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Original poster

Advice exh & ds preschool issue

66 replies

Justme1981 · 02/05/2019 11:25

Hi copied from lone parents for traffic.
Keeping this vague as v outing,
I have ds 4/7 nights ex 3/7, its an agreement between us not formal. Ex was asked in school car park who he was when dropping ds off at preschool. (Preschool is attached to be not part of school) He has now made a formal complaint to school, is refusing to take ds to preschool, wants him to go to a different school, refuses to talk to me about it as too upset. I think they were following their safeguarding policy & he should not have been in the school car park. Does anyone know if there is anything i can do? It seems v unfair for ds who enjoys preschool.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme1981 · 02/05/2019 15:07

Bump

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 02/05/2019 15:10

Seems a blow.up over nothing...he was asked who he was.
He says "i am d's dad" as per the forms.you have
End of story

purpleboy · 02/05/2019 15:17

Why is he so upset about it?

BlingLoving · 02/05/2019 15:23

Assuming he was on the forms as parent and approved person, he's being a bit silly and should have just answered that he was DS' dad and was dropping him off. Did this happen shortly after DS started at the school or months later/after?

Having said that, it IS annoying when every man is automatically assumed to be a bad guy. Am looking forward to when DS' cousin goes to pick him up at school - multiple piercings, long hair, interesting clothes choices, tattoos, make up and is 21!! Grin

Original poster
Justme1981 · 02/05/2019 20:37

Thanks everyone, seen him tonight, remains angry, is convinced hes being discriminated against & demonised (his words). He wants to move ds preschool & school choices due to this, any advice? School is ofsted outstanding & has great reputation locally.

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AllTheFunAndGames · 02/05/2019 20:42

Don't move your DS. Perhaps you could go with your Ex and introduce him to staff and vice versa. Make the preschool aware of the arrangements; who will pick up on which days and say you will contact them if there is a change on the day.

spanieleyes · 02/05/2019 20:43

Is it the first time he has dropped DS off at preschool? If so, it's hardly surprising they queried who he was! If not, they might just not have recognised him. Surely they would have done the same male or female!
Anyway, choice of school should be a joint decision. If you can't agree, you need to apply to the courts and let a judge decide!

Original poster
Justme1981 · 02/05/2019 20:44

Thanks, i REALLY don't want to move ds, but im not convinced ex will take him. Ive offered to do what you have suggested, & to go speak to head with him, doesnt want that

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PerspicaciaTick · 02/05/2019 20:44

He is an arse. Using the staff car park and getting upset when asked (reasonably) who he is. I can see why he's an ex.

Starlight456 · 03/05/2019 07:07

Well if he shouldn’t of been in the car park that is the issue . I would refuse. Have you already applied for school?

MrsKrabbapple · 03/05/2019 07:25

What a twat. He’s really putting the needs of his child first there!

I agree that it’s because he was in the staff car park. I’m a supply teacher and I never park in the staff car park. Too political!

Schools are keen on safeguarding. Last night, my neighbour rang me from the car park of gymnastics where our 13 year olds were, and asked me to get her dd as her toddler had had a toilet training mishap and the gymnastics club wouldn’t let me despite us picking each other’s dc up/dropping them off numerous times and despite the mother actually being in the car park and the dc being 13.

MrsKrabbapple · 03/05/2019 07:26

I wouldn’t talk to him about it anymore. If he doesn’t take him then cross that bridge when you come to it.

stucknoue · 03/05/2019 07:42

If parents aren't allowed to use the car park then he's the one in the wrong. If they were questioning if he was allowed to drop his own child that's different, I think many dads would be put out by that

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 03/05/2019 08:04

Ask him if he’d rather DS was at a school where unknowns were welcome to walk round the grounds unchallenged.

Original poster
Justme1981 · 03/05/2019 11:08

Thanks everyone, im not going to raise it for a few days & see what happens, i suspect hes going to pull ds from the preschool which im not happy about. He was asked what he was doing in the carpark not with ds if that makes sense?

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cestlavielife · 03/05/2019 15:05

If he doesn t take him to preschool where will d's go on his days ?
Is he going to arrange alternative child care or school?

Starlight456 · 03/05/2019 21:13

He doesn’t get to decide . He doesn’t get to decide . I suggest you might need to approach the pre school . I am assuming you have already signed for Easter funding

Original poster
Justme1981 · 03/05/2019 21:35

Hi
I think he will just keep him at home, i pay for childcare so it doesnt really bother him

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Original poster
Justme1981 · 07/05/2019 14:19

Hi all
Further update a week on he is still very angry, we ended up agreeing that i will meet him in the same area as school & i will take ds into the preschool. He is currently refusing to take ds in as he feels demonised & that people think hes a peadophile. I dont know what to do for the best. All advice appreciated.

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cestlavielife · 07/05/2019 16:12

Tell.him to go see a therapist.
He is clearly paranoid

PerspicaciaTick · 07/05/2019 16:21

It is not normal to be angry a week after being asked why you are on private premises. It isn't as though he was frogmarched off site. Does his employernot have security policies which include all members of staff being expected to challenge strangers in the building? Why would a school be less secure?
My private opinion is that he is prize knobber and you shouldn't pander to his tantrum, but you obviously need a functioning parenting relationship with him, so I'd persist with trying to educate him and encourage him to meet with the nursery manager.

BeautifulMaudOHara · 07/05/2019 16:22

FGS he's making a huge baby fuss about nothing, he needs to get a grip!

Starlight456 · 07/05/2019 17:20

In the nicest possible way . He needs to grow the fuck up and start putting his son first . Ask him how feel if somebody unknown to the school parked improperly wasn’t challenged and actually posed a risk to his Ds.

Does he actually need the child care ? I wonder if he is left with Ds he would grow up and take his dc in?

Original poster
Justme1981 · 07/05/2019 17:51

Hi all
Thanks for the responses, yes he is over reacting, but cant see that. He wont go near the school. I really don't know what to do.
Reason ds is at preschool on that day is im at work & ex needs a break. In all the ranting messages/ discussions ive had with him about this he hasnt once said he wants more time with ds. I have other concerns e.g. pond in his garden which he refuses to cover/fence off & fills me with fear. Id be reluctant to stop preschool & don't think thats in ds best interests. Does anyone have any practical advice on what i can do?

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PerspicaciaTick · 07/05/2019 18:19

Are the pre-school aware of the problem. Would they be able to send him an explanation of their policy, apologise for unintentionally upsetting him but reminding him that it is their duty to protect all the children?
Or meet with him?
Alternatively, is there a parent you know who might be able to do the pick up for you?
TBH he is starting to sound controlling and abusive, forcing you say "how high" when he says "jump".