Advice exh & ds preschool issue

[Justme1981]

Hi copied from lone parents for traffic.
Keeping this vague as v outing,
I have ds 4/7 nights ex 3/7, its an agreement between us not formal. Ex was asked in school car park who he was when dropping ds off at preschool. (Preschool is attached to be not part of school) He has now made a formal complaint to school, is refusing to take ds to preschool, wants him to go to a different school, refuses to talk to me about it as too upset. I think they were following their safeguarding policy & he should not have been in the school car park. Does anyone know if there is anything i can do? It seems v unfair for ds who enjoys preschool.

He will do a counter claim for what? What could he possibly claim from you?
I’d email him saying your son attends a great nursery and is very happy there. You regret that he is not interested in what is best for your son as he is too offended at an outstanding offsted rated school applying proper safeguarding procedures. You understand he would like your child to attend a less good nursery and an unsafe school, but you are committed to your child’s welfare and will not be agreeing to this. If he can’t take your child to his nursery you will have to ask the courts to revisit the contact arrangement and maintenance.

I think you need some more support. Contact Women's Aid and ask about the freedom programme.
You mentioned concerns about safety at ex's home. If your child is under 5 you can still talk to your HV about this and it will be documented and flagged.
Any evidence you can build up is helpful.
You should also talk to the preschool and be honest with them about the whole situation. They are already aware that he is a total idiot. They are likely to be on your side if any concerns about safeguarding need to be raised.
He is a bully and is relying on you trying to cover up for him. Don't do it.

For anyone who missed the other thread, the ex wasn't challenged about safeguarding concerns regarding who he was in relation to the child, he was asked why he was using the staff-only car park, and we can assume he was a bit of a dick in his response. He then demanded an apology from the preschool and / or the attached school, and has been writing reviews online saying that they're being unfair to single dads.

I'd change your ds's preschool days to wed/thurs/fri when you can drop off and pick up.

Let your ex have him Mondays and Tuesdays.

My ds's nursery had a new staff member a couple of months ago.
When I came in with ds she asked who I was. I said mum. Then conversation moved on.

It's a non issue but your ex is blowing it out for proportion because the was 'corrected' as he see's it for his cf attitude.

If your son loves his preschool then stand firm and insist he continues there.
Sadly it may mean you need to do the extra drop offs until he gets over himself like you are doing.

I think you are just blinded by anything he says .

As you are rp he is not entitled to maintenance or child benefit.

Do remember as it is an informal agreement you don’t need to take him to court to change arrangements.

I agree with the pp talk to hv and women’s aid.

Can you move around pre school days? I would give him enough rope to hang himself tell him if he doesn’t want to take Ds which you believe to be in his best interests then Ds should stay with you the night.

You need to start building a pAper tail

Thank you everyone, I hadnt thought of speaking to the hv, it's a good suggestion. Re child benefit apparently he can make a counter claim which would then stop my child benefit. He feels that as he earns less he would win the claim & i would be left with out it.
He won't agree to a change in nights.
He does not agree that im rp.
I will speak to hv they may be able to offer some guidance too.

I don't think you have much choice but to get this formalised in court, you can self represent and there is lots of information out there.

If you have DS 4/7 then technically that makes you the RP already but a court order would document that.

As for maintenance..... Tell him to go do the online assessment, he will see that he owes you...... He sounds like a prat!!!

Re child benefit apparently he can make a counter claim which would then stop my child benefit. He feels that as he earns less he would win the claim & i would be left with out i

That's not how CB works at all

He's telling you a lot of rubbish. Check the rules online, or get advice from citizens advice, single parents' charities or the like. Don't believe his nonsense.

Please just change the days. he is bullying you and you're too scared of him to do anything about it - and that's harming your child. Channel your inner tiger mom!

Let him take you to court if he doesn't like it.

Just for the record I've been asked who I was when I got lost trying to find the family room for a parent course (I'm a woman). I was grateful to be escorted to the right place!

My dad has also been asked who he is when collecting.

Neither of us thought to be offended. It's just about ensuring children are safe.

Thanks everyone, i fear that court may be inevitible 😥 im hoping he calms down, i will call the hv tomorrow & see what advice they can give. Ive looked online re maintenance he would need to pay but the cost of fighting for it & the fact he has said he would want ds more if i make a claim really puts me off.

He’s just a bully. Say unless you facilitate ds going to his wonderful nursery he loves you haven’t a hope of getting more time if this goes to court as you very obviously are incapable of acting in his own best interest, so I may as well make a maintenance claim. If you don’t take him to nursery I’ll put it in with cms. I won’t cancel the request once put in so don’t think you can get out of it. Take him to a nursery. Be a good dad.

He's a bully and you're not ready to face him in court just yet. Talk to the preschool and see if you can change the days DS attends. Make Friday a full day, cancel Tuesday (if your ex needs a break from parenting he can organise and pay for childcare) and pick an afternoon or morning that suits. Disengage as much as possible.

Thank you, ive just called hv they advised to call cab. She will document the conversation so at least started a paper trail there. Its a vile situation to be in, preschool is full on a friday which is why he only goes in the afternoon we are on a waiting list. I cant facilitate another afternoon without further distruption to my work.