Please help

[myexisanasshole]

My ex husband has managed to get a court order and c100 and removed my children from my care yesterday. I am utterly distraught, I don't know how he has done it. I have seen the court document and it is full of lies, how can a judge grant it without any proof and just on his say so. He has said I'm a danger to the children, I assaulted my mum, I am suicidal, that we split up because I had a drug problem (we split because he assaulted me in front of our kids and was arrested), he has completely fabricated conversations with my parents, said he only gave them back as I was supervised! NONE of this is true. It is true I had a breakdown and some alcohol issues (that I am addressing) but I was really unwell. I have never been a risk to my children. Social services have said no risk, Drs/psychiatrist/nurse all day no risk. How can he do this? I am seeing my solicitor Monday but I don't see how I can change this with my mental health problems. I love my kids, I'm a good mum, they are loved, fed, clothed, never miss school/childminders, I play with them I cuddle them and I have bought them up alone since they were babies. He hasn't cared until now and yet again he is trying to remove what I love most. I don't know what to do.

Is your bipolar medicated?

When was it diagnosed?

Have you properly engaged with your mental health team?

When was the last time you drank alcohol or took drugs?

Those are going to be the pertinent questions if this is on the basis of your bipolar and breakdown. Sadly my sister went through this for a very similar reason.

Yes I'm medicated, finally on the correct stuff- Lithium. Was only diagnosed just over a year ago but have coped alone for 3 years since he left. No drugs for over a month, have had a few drinks this week. Am engaging with my mental health nurse, GP, psychiatrist, alcohol support group and counselling. Am suffering from anxiety disorder due to his abuse and this has been confirmed by my doctor. I have proof everything he put in the court order is lies, I just hope that's enough x

Will they drug test me on the day or will it be ordered and I'll have to go somewhere for it?

So, I basically have to agree to what he wants or be dragged through court. If this happens the children may even be taken into care as he abused me and o have fragile MH. It's so unfair that he gets to lie, he got away with abusing me, he has t been a dad to my babies for 3 years and now they are older and easier and he has a new gf he suddenly wants them. My solicitor did say the judge will want an explanation for his application for an emergency order as we have provided proof it is all lies and if he agrees to 50/50 his concerns can't be that great?! But yet again he won't be punished, he's got his way, and my poor children will have to live half the year in a shit tip of a house, spend all day in childcare, being ignored and given no love. Broken isn't the word 😔

One step at a time. Listen to what your solicitor is saying and focus on the court hearing. Once these allegations have been disproved and you have your children back, then you can look at the future. Your eldest child is already saying she doesn't want to go, pretty soon that will be taken into account.

Deep breaths, don't give up. Your children belong back with you.
Good luck

Kids have gone to him, I'm only allowed supervised contact 2 evenings a week an a Saturday 😢 got to go back in 5 weeks for another hearing. My solicitor was shit so getting a new one. I don't understand how this has happened when I had evidence of his lies. Apparently the judge had to air on the side of caution because of my overdose (even tho I had evidence that says I wasn't trying to kill myself). He keeps getting away with everything and I'm left in bits while my poor babies don't understand what's going on. How do I explain it to them tomorrow?

I’m so sorry to hear this.

For the kids please try to be positive. Just tell them you and their dad love them very much and are just in the process of working to find what is best for them. It’s so tough but the last thing they need with this upheaval is you upset as well. Make sure you tell them you love them and it will all be sorted out soon.

Thing is I can't, I almost want to cancel because I'm a mess. I've had no sleep, I can't eat, I can't stop crying, my mum keeps shouting at me. I'm in a fragile state and everyone telling me to be strong just pisses me off. If I was strong I wouldn't be in this mess. He gets away with everything and while I've not been perfect, I was ill, I've cared for my children for years without his help and now he's ripped them away from me. I actually just feel like ending my life right now, I'm in so much pain and I know the stress of this will probably cause a manic episode and destabilise me, giving him all the ammo he needs to take them for good.

You must realise that the court is there to protect the children. Whilst there are any unanswered or uninvestigated genuine concerns about your ability to care for the children given your mental health and fragile emotional state the court must put safety considerations first and foremost. Concentrate on getting better.

Of course I realise that but my exh has lied about the facts. Social services had no concerns, I have never harmed the children and he did nothing until I refused to Agree to his terms! I admit my breakdown in front of the children was upsetting for them but it was a one time thing due to a mess up with my meds. I am now fine and stable and perfectly capable of looking after them- I did so for the last 3 weeks, nothing happened, I said no and he got an emergency order saying I'd harm myself or the children if I knew! X

The mental health charity MIND have a legal helpline, if the custody issues relate to claims about your mental health they may be able to advise, as it sounds as if there may be discrimination issues relating to your bipolar condition:

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

Thankyou. I am in bits today. Had them yesterday from 9-6 and it was just awful. My daughter was upset, she didn't want to go back, kept asking why and crying. I cried, had a panic attack then my little boy started saying no daddy no daddy and my mum had to peel him if me kicking and screaming to go home. My poor babies, just because I have bipolar doesn't mean I can't be a mum. I have managed fine for 3 years then he has then for 6 weeks and I get them ripped away. I am not going to cope with this, i am going up to hospital now for something to calm me down and help me sleep because I can feel an episode coming. I have never felt so ill in my life. It's like they have died and I don't know if seeing them and having to take them back is good for either of us 😢

It sounds awful and please ask for help.

I can’t imagine what you are going through but you are stronger than you think.

Your children love you and need you to be strong and fight for them.

You can let everything out here and if you feel overwhelmed please speak to a mental health professional.

You can do this OP and I’m sure your children know you are a great mum x

It's almost like they have died. I can't deny I took too many pills in December but I wasn't attempting suicide, I even looked up how many I could take and took half of that so technically it wasn't even an overdose. I also can't deny the breakdown I had where I had been drinking with the kids but I did not attack my mum or end up in hospital like he says. It was also due to coming off quetiepine fat too quickly that made my symptoms return. I am now stable and have been for weeks, I quit drinking (well had a few this week), I go to groups, I never miss appointments. They knew all this and still took them. I understand the judge had to be cautious but I feel he has won. If the order was given in the first place and am interim order made by the same judge what chance do I have in 5 weeks. I have found a new (apparently kick ass) solicitor who I will call tomorrow and mind and SPLITZ (again) so I have a s much support as possible. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong and fight but I'm not that person, I hate confrontation, I crumble under stress, I lock myself away from trouble and I do t know how to be a hard ass! If I did I wouldn't be in this mess x

I'm really missing my children today. I have spoken to my solicitor and this whole thing is likely to take months. After that is it likely that they will say the children are settled with him and not let me have them more often? This whole system seems so unfair. I have been reading through what he has put on the forms and it's just one lie after another. He said my mum ended up in hospital because I attacked her, that I was on cocaine when I had a breakdown, that my childminder bad concerns?! It's just not true and I have to sit and wait it out, it's breaking my heart that this abusive man gets to have my children. On ten plus side my childminder told him off today for what he's done and said if she sees anymore injuries that are unexplained or anything untoward she will follow procedures and report him so that's good. I'm also still off alcohol and have started running again. I don't want him to break me, in need to be strong, I just don't know how to find the strength.

What did the childminder see?

Nothing, she never said anything. It's just more of his lies, she is going to write me a letter saying this and that I'm a good mum etc. I'm so frustrated that I just have to sit tight and wait for weeks, probably months before I get proper access to my own children. If social services were involved or I had had multiple breakdowns/manic episodes and drank daily or hit my kids I'd understand. He basically done this because I said no to him, nobody says no to him. He even said in an email if I do t agree to his terms he will take drastic action and that's what he's done. I have the judge evidence he lied and that I was stable yet he still only have me supervised access! I've got a bloody DBS check and advanced safeguarding training, it's a joke!

Sorry for the typos have should be gave

You said the child minder threatened to report him if she sees any more injuries. Presumably that means she has seen them in the past?

Oh did you mean to him? She said it was a shocking situation that he shouldn't have put the children in and that's she is having my son extra for him not my exh. She also told him is she sees anything untoward she will report him (he had an unexplained black eye a few weeks ago). She has know me for years and has seen the abuse and what an uncaring father he is. She is not his biggest fan and is sure it's his new gf doing this to try and push me over the edge!

She also said he is very unhappy, cries for me all the time and has started wetting himself again. It's all emotional abuse in my eyes, he ripped them away from me and I've been their main Carer for 3 years!

I may of missed it if you said it op but did you post a while back about your childminder being your friend and the dads gf removing your sons comfort blanket and trying to potty train him or something along those lines? If that was you I remember how upset you were at the time for not having them but by doing best by them at the time

Was there a safeguarding letter from Cafcass used during the hearing you attended?

If not then the adjournment will be so that Cafcass can carry out some basic police and social services checks. They will also speak to you as part of a pre-arranged telephone appointment which will be your chance to tell them about his abusive behaviour towards you, and to give them context around your health and what you’re doing to stay well. Be clear that you have always been their primary carer and that this new arrangement upends the status quo.

he had an unexplained black eye a few weeks ago

Was that while they were with you or him?

Not drinking is a really good step, as is running. Keep taking your meds. You are already sounding much stronger and the more stable you are, the better this will go. you're doing a really great job.