Domestic violence, absent parent, child's first passport & change of name

[FeelingTrappedAgain]

NC.

I am trying the legal eagles and other wise, experienced women of Mumsnet, after failing to get through to the very busy Rights of Women and Women's Aid helplines, despite trying over 100 times.

DD has been offered a place on a school trip overseas at short notice after another child dropped out. She has not had a passport yet, despite being a teenager now, because we haven't travelled overseas since she was born. We have been unable to travel because I am the full time sole carer for a severely disabled close family member and, even if that were not the case, money is very tight. I am also the sole parent of the DCs, the marriage breaking down when DD was only a baby, and I am now divorced.

To be continued...(Apologies - posting in parts as the last nearly completed attempt was lost)

She wants a passport in the name she uses not her legal name that she shares with a violent “father”?

You can do this for her as a change of name deed. If you’re nervous use;
www.deedpoll.org.uk (I have no affiliation with them but I did use them in near identical circumstances because they lend some credibility to the process of dispensing with the other parents’s permission.)

No judge is likely to overrun a teenager’s wishes.

So just declare the lack of contact with the other parent when you apply for the CoND.

...(cont 2)
I very much want DD to have the opportunity of this school trip with her friends. She is a young carer for the disabled family member and because of our circumstances her life has always been quite 'small' for want of a better expression. The trip will help with her GCSEs, with independence, and will offer her some respite. She is grateful for what she has, but it pains me to say that she hasn't got much. We have both got our hopes up about this school trip, which is likely to be her only opportunity to travel overseas until she is an adult.

School is helping towards the cost of the trip because of our circumstances, and I have used our 'rainy day' money for the rest and for the cost of the passport. The passport is the problem, being required almost immediately now, but the application has been refused by HMPO

To be continued...(Apologies again)

...(cont 3)
After the marriage ended I reverted to my maiden name and the DCs too became known by my surname. Then, about 10 years ago, I formalised this for them with a solicitor by Deed Poll. Since this time DD has only been known by my surname and this has been fully accepted as her legal name by schools, NHS, Child Benefit, Child Tax Credits and so on. DD only knows herself by this name, and is only known by this name by family, friends and officially.

The marriage had ended very badly, involving domestic violence, emotional and financial abuse, adultery and abandonment. Since that time there has been no contact with or from the biological father, and no financial support either. I have not had an address, phone number or email address for him since he left. At the time of the divorce he stated that he had been forced to resign from his profession (or he would have been sacked) after a violent incident at work, so I have been unaware of any possible employment details either. In a nutshell, he could be alive or dead, I do not know.

To be continued.. (Apologies again to anyone still with me)

...(cont 4)
Having read the HMPO website, I could see that applying for a child's first passport in a different name to the one on the birth certificate would normally require the permission of both parents or a court order. Although a completely absent parent and for the vast majority of her life, he is on the birth certificate and I understand legally he has parental responsibility as we were married at the time of DD's birth. I rang HMPO for advice and was told that exceptions to the normal procedure are sometimes made in circumstances such as our's. The advice given was to apply, to include an explanatory letter, the Deed Poll, and evidence of DD's use of the name. I was told that if I did this there shouldn't be any problem in receiving a passport and quite quickly.

On this basis I sent off the passport application, paying extra to get copies of documents quickly from the General Register Office, and to get the documents sent safely back from HMPO. I accepted the place with school on the trip and paid the cost. If I hadn't accepted and paid, the place would have gone to another pupil. All in all, this comes to about £600 (ie a lot). After receiving a text from HMPO with a date we should receive the passport by, I felt able to tell DD she was going. Great joy, (understatement).

However I then received a letter from HMPO refusing to issue the passport without a letter from the biological father giving permission for the change of name or a court order. They do not accept the Deed Poll and the (many) pieces of evidence of the use of her name. Despite costly, lengthy, on hold, frustrating calls to the advice line and resolution line they are refusing to reconsider. I have stressed I applied in good faith, acting on their advice, and they are definitely aware of our specific circumstances. I have not been allowed to speak directly to the person who has made the decision or, probably even better, to escalate it to his manager to be looked at again. They have finally registered a stage one complaint but a response to that takes 10 days. That will all be too late now to get DD's passport in time and she will lose her place on the trip. We will also lose all the money.

To be continued...(Hopefully a final apology to any brave, hardy soul still left)

You need to contact your MP today.
Google how to do this.
If you have a decent MP they should be able to help you quickly.

Can the school not put her onto a group passport?

...(cont 5)
Perhaps the biggest irony to me, (and the point at which I start wanting to really bang my head against a brick wall in frustration, despair and disbelief), is that the final letter states they will issue a Passport in DD's birth name if I provide a further Deed Poll changing her name back, together with some documents to prove her use of her birth name. I pointed out that this must mean they fully accept her current name is legal and so proves they should issue her passport in it, but again this fell on deaf ears.

HMPO have said that the next stage is a stage 2 complaint, after which I could contact my MP. All of this of course would be too late for DD's school trip, as we are now down to the last few days before the final, (already kindly extended to the limit), cut off date to submit her passport details to school and the travel company. HMPO intend to cancel the application anyway if the required documents are not received in a few days, and they do not intend to refund the fee, let alone the other costs, and never mind DD's disappointment or the distress caused to me.

I have of course looked into trying to provide them with the letter. Without any contact details, nor entries in telephone or electoral records, an option would possibly be a private investigator. I also looked at applying to court for a specific issue order. The cost and time for both options is prohibitive, but my greatest fear is stirring something up that might put us at risk again. There isn't even time to apply for an enrolled Deed Poll, which might not even be granted, or accepted by HMPO.

Thank you to anyone who has stuck with me to the end. I really appreciate you taking the time and trouble to read. Perhaps you can help, perhaps you can't. I hope at least to raise awareness that this is an issue for families like our's. I have tried to move on as best I can from awful circumstances, to be the best Mum I can be, and to provide a loving, stable, safe and hopeful life moving forward for my DCs. The worst thing is having the fear and feelings, the shame, embarrassment and guilt, brought to the fore again. This, on top of being a Carer (you might have spotted the time of my posts - fully waking nights), and having recently lost my DF. It feels very wrong that all these years on our life is still lived under the shadow of an abusive man, and that is aided and abetted by HMPO. I also have some understanding now of the Windrush Generation, who have been deeply wronged by the Home Office. In my own small way I recognise the lack of respect and recognition for the individual, the hostility, the shambles and brick walls, the inhumanity. Thank God, she is not being incarcerated or deported of course, but in her own way, despite being a British Citizen and legally entitled to a passport, my DD has been refused it and left 'stateless', unable to travel.

That's all folks. Thanks again for 'listening'.

Sorry for your situation, but your dd isn't stateless and unable to travel. You just need to follow the steps the passport office have given you.
MP intervention will probably have the problem done and dusted in a shorter time than you imagine. I used to work in a govt office where my job was mainly dealing with MP intervention.
You need to do it immediately though as obviously the MP's secretary etc needs to assess that your request is reasonable and make a formal request on your behalf.

Another one saying contact your MP today. A caseworker can call HMPO for you and have someone look at it ASAP.

Thank you Battleax for your astute replies. As you will now understand from my later posts, we have the official sort of Deed Poll via a local solicitor, which I imagine is similar to your's. He agreed it was appropriate to do it in our specific circumstances without the absent parent's signature. Unfortunately HMPO have refused to accept it, even though it has stood for a decade. I agree that a court application would probably be successful, but as I describe in my later posts, the cost, time and possible consequences make this seem both impossible and unwise. Thanks again for taking the time and trouble to read and reply.

Thanks newyearoldme. I did ask school about the possibility of a group passport at the time DD was first offered a place and again as soon as I knew the passport wasn't coming when expected. They had decided against applying for a group one, in part because most pupils already had their own. I think DD is now the only pupil without. It's complicated because she was offered the place later on. School say it's too late for them to apply now, and when I looked into it it does seem to take weeks and be for a minimum of about 5 pupils. It's a shame because that would have prevented the problem and very cheaply.

Thanks to alady, mellon and ThenCame for the MP advice. I did mention contacting him to HMPO resolutions but they said I had to go through the 2 stages of their complaints procedure first, stage 1 alone taking 10 days, (in my post no. 5). Based on what you've all said, I might look into contacting him now anyway. It is possibly something that would interest The Guardian too, but I really wouldn't want the publicity, not least because of the safety concerns.

ThenCame - I understand you believe DD would get a passport if I jump through the correct HMPO hoops. I explain in my post no. 5 why I can't.

Just going to try to get an hour's sleep now before the alarm for school goes off, but I will come back to the thread later in case of any further replies.

It is very difficult to have the time, energy and brainpower to deal with the Passport situation, (and all it has churned up), as a full time Carer, lone parent and on so little sleep. It is all being done at the expense of sleep, and I'm finding that the brain doesn't work so well on 2-4hrs, and with longterm sleep deprivation. Without respite, even making phone calls is a real challenge, and attending appointments is almost impossible. The irony is that in a very short my DD will be 16 and able to apply for a passport in the name of her choice without all this difficulty. Unfortunately by then this opportunity to travel will be long gone.

Thanks again everyone, and goodnight, (sort of) for now.

in a very short time* my DD...

So sorry this has brought up such pain and angst.

I'd go the MP route now.

Did the passport office tell you about the court order you could apply for ? Though I don't know how long that would take ...

Thanks Nobooze. HMPO didn't tell me any details but I managed to find out online. I explain in my post no. 5 about why I can't achieve it because of time and other concerns. It also costs over £200 just to apply, and that's trying to do it yourself and then represent yourself without a solicitor. I wouldn't feel confident, especially sleep deprived, and then there's the logistical nightmare of getting to court as a full time sole Carer.

Thank you very much MrsM for your kind reply. It's also quite a lonely situation, not only as a Carer and lone parent, but also in that I can't really talk about it IRL.

Go straight to your MP - don't wait for the complaints process. I work for a Gov Department and an MPs intervention will get things moving.

Have they said specifically why the deed and proofs of usage are unacceptable? It might be worth including a letter from your DD herself in your appeal. Then it’s a young woman asserting her wishes and not one parent defying another.

I’m guessing it’s a specific issue order they want but ignore that.

Time isn't on your side but try mp and play up the carer sibling issue ...

Gou can talk on here lass. We'll be here to listen and support you.

I would have thought you could apply for an order on short notice on these grounds.
You'll need to fill in a C100 asking for a Specific Issue Order and do a brief and concise Statement spelling out these difficulties (much like your initial posts). Explain you have no idea where DF is and have had no contact for x years, including no maintenance. Also do one from your daughter as she is old enough to join the decision and to explain how she wants it. Get school to write a letter confirming that DD cannot go on trip unless she has passport by x date and confirming DD's use of that surname.
Also do a C1A and in section 4 say you are scared of what will happen if DF gets notice of this and of your new address and a C8.
Then go down to the court (in the morning not afternoon) and explain at the counter why you need an urgent hearing.

Do this alongside the MP complaint.

The court may well give you an urgent hearing that day or the next day and give you the order and you can wait at court while it is typed up.

Your statement needs to set out everything and cross reference to any documents and focus on the long time use of the surname, fact that you had solicitors advice back in x year and followed it, and why there is no contact with DF. Also emphasise that DF has in x years made zero attempt to have any contact and has never paid any maintenance, you have no idea where he lives or even if he is still alive. Also the unique opportunity this presents to DD and how you struggled to pay for it plus the misleading advice from the passport office.
Also, passport office now makes it impossible for you to just get the passport in the other name because they demand evidence of usage of that name, of which there is none.

There is a fee for the C100, I think it's £215. You can get that reduced if you are low income. The counter staff can explain that to you.

And definitely go down MP route too because this is then classed by passport office as a parliamentary complaint which should mean it is fast tracked.