16 year old.. contact!

[Mumof3mentobe]

Hi,

For a few years now my eldest son has not wanted to go to his fathers home.
His father is extremely controlling , not only of my children but tries still even though we are divorced 9 years to control me , by continually harassing me via email and text about anything he can ( even though I have asked him repeatedly to only text/ email if it is necessary)
I asked my son to wait until he was 16 , as I felt this would cause less problems as he has the right to choose himself .
I was wrong , I have received a nasty email claiming I have to give his father notice if my 16 wishes to go to his home even though he is collecting my eldest 2 little brothers .

We have a shared care agreement of I have 4 nights and there father has 3 nights but I am unsure whether this still applies to my eldest son.
My son is still in education at a local college until he is 16.

Surely I do not have to give advance notice? ( which is virtually impossible with a teenager anyway )
I personally feel this is just another excuse for their father to contact me in some way or harass me .

Thank you

Sorry that should say my son is at a local college until he is 18.

Your 16-year old son can do whatever he wants regarding contact. At his age the courts would not force him to do anything against his wishes.

Equally, unless there is a court order that specifies you must collect your children in person, he cannot dictate who picks them up. However, if someone other than you is collecting the children it is not unreasonable for him to want you to confirm who is collecting them.

Is there any reason why your son, you and his father cannot sit down together and agree what contact your 16 year old son has with his father if your son, at age 16, wishes to ignore the shared care agreement? It may be that your ex needs to buy food or wants clarity about dates he is coming. I am not sure that is hugely unreasonable. You say your DS does not want to see him but then say your ex harrasses you about not knowing when his son is turning up. It seems like a rather muddled relationship and you should clarify it.

I guess you and your son could see a solicitor who specilises in family law to look at how you take this forward and possibly your ex could receive a proposal from you and your son about future contact. I think, even as a teenager, he has to have some order in his life about contact and where he sleeps and it should not be on a random whim. You run the risk of not knowing where he is if it is not clarified.