Please help

[myexisanasshole]

My ex husband has managed to get a court order and c100 and removed my children from my care yesterday. I am utterly distraught, I don't know how he has done it. I have seen the court document and it is full of lies, how can a judge grant it without any proof and just on his say so. He has said I'm a danger to the children, I assaulted my mum, I am suicidal, that we split up because I had a drug problem (we split because he assaulted me in front of our kids and was arrested), he has completely fabricated conversations with my parents, said he only gave them back as I was supervised! NONE of this is true. It is true I had a breakdown and some alcohol issues (that I am addressing) but I was really unwell. I have never been a risk to my children. Social services have said no risk, Drs/psychiatrist/nurse all day no risk. How can he do this? I am seeing my solicitor Monday but I don't see how I can change this with my mental health problems. I love my kids, I'm a good mum, they are loved, fed, clothed, never miss school/childminders, I play with them I cuddle them and I have bought them up alone since they were babies. He hasn't cared until now and yet again he is trying to remove what I love most. I don't know what to do.

Op, that doesn't make sense, the order will tell you what's being prohibited, normally it's things like preventing medical care, relocating a child, taking a child out of the country, it is to prohibit you doing something, or it's to maintain the status quo if the court deems a true emergancy is in place and the child at significant risk.

It says he has got an urgent interim order because I failed to return the children to him on the 4th March despite assurances this would happen. This is lies again, there was no such arrangement, not in any form and nothing legal! I just don't understand.

I'm struggling too op.

Who is the residential parent? Is it him? You say "return the children to him" which would indicate he has residency?

Take the order and see your solicitor on Monday. There will be a hearing, probably early next week. As I say, if you can show that he has fabricated evidence to get this order the court will not be happy with him.

All the evidence will be contained in the statement, and you will have received a copy of that. Nothing further will have been presented to the judge as evidence, because if it had, you should have been served with a note taken by his lawyer of what that evidence was, or more likely the order will have referred to the evidence.

It is what is in the statement that you need to try and challenge. No pint trying to look for anything else. The judge must have thought the evidence in the statement was serious enough.

Presumably also the children were with their father at the time of the application and the order merely enabled him to retain them until the court assesses in an on notice hearing whether it is safe for them to be returned to your care.

No I am resident parent, there is no order between us, he had them EOW for 3 years then I had a breakdown and he had them for 6 weeks until I was better. I have just received the court papers. Every single thing in there is a lie. And no they were living with me at the time, he returned them to me 3 weeks ago. This is what I don't understand, if he was that worried why return them? And then wait 3 weeks to do this? But then propose 50/50 custody? He's barking, I can proved everything he has put is a lie and he abused me for years which includes 2 arrests for assaulting me!

I'm very confused. If he's been arrested twice for assaulting you, surely he wouldn't have been granted residency just like that? Again, not a solicitor so can only go off my own experiences...

What proof does he purport to have?

Well he obviously hasn't told them about his arrests, he doesn't need evidence yet, that's for the hearing and I am going to rip it apart because every statement on the court order is a lie and I can prove it! I'm sick of him manipulating me and bullying me to get what he wants, if it doesn't stop now he'll do it forever. Half the reason I have mental health issues is because of the abuse I suffered from him.

If I can prove it's lies can I get my own order to have them returned?

If it's a lie then I assume it will be revoked. Have the kids been taken?

But again, I come back to the court doesn't grant this I don't think without evidence, so something is amiss,

Yes he took them yesterday, I just can't understand any of it, if what he's saying is really how he feels then why return them at all? I really hope they revoke it and they can come home. I think there is a meeting next week or at least that's why my exh said but I'm not sure if he means a court date or a meeting with him and CAFCASS to come to an agreement? It's all so confusing. I don't want to face him, he scares me and he's just a bully.

I'm not a family lawyer but my advice to prepare for whatever hearing or meeting is to take place next week is to do the following.

Draw up a table with three columns. In the left hand column write down each of his allegations. In the middle column write your response. In the last column mention any evidence you have to support your position. This should help keep things clear for you. Good luck.

That's good advice thank you. I keep going between sobbing mess to angry mum! I can't get my head around the fact he can say all these lies with no proof and they grant the order like that. My daughter is already anxious and was very distressed at the suggestion of going back to him, she even said it at school. I feel like I've let her down as I promised her she wouldn't have to go back there 😢

The evidence is what he has said in his statement apparently which is ridiculous because it's just his word?! Now it's left for me to disprove. If he had evidence I would have been notified.

Now his mum has just phone to check on me. She apparently has seen nothing and exh has told her he doesn't want to keep them so I'm even more 🙄 she spoke to my mum not me and my mum told her we can prove it's all lies, not sure she should of said that but she was so angry! I can't believe I'm in this position, it doesn't feel real.

In a right state this morning, as is my mum. We cant stop crying. He has taken my beautiful babies and I do t know if I can face him. I've been researching and my mental health plus past drug/alcohol use when I had a breakdown could mean supervised contact. My children have always been safe and cared for , no one has ever been concerned. I don't want to put my children through this, I love them too much. I'm very close to just walking away and leaving them with him because I'm going to be painted as a unstable, druggie, alcoholic who has put her children through emotional turmoil. It won't matter that he abused me, he will say it was my fault and that he's changed. It all feels so bleak, I can't help I have bipolar, I'm trying to change but it all feels pointless as it's still early days and they'll say I could relapse at any time. I'm not emotionally stable enough to deal with this stress. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm I physical pain because I miss them so much 😢

P!ease just sit down and breathe, you sound like a great mum who has her children's best interests at heart. Remember he is just doing this to hurt you. I'm sure you will get them back when the court hears he has lied about everything. You have the upper hand here.

I cant even imagine how awful this is, but please try to calm down. You need to be on your game from now on, rational, sensible etc.

As I said up thread, my ex tried something similar, and had everyone believing the absolute web of lies he spun. Sadly for him (!), he just couldn't maintain the level of deceit and manipulation and it all came crashing down, and it was revealed that HE was the one who was a risk to the dc, not him, he is now not allowed unsupervised contact and seems to have given up and left the country. Cafcass saw straight through him and said they have seen enough of these cases to know when someone is a liar, through and through.

You need to do the table that a pp suggested, with the columns for his allegations, your response and an action plan for each of need be, so you are prepared and organised for whatever this week brings.

Did he get in trouble for lying? It could be weeks before we get to court. I dont know how it works, can I get an emergency hearing die to his lies. All I can think is how badly he's made me look. I have had issues I know but he's never bothered before. I am convinced his gf is behind this. She has no kids if her own and my ex had a vasectomy so can't have more. Her Facebook is covered with pjs if my kids, she goes and talks to school, she disciplines my kids, does a lot of the childcare etc he is so manipulative and cunning and very clever and has a way of twisting everything. I am still scared of him and dont know how on Earth I can face him in any meeting or hearing. Just seeing him makes me feel intimidated and sick. I have started the table and will carry on today. I just know if I am hair tested alcohol and drugs will show from when I was ill and the kids were with him. It's all such a mess and I think it's the shock of it all that's got me in such a state. I miss the noise and chaos of them being here.

Covered with pictures of my kids

If you know that something will show up if you are required to take a hair strand test, you need to be proactive now, if you aren't already involved with agencies that can help, you need to make enquiries tomorrow. You will need to show that you are addressing any issues and are willingly working with the agencies.

No, he didn't get into to trouble for lying, he simply realised he had been exposed and disappeared, refused to engage with anyone or anything. However, his web of lies had collapsed at this point, my hair strand test proved I was neither an alcoholic nor a drug addict, his dodgy lifestyle was exposed, he failed a drugs test and subsequently got himself arrested for quite serious crimes, various references from my gp, my employer etc all proved my good character, and so therefore he was in no position to fight for anything.

It's horrible, but as I said, you need to try and stay calm and take things step by step. Gather your evidence together and get that table done today.

We have a directional hearing on Friday. I am working with turning point and attending courses for my problems. I am so frightened, he is bullying me into a corner and I'm going to have to accept what he wants. I wish I'd just agreed to his demands in the first place.

Had a meeting with solicitor today. She's not happy. Firstly I haven't been served the correct papers to prepare for Friday. She saw my evidence and e need to prepare my own statement. She is confident I will be able to see my children on an interim basis until this is sorted. I told her all my issues and she said I'm not a bad mum because I recognised my problems and got help and handed them over. She said that is a big tick! I'm so frightened of court on Friday as I will have to sit on a room with him and heat his lies. I still don't understand how he can say all this and get an order with no evidence x

Possibly he's told the court that you got unwell, had to hand them over, now want them back but he's not sure that you've recovered sufficiently. You'll know what his arguments are. They were enough to satisfy a judge, so you need to get over that and deal with the concerns that the court will have, and which I'm sure your solicitor has outlined to you.