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Original poster

Alternatives to private adoption?

20 replies

mustbemad17 · 23/01/2018 08:00

I know that private adoption is illegal in the UK, so obviously can't happen, but are there alternatives?

A friend has approached me very excited because someone she knows someone who is pregnant that does not want the baby. This lady has said my friend & her hubby can have the baby!! They assumed that they could do a private adoption so are looking for alternatives.

The only other thing I can think of would be a special guardianship order but the information on them is confusing. This lady has two other children & has basically said if my friend can't legally take the baby she is terminating as she doesn't want to carry for the baby to go to strangers.

Am hoping there might be someone well versed in family law that can just set me straight; my friend is so excited but I don't want her getting her hopes up to have them come crashing down around her ears

OP posts:
Flightywoman · 23/01/2018 08:21

Essentially - assuming you're in the UK - birth parents have no say in who adopts their child/ren. I gather that in the US a mother can choose the adopters, that absolutely doesn't happen here.

The prospective adopters will need to be assessed, DBS checked and so on and have the right preparation etc. And both parties will need extensive social worker involvement before anything happens.

But really, this is about something else, the pregnant woman making someone else responsible for her decision. By saying "you take it or I'll get rid" she is trying to shift the decision and any 'blame' onto another person and trying to abdicate her own responsibility.

I would tell your friend that it is at this point highly unlikely that she will be able to adopt this particular child but if she's thinking now that adoption is for her then she really should start by talking to a social worker.

brownelephant · 23/01/2018 08:23

the cynic in me says that surrogacy is sort of private adoption

Original poster
mustbemad17 · 23/01/2018 08:28

Brownelephant surrogacy could possibly be considered partly adoption, although one parent has to be biologically related so it isn't quite on par.

Flighty thank you, that is what I already assumed. We are all in the UK. I do think it's horrific the position birth mum is putting them in & it's hitting my friend hard.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 23/01/2018 08:42

I think your friend should run for the hills. The pregnant woman is a horror. This won't end well for your friend.

Original poster
mustbemad17 · 23/01/2018 08:49

That's my worry 😔 She can't have any more naturally but they are already looking into other ways such as adoption & surrogacy. This just seems too convenient & as you say, it won't end well for her

OP posts:
BangPippleGo · 23/01/2018 09:00

Is the pregnant friend married? If not, your friends husband could go on the birth certificate as the father and then your friend does a stepparent adoption. Not simple and raises a lot of ethical questions but not impossible I suppose (I'm not advocating that they do this!)

Original poster
mustbemad17 · 23/01/2018 09:06

Yeah that had crossed my mind but then the issues arising from that could be catastrophic if it got discovered

OP posts:
Original poster
mustbemad17 · 23/01/2018 16:05

My friend has spoken to somebody today regarding adoption & been told they can foster with special guardianship. After six months they can go for adoption.

Am baffled by this & hoping to god it doesn't backfire

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 23/01/2018 17:42

The baby should be at the centre of all this. The mother may decide to keep the baby. Social services can well decide that the baby will be better off in someone elses care. Definitely don't falsify a bIrth certificate.

Beeinthecity · 23/01/2018 17:45

As far as I know you can have a private fostering relationship but not sure how adoption would work.

Original poster
mustbemad17 · 23/01/2018 17:58

I just hope it works. She's got her hopes so high now.

Red i had that chat with her, she agreed that it was not in baby's best interests to do this the wrong way thankfully

OP posts:
namechange2222 · 24/01/2018 16:22

I know someone who, when she was early 20's was having her fourth child. On the day child was born she handed child to a relative. That relative isn't actually blood related but has brought the child up ever since ( child is now an adult and birth mother deceased) Unsure what was on birth certificate but the child was always told the truth.
This may sound very naive but isn't it possible to just give your child to someone else? Clearly adoption is a legal process and is far from simple. However, if I was to choose to have a child and hand it to my neighbour, I don't think I'm committing any crime.
I'll wait for people to correct me!

Flightywoman · 24/01/2018 17:31

It's not necessarily a crime to give your baby to someone else but at the point of registering the birth it probably starts to get a bit messy.

And the person raising the child wouldn't have parental responsibility so in law couldn't make any decisions about the child.

Original poster
mustbemad17 · 24/01/2018 18:43

I don't have much knowledge of it all, but I remember the absolute hell we had when I was a surrogate. Even tho realistically i could have put dad on the BC & handed the baby to him to raise, the hurdles we went through to make sure it was all legit were unreal. I guess i'm basing things on that, and surely if it just handing the baby over was that easy a lot of people wouldn't bother with adoption?

OP posts:
Flightywoman · 25/01/2018 07:43

Exactly!

And what is missing from that as an option is the plain fact that babies are people not children. Parenthood is not ownership. Children have a right to know their origins.

And treating a child as something to be passed around like a commodity is a very damaging way of thinking.

Flightywoman · 25/01/2018 07:44

Babies are People not possessions or inanimate objects. They are children of course!

prh47bridge · 25/01/2018 09:43

And the person raising the child wouldn't have parental responsibility so in law couldn't make any decisions about the child

That is only partly true. The person raising the child would not have parental responsibility in their own right. However, if the mother gives the child to someone to raise she is arranging for them to exercise her parental responsibility on her behalf. They are therefore entitled to make decisions about the child. Children Act 1989 S2(9).

Battleax · 25/01/2018 13:49

Private fostering was banned after the Victoria Climbie inquiry.

Battleax · 25/01/2018 13:52

Okay, maybe I've overstated. It is now highly regulated to the point of being nearly impossible.

You're required to give six weeks' notice to your LA if you intend to private foster to allow them to make assessments;

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/private-fostering/

Battleax · 25/01/2018 13:54

Babies are People not possessions or inanimate objects. They are children of course!

I would think SS might view anything that smacks of baby trading through that lens. It could well end up with the baby being a LAC.

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