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Original poster

In laws want access to my son

77 replies

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/07/2018 20:43

My husband died last year and since then his parents have been awful to me, accusing me of causing his death, threatening suicide if I don't lie at the inquest. It ended up with me calling the police and blocking their numbers.

Now I've had a solicitor letter stating that they want 1 day a week alone with my son. He's never been left alone with them and he doesn't seem to remember them at all. They are threatening court and have plenty of money to see this through.
It's a few weeks until I can see a solicitor and I'm worried about it all. Any advice?

OP posts:
Notsurprisedatall · 27/12/2018 15:02

I would get a new solicitor.
I would back track on the offer of contact and say that your representation was from the same firm they were using and that you do not feel the advice you were given was in the best interest of your child.

Never use a solicitor from the same firm as the one being used from the other side. Ever.

MrsBertBibby · 27/12/2018 17:20

say that your representation was from the same firm they were using

Except that isn't true! FFS if you can't actually comprehend a thread in Legal, why post on it?

OP if you feel contact is not in your child's interest just say no. The worst that happens is that ultimately, the judge decides you're wrong, and orders contact. There are no prizes or penalties, just a decision. You are allowed to just say no. You are allowed not to think what the judge thinks.

And yes, withdraw your offer of supervised contact : the fact they didn't take it up tells you their focus isn't on your baby, but still on themselves and their grief/rage/guilt.

Good luck.

RedHelenB · 28/12/2018 06:53

Your child had a father who died of a drugs overdose. Contact with his paternal gps could give him a fuller sense of his father. I think you've done right to offer the supervised contact and take it from there. Im certain the court will see it that way too.

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2018 08:16

Wishing you luck Thanks

bertielab · 28/12/2018 08:24

Your solicitor has a conflict of interests.

Get a new one.

I'd get them on email -and say you don't understand why they are doing this -given X Y Z that they have previously done -I'd send in on a Friday night -hoping they boil over and reply without time to see their solicitor.

Draft your email so it is factual. And hope for a nasty response.

Give them rope ...........and hope they hang themselves. My inlaws certainly did.

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 28/12/2018 09:08

I don't see why people are saying my solicitor has a conflict of interest. I'm certainly not going to lie and say it's the same firm as my in laws solicitor, the 2 have been communicating so it would be very obvious to the court that it isn't true

OP posts:
eurochick · 28/12/2018 09:22

I think people have misunderstood. The solicitor is in the same firm as the one who dealt with probate, not the same firm as the solicitor the grandparents are using.

MrsBertBibby · 28/12/2018 09:29

I think it's because you said earlier it's the same firm as dealt with your late partner's probate. Which is not a conflict.

Ignore the drama merchants.

RebootYourEngine · 28/12/2018 21:46

Fingers crossed for the hearing. Hopefully you get the outcome that you want and what's best for your ds.

Bluewidow · 28/12/2018 21:54

You have my sympathises I have crazy in laws since my husband got ill and his subsequent passing. I’ve gone no contact until she’s see the light and apologises for accusing me of his death (he had a brain tumour) and other things. If I see one more post about her adoring her family I will go stir crazy - no call or card to the children over Christmas. Good luck, I hope you get the result you are looking for.

fiydwi · 29/12/2018 23:29

I’m no solicitor but a daughter of a friend was in a similar situation to you.
Father committed suicide. Grandmother applied to the court for access and got one overnight a month. I don’t honestly know the extent of the relationship between the children and the grandmother beforehand, but she lived a fair distance away so don’t think it was a close relationship. Judge granted contact on the basis it was the children’s only connection to the paternal family or something along those lines.
The mother offered supervised contact beforehand but this was rejected.

Good luck. They sound awful and I think your offer of supervised contact is more than reasonable and they could possibly look unreasonable by not accepting. But I’m no expert xx

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/12/2018 11:18

Thanks. That's really scary that the judge gave overnight unsupervised contact. My son has never been apart from me over night.

OP posts:
StressedToTheMaxx · 30/12/2018 20:26

My dp and I decided for valid reasons his parents where not to be involved with our dc.
We went to a lawyer and we where given the impression that if his parents raised court proceedings we could object to this as they have no bond with our dc.
It would be then up to them to prove a relationship before they where given a court date.
I am so shocked they got one. But then it may be different since on of the parents has sadly passed away.
You have been generous with the contact you offered and it shows it is about their want not your child.
The judge will see that.
Good luck let us know how you get on. Sending best wishes Flowers

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/01/2019 08:47

Court was yesterday. An agreement was reached for indirect contact- letters and photos. I have a feeling this won't be the end of it and they will take me back to court but hopefully this gives me some breathing space

OP posts:
woolduvet · 17/01/2019 10:21

Deep breaths indeed. Well done

Wordthe · 17/01/2019 10:32

It's good of you to update OP, and I'm glad to hear you have some breathing space.
How do you feel about the agreement?
Suspect the grandparents will see this as a foot in the door and they will now be looking to get a crowbar in to the door?

Do you think it will be possible to hold the line and keep contact to letters and photos only?

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2019 10:38

Good! I can't imagine any judge would order a toddler to spend time alone with people he doesn't know. That's insane! I hope that it stops here, OP.

fiydwi · 17/01/2019 11:16

Ah great update. Fingers crossed they get bored of the indirect stuff and bugger off for good x

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/01/2019 11:20

I'm happy with the agreement. I was expecting them to get supervised contact so I'm pleased that hasn't happened. Not yet at least.

OP posts:
GOTBackThisYear · 17/01/2019 11:50

Fantastic outcome. This way your DS will still have knowledge of that side of his family but won't have to visit them. One day he may want to but that'll be his choice.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 17/01/2019 13:01

That's great news. Is there any limit on how many times they can revisit this legally?

Original poster
NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/01/2019 13:25

Whogives that's a good question. I will ask my solicitor about that

OP posts:
Collaborate · 17/01/2019 14:39

There will be no limit on how many times they can bring this back, but if they do so repeatedly without good reason the court can screen all future applications before they are allowed to proceed. The time for that is not now though.

oldowlgirl · 17/01/2019 17:35

Well done Op.

EatCrisps · 18/01/2019 21:45

Well done