Domestic violence, absent parent, child's first passport & change of name

[FeelingTrappedAgain]

NC.

I am trying the legal eagles and other wise, experienced women of Mumsnet, after failing to get through to the very busy Rights of Women and Women's Aid helplines, despite trying over 100 times.

DD has been offered a place on a school trip overseas at short notice after another child dropped out. She has not had a passport yet, despite being a teenager now, because we haven't travelled overseas since she was born. We have been unable to travel because I am the full time sole carer for a severely disabled close family member and, even if that were not the case, money is very tight. I am also the sole parent of the DCs, the marriage breaking down when DD was only a baby, and I am now divorced.

To be continued...(Apologies - posting in parts as the last nearly completed attempt was lost)

Do you work? Court fees are free to people on benefits. I would apply for a specific issue order today, an emergency hearing so you should be able to see a judge today if you are quick

How old is DD?

If you apply today I'd take her to court with you so she can speak for herself if the judge wants her to.
At 16 she can legally make up her own mind so if she is anywhere close to this age it will strengthen your case.

In my view the solicitor that sorted out the deed poll should have warned you that it might not be accepted by the Passport Office and recommended getting a Specific Issue Order. If they did not do so I would complain to the firm concerned and see if they will help sort out this mess.

Thank you to everyone for your kind and helpful replies. I will do my best to answer, as time allows. Unfortunately my first attempt has been lost - infuriating phone or site glitch again, I think.

I had a very similar situation not so long ago. DV, absent parent, name change etc. Passport office refused my son his passport and I also needed it quickly for a school trip. In the end I had to go with the name on his birth certificate and they were fine with this and I got the passport back within a week.
I reasoned it as....it's only a 5 year passport and once he's an adult (so when he renews his passport) he can use whatever surname he chooses.
Hope you get sorted OP, sounds like a stress you can do without

Have you spoken to them on the telephone or just over mail? They were quite helpful when I called them and didn't request a deed poll back to birth name or proof he used his birth name either

I will try to reply again in more detail, but I just wanted to say that unless we are able to get the passport in DD's name, she will not be able to go on the trip. Some might see this as a choice and even making the wrong choice. It would be better to miss the trip than be forced back to our past. Anyone who has read the full thread or at least my 5 first OP posts will know something of how important the opportunity is and how substantial the loss of the money is to us, but at the same time why DD's birth name is not her name, and why we won't go back to it.

Skim read.

In the last few weeks I read that a child APPROACHING 16 could legally change their name by deed poll and obtain a passport in that name...

I had a problem with tax credits saying I owed them £9000 and I could appeal but it would take up to a year. They weren't budging, even though I'm a lone parent, would be made homeless without their parents and hadn't actually done anything wrong or owed them anything. I emailed my MP, within an hour I had a reply and by the end of the day it was all sorted. These offices have a computer says no attitude to the public, but properly listen to MPs. See if yours has a surgery open tomorrow, if they do, go to it! If not send an email etc.

Yours might be useless. But hopefully they're a gem like mine. They're your best bet.

Urgh I have been searching using my phone and can't find it - grrrrr

Thank you Random. I would be interested to see that if you can find it, but I don't think it will apply to us just now. DD's view will count for a lot as a teenager but she isn't, say, a few months off her 16th birthday. Might be useful for the future though.

Thank you, Seriously. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience. You must have been so relieved by that outcome. I'm glad you got such effective help from your MP. It must have restored your faith in 'the system' a little, after your experience with the TCs office. You might have read on the thread that several others have recommended my MP too. It makes such a difference to be listened to and treated like an individual and a human being, doesn't it? You might have read in my post 5 that my experience of HMPO is that it's a hostile environment for a family in our particular situation, (although I'm sure plenty of individual good guys do work there and are also frustrated by the current system). HMPO seems all powerful at the moment, and when you're more vulnerable perhaps that is taken advantage of - do they care less about people like me and my family? A lone parent family, who have experienced DV, and don't have the time, energy and money to keep throwing at the situation? It certainly feels that way just now. Perhaps that's where the MP comes in - to redress the imbalance?

Thanks so much, Totally. I'm sorry to hear we share a similar past, and I really hope you and your family are doing well. I'm glad you managed to resolve your passport situation to some sort of satisfaction. In our situation, where there has been no contact since DD was a baby, (so long ago that her childhood is nearly over), and she has only ever known and really been known by my last name, I feel differently to you. Ironically this first child passport would probably only be used for this one school trip before it expires. It would be so difficult, embarrassing, distressing and confusing to DD to be forced to have it not in her own name, a name that she loves and identifies happily with.

I have spoken to them several times on the phone yes, some more helpful and human than others, but their decision is the same. One phone call alone was one hour and 21 minutes, mainly on hold, before being cut off, and without getting to speak to the actual relevant person - such a shambles. So frustrating for anyone, but costly too, and extremely difficult as a Carer. You get told they'll arrange a call back from the relevant person but it never comes, just another letter with the same position.

Thanks again, Battleax. HMPO accept the supporting documents of name use, (I took the belt and braces approach as advised by the original HMPO person and sent lots), but refuse to accept the Deed Poll because it had not been countersigned by the absent parent and/or I did not have a letter from him to send with it giving his permission for the change of name. She could be alive or dead, (truly awful thought, I know), for all he knows and cares, but yet his 'permission' is required for this all these years later? How can that be 'right'?

Yes, it is a SIO they now want, or a letter from him. They know why I can't provide either.

I could possibly get DD to write a letter yes, but I don't think HMPO would be at all interested in this as she is under 16. Also, I am and have always been very reluctant to involve her in adult troubles.

In the solicitor's defence, I'm not sure we would have got an SIO ten years ago, prh47, as the DCs were much younger then, obviously, and the number of years of no contact/financial support was still in single figures. I was just grateful to him for understanding and doing the Deed Poll under the circumstances, mainly at that point to allow me to register at school in our name. I was still frightened and deeply traumatised, had very little money, was just trying to get through each day as a Mum and Carer the best I could, and had no thoughts at all of passports or travel. Not a lot has changed, except the fear and trauma has got less over the years, although unfortunately this has brought a lot of it back. It meant a lot to be able to register at school, to be able to take a positive step away and forward together as a family, I suppose as part of the healing process. The Deed Poll has stood unchallenged for a decade and DD's name is established. It has always been accepted by everyone, until HMPO just now. I really don't feel I can go back and hold the solicitor responsible for that.

Good luck with sorting this!

For future reference, womens aid is a charity that helps women to leave abusive relationships, it isn't a womens advice service so if something like this comes up in the future, they're not the ones to try.

Thanks NoYou.

My understanding from my past contact with Women's Aid is that they help women and children who are currently experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse. Certainly they told me to contact them again if ever I needed to talk, or get further help or advice.

I am horrified that the HMPO will not accept your deed poll. They accepted my name change deed poll for my passport application in 2001. It was not countersigned by my birth father and detailed his ‘abandonment’ of me ten years earlier. I remember my DM was worried that I may have to revert back to my birth certificate name but they accepted it without issue and sent me a passport with my step fathers last name which I had been using for years @Familylawsolicitor has the law changed in that time?

Not advice on changing names so your daughter can go on holiday no - they didn't mean that kind of advice.

Thanks especially to Familylaw and shalli for your very kind, more lengthy and complex advice. I'm working my way through, and thinking it through - not easy with differing opinions to weigh up and a chronically sleep deprived brain - so please excuse my slower replies to you both.

I just wanted to say firstly, that if Familylaw is correct that Court would want to use their own means to locate him to give him advance notice to seek his attendance and opinion, then I would not feel able to apply in the first place. I never want to see him again, to be forced back to that time of fear, to let him have that opportunity for any control over us again.

Equally, if an urgent hearing wasn't granted, there would be no point because we don't have the time to wait before the passport is needed.

The practicalities of applying to court and attending are a significant hurdle. Basic things like not having a computer and printer for the forms, and having no one to take over care in my absence.

shalli - a letter from DD might well be possible, but I would not want her to have to attend Court or be otherwise part of that process at all. I think it would churn too much up for her. It's really not something I would want to inflict on her life at the moment. She is quite a young teenager, with all that entails, and she has also recently lost her DGF.

I'm sure you didn't mean to sound quite so harsh NoYou. My reasons for contacting them were a bit more complex than that, I assure you.