.

If you're working at the same school you were at before you got married I would just stick to Miss Kaye, that's what will happen anyway.

I kept my maiden name but at school am called Mrs maidenname

I thought Ms was for divorcees, miss for not married & mrs for married. However google says ms is used when you don't know the marital status of a woman.

I'm a Ms and only went to that after I got divorced because I thought that's what you were supposed to do.

I use Ms with my married name. I think Mrs and Miss should be banned

Sing it!!!

I don't understand why anyone over the age of 12 would use "Miss"

ms is used when you don't know the marital status of a woman

No, Ms is used by women who do not wish to be categorised by their marital status. If you know a woman is married, do not start using Mrs.

Ms is used by women who do not wish to be categorised by their marital status. If you know a woman is married, do not start using Mrs.

^^this.

The dominance by the patriarchy over people's sense of self is heartbreaking.

Why should Ms be used when you don't know the marital status of a grown woman?

Why can't it just be used because the marital status of a grown woman is. not. relevant. ?

I've been Ms Prettybird since I was 18 40 years later and I am still Ms Prettybird . I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary a couple of months ago - so I've used it as a single woman and as a married woman. I chose not to change my unusual name, nor did we choose to double-barrel our respective names (discussed it briefly but decided it would've sounded like a disease ), but if I had chosen to take dh's name (benefit would've been that I no longer needed to spell it every time ) I would've been Ms dh's name

But I actually prefer no title at all

Just prettybird, then.

I am Ms and my original surname. Didn't take my husband's name.

I answer to most things except Mrs dh's name

I'm 50 and I've used Ms all my life as an adult. DD is 19 and using Ms as well. I didnt change my surname, and I don't think DD will either. Neither of us see the point.

One thing that does piss me off is that on a driving licence my title is shown, but most of the licences I've seen for men have no title at all.

I agree with a PP, from people I’ve known, I’d assume a Ms was widowed or divorced