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Original poster

In laws want access to my son

77 replies

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/07/2018 20:43

My husband died last year and since then his parents have been awful to me, accusing me of causing his death, threatening suicide if I don't lie at the inquest. It ended up with me calling the police and blocking their numbers.

Now I've had a solicitor letter stating that they want 1 day a week alone with my son. He's never been left alone with them and he doesn't seem to remember them at all. They are threatening court and have plenty of money to see this through.
It's a few weeks until I can see a solicitor and I'm worried about it all. Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/12/2018 21:37

My solicitor suggested supervised access. I'm still surprised they didn't accept it and have pushed on with court instead

OP posts:
Santaisonthesherry · 25/12/2018 21:44

Good luck op. We are nc with mil, can't imagine my fury if she started such rubbish.

AntiHop · 25/12/2018 21:48

Good luck op. So sorry that you've had such a difficult time. Xx

greendale17 · 25/12/2018 22:09

Why would you give them supervised access???? They sound horrible and they have no relationship with your child?

notapizzaeater · 25/12/2018 22:16

They sound deranged ....

NewIdeasToday · 25/12/2018 22:17

This sounds like a difficult situation. I don’t know the legal side of this, but personally I wouldn’t be offering even supervised contact. That will only me a that you have to have an ongoing relationship and communication with these obnoxious people.

Hold firm and think about what’s best for you and your child.

Santaisonthesherry · 25/12/2018 22:38

I would start off withdrawing any offer of contact on reflection. Say previously you felt backed into a corner but are certain it's not on dc's best interests to see them at all.

PotteryLady · 25/12/2018 22:40

I have no advice but sending you warm wishes. I think you will be ok due to their previous behaviour

Jack65 · 25/12/2018 23:06

Presumably they have requested leave to make an application for a contact order. You are absolutely doing the the right thing by offering supervised contact. It isn't about you but about your child having contact with their grandparents, and as there is no ongoing relationship they are unlikely to be granted anything more than an hour a week at this stage. An hour a week which would have to be built up to because your son does not know them. The interests of the child are what is important here and that is what a judge will have regard to. It sounds as though everyone has had a very difficult time, and this is a situation that is tricky for a judge to weigh up. Your witness statement should include any difficulties the gp had bonding with both their late son and gc., and how little contact was happening anyway. You have my sympathies for your loss and the difficult current situation. I hope life goes well for you.

HannahnotAgnes · 25/12/2018 23:30

I've no advice Op but wishing you well. Sounds crazy that a court might grant them anything at all. Good luck.

MistressDeeCee · 26/12/2018 03:35

My solicitor suggested supervised access

With people your son doesn't even know? That have also acted offensively towards you?

You need a new solicitor.

Grandparents don't have access rights. You're the parent, that supercedes all - just say no.

Honestly, you could just look up all this info online. & just because someone instigates a court case it doesn't mean they can change the law to suit their wants you know.

I don't think it's in your best interests to have your solicitor in court with you, in your shoes I'd rather have the Duty Solicitor on the day.

There are good and bad solicitors, you don't have a good one.

Doyoumind · 26/12/2018 08:27

Mistress you are giving very bad advice yourself. I'm not a solicitor but from what I know grandparents can and do get access through court. That's why OP has been advised to offer them access. It's not because she has a bad solicitor.

Also, I'm pretty sure family courts don't have duty solicitors, do they? It's not the same as in criminal cases.

YouCouldBeMe · 26/12/2018 08:35

OP how awful. I am so disappointed to you it has gotten this fat. I hope the court finds in your favour Thanks

Sending you strength

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 10:23

The so called gps rights can be brought about if they have had a long standing relationship with the dc (usually unsupervised) which has stopped for some reason - like divorce /death and its declared in the dc's best interests for that relationship to continue.
There is no such relationship here at all.
No gps rights at all.

LikeaHurricane · 26/12/2018 10:37

OP ....
Please try to stay calm, although I know it really can't be easy...
They don't have any rights..

Just a thought ... you sound like a very reasonable, kind person and I am going to assume something here, that when you think of how people think and act, you put your head on it and presume they are kind and capable of being reasonable too. But the stark reality appears to be that these people aren't like that are they? They bullied your DH and had no relationship with you. Some people are nasty and horrible and can't bear the thought of not "winning" and won't stop at any cost. That's what it sounds like may be happening lovely.
Maybe worth thinking about.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 26/12/2018 10:40

The fact they’ve declined supervised access won’t help them one bit, nor will the other evidence you have OP.

My ex FIL tried this shit with DS1. He’s not seen him in 10 years.

I don’t think they’re going to get far in court OP. Best of luck.

Wordthe · 26/12/2018 10:49

Offering supervise access send a message that you are prepared to negotiate but that they will have to earn your trust, it puts them in a position of being beholden to you

They have rejected this because they want all the power, they do not want to be beholden to you they feel that they are entitled to access, I'm guessing that they feel that because they have suffered the loss of their son they deserve to be compensated by having unrestricted access to their grandson

I think they're just trying to bully you into submission but they have shot themselves in the foot by refusing to negotiate from the off, if they were clever they would negotiate and deceive you into trusting them but they're too entitled to be subtle and clever about things

luckily for you

Wordthe · 26/12/2018 10:51

Make no mistake you must protect your son from these people!

They have suffered an enormous amount of pain and loss and they are not reasonable or nice people they will weaponize this child and use him to punish you for the loss of their son.

Wordthe · 26/12/2018 10:54

I would further suggest that the court process is more about punishing you than it is about getting access to their grandchild

BirdieInTheHand · 26/12/2018 11:04

The court will look at what is in your sons best interest. Spending unsupervised time with strangers is unlikely to be that.

Your offer of supervised access shows you are reasonable, although I'm not sure I'd have offered the same given the circumstances.

Very best wishes

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/12/2018 12:04

I agree it does seem to be more about punishing me or winning than seeing my son. They could have seen him months ago if they'd accepted supervised visits.

OP posts:
OhLemons · 26/12/2018 12:24

Them declining supervised access will highlight to the court that this is not about seeing their grandson. If that was the case they would have taken what contact was on offer whilst still pursuing unsupervised.

They sound vile and I don't think they will get anywhere in court. Do you have any texts or emails asking you to lie ata the inquest or was it all verbal? Make sure in court that it is know that FIL was not allowed in your home.

I'm sorry for your loss and that you have to deal with this nastiness.

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 27/12/2018 10:23

I don't have any proof that of them telling me to lie at the inquest. Fil actually said he would commit suicide if the truth came out and it would be my fault. The truth he didn't want revealed was that my husband died of a heroin overdose, which was obviously going to come out due to the toxicology report.

OP posts:
Wordthe · 27/12/2018 10:32

He actually said that it would be your fault if he committed suicide ???
what a brain dead piece of shit he is

Wordthe · 27/12/2018 10:34

grey rock these people as much as possible
don't feed them
don't engage with them
don't go anywhere near them, and for pity's sake keep that child away from them