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Original poster

In laws want access to my son

77 replies

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/07/2018 20:43

My husband died last year and since then his parents have been awful to me, accusing me of causing his death, threatening suicide if I don't lie at the inquest. It ended up with me calling the police and blocking their numbers.

Now I've had a solicitor letter stating that they want 1 day a week alone with my son. He's never been left alone with them and he doesn't seem to remember them at all. They are threatening court and have plenty of money to see this through.
It's a few weeks until I can see a solicitor and I'm worried about it all. Any advice?

OP posts:
VocalDuck · 14/07/2018 20:46

I’m sorry to hear this. Flowers

How old is your son and how much contact have they had with him throughout his life?

Bananarama12 · 14/07/2018 20:51

Grandparents have no rights. They can try but I doubt the court will go in their favour.

Hellywelly10 · 14/07/2018 20:52

Im sorry about your husbands death. Duck raised some important questions. The court will always look at the best interest of the child, it doesnt sound like they have covered themselves in glory.

Tentomidnight · 14/07/2018 20:57

What an awful situation for you.
What was your previous relationship with your inlaws like? How old is your son?

I know nothing about the court process, but doubt that any judge - upon hearing about them trying to pervert the course of justice at the inquest - would look upon their application seriously. Do you have proof of their requests and threats re that?

Gottokondo · 14/07/2018 21:00

They have no right.

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/07/2018 21:02

My son is 2 and a half. My husband died a couple of weeks before his second birthday. I've never had a good relationship with his parents. His dad was banned from our home due to his bullying behaviour towards my husband. His mum was allowed into our home but was never left alone with our son. She used to visit for a few hours when I was at work but would always get up and leave as soon as I got home.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 14/07/2018 21:06

So sorry fot your loss.

Do you have evidence of how things were before your dh died?

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/07/2018 21:15

What kind of evidence would I need? I have friends and family who can vouch that what I'm saying is true. I have the police report but that's from after he died

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 14/07/2018 21:19

They wont get access, keep logs of any calls, letters, emails, threats and the police report. Just because they have money doesn't mean anything, you should call your g.p. health visitor and children's social services for advice and their support. The solicitor probably has only their side of the story.

wafflyversatile · 14/07/2018 21:25

I'm not a lawyer it just occurs that if you can show that their access was already limited by your th then that puts you in a better position to say it is not in your child's best interests for them to get the access they want.

HoleyCoMoley · 14/07/2018 21:31

They will have to apply for a court order to see him, they will be asked about their relationship.

Youaremysunshine2017 · 14/07/2018 21:41

Can you get the legal advice where they offer a free consultation. From what I'm aware grandparents don't have rights but I'm not a solicitor! However I do work with children and I don't believe a guardian would recommend unsupervised access when your son doesn't remember them.

I really do feel for you. I don't feel comfortable around my in laws and if anything happened to my husband. God forbid. I'd find myself fighting if I was in your situation.

Sending you FlowersGin

TellerTuesday4EVA · 14/07/2018 21:50

Hi OP

I can't say too much for fear of being 'outed' but we had a similar situation with a family member. Her in laws went through legal proceedings to have access to her DDs, it dragged on for along time, family member got legal aid, the outcome was that grandparents got an hours access once a fortnight, not alone, family member was allowed to be there or send a representative of her choice, ended up being at a local soft play centre which turns out was their worst nightmare, they fronted it out three times then it dwindled to away to nothing.

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/07/2018 01:20

Thanks for your posts.
I am going to see a solicitor at the same firm that dealt with the probate, it's just that the appointment is not for a couple of weeks and I'm worrying in the meantime.
I just want to do what's best for my son but it's frustrating that if my husband had lived, his parents would not have been left alone with our son, but now he's gone, a court can make that decision.

OP posts:
PalePinkSwan · 15/07/2018 01:31

It’s very very unlikely they’ll get access.

Grandparents have no legal right to access, just to continue a relationship which already exists and is in the best interests of the child.

In this case there is no relationship, and you can demonstrate that contact is unlikely to be in your son’s best interests.

Stay calm. Gather evidence (eg any notes they’ve sent, talk to potential witnesses, keep your police records).

Then let them do the chasing.

The usual approach here would be to offer the amount of contact you are happy with (eg - can they send him cards? Skype him? See him for an hour with you/somebody else?). It’s then up to them to either accept that or go to court.

Courts will prefer you to be reasonable and open to access, so unless you have real safety concerns it’s best to offer some kind of contact even if it’s very minimal.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 15/07/2018 01:57

It’s a two stage process for grandparents. Firstly, they have to apply to the Court for “leave” to make the application. Then, if that is successful they make their application.

You can oppose both.

I’m assuming they went straight to a Solicitor as they knew asking you beforehand would result in a “no”.

Write down everything you can, preferably with date. You won’t need witnesses initially but might if it does progress.

Probate lawyers don’t usually do family work but there will probably be another solicitor in the firm that does. Check the Law Society website for members of their Family Law Panel in your area.

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/07/2018 06:34

Thanks for your answers. They went to a solicitor as I blocked their numbers because I couldn't deal with any more nastiness from them.
The solicitor I'm seeing is from the same firm but not the same one who did the probate. This one deals with family issues.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2018 11:46

I don't think grandparents have any rights do they? In some cases this can be heartbreaking but in your case it sounds like a blessing.

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

Good luck with the solicitor

MissedTheBoatAgain · 18/07/2018 02:42

Every case is different, but my parents were granted access as courts deemed it to be in interests of both child and his mother. Court logic was;

I worked overseas and before divorce grandparents had played a pivotal role in looking after child when he was young (grandparents have spent more time with son that I have due to overseas working). Whenever his mother left the UK to visit her parents he stayed with grandparents.

During school holiday and at weekends when mother was at work son was looked after by grandparents.

After divorce son was left with an unregistered child minder or was left in locked house alone. Social services became involved and police one day broke down front door as child was left alone. Came close to son being taken away from his mother, but I did not want that as convinced that once ex wife had got over the anger of my decision to divorce her she would realize that grandparents were important to son.

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/12/2018 20:14

Just reviving my thread as the court case is in 2 weeks. I offered them supervised access to try to be reasonable and prevent this from getting as far as court. They refused it as they don't feel they need supervising! My son has absolutely no idea who they are.
I'm really not sure what the court will decide. I'm assuming they have been advised by their solicitor that they will get more than what I've already offered.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 25/12/2018 20:15

No way in hell will they get any access rights.

itswinetime · 25/12/2018 20:18

I'm assuming they have been advised by their solicitor that they will get more than what I've already offered.

No necessarily they don't sound like the type to listen to advice. Don't let them scare you.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 25/12/2018 20:58

What has your solicitor advised though? Did they suggest the supervised access? Surely they can give you reassurance about the reality of them gaining access?

MistressDeeCee · 25/12/2018 21:18

Grandparents do not have access rights so on that particular score you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Don't listen to anyone encouraging you to worry yourself into concocting a defence. Don't get into drama. As grandparents they do NOT have access rights and that's it.

You don't have to say anything but "No".

mineofuselessinformation · 25/12/2018 21:29

I remember your original thread.
Maybe it's worth trawling through that (or get a friend to do it for you if it's too painful?) If I remember correctly they weren't exactly good in the early days.
There may well be something there that will jog your memory to use in court.
I'm so sorry you're still going through this.
I really hope you've been able to have a good Christmas despite what they are doing.