Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

STBX refusing to return DC

87 replies

MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 04:01

What do I do??
I don't know where they are (he told me an approximate area but I don't know exactly where).
Police refused to help as we don't have a court order.
All I could find online says to go to court but i have no spare money at all for fees and solicitors.
Can someone please help me? Sad

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 06/10/2017 07:50

Saw this yesterday, had no decent advice but I'm so pleased they are home Flowers

I live in fear of DD's abusive arse of a father trying to pick her up from school. It's a horrible worry.

Natsku · 06/10/2017 07:54

I live in fear of DD's abusive arse of a father trying to pick her up from school. It's a horrible worry.

Is it possible for the school to refuse to hand her over if he does try? Maybe its different where I live but I had that issue with DD when she was in nursery and even though her dad had the legal right to pick her up the nursery agreed that if he tried they wouldn't hand her over and instead call me and her social workers, and the police if necessary (stating risk of him causing trouble in front of vulnerable children)

UnbornMortificado · 06/10/2017 08:34

Nats she's just started reception at a new school, we did discuss it with her teacher before she started and the plan in place would be too ring my DH to come get her.

I'm just worried incase there was ever a fuck up and he did collect her. It's probably a bit irrational.

We are saving to get proper legal advice and something official put in place.

Natsku · 06/10/2017 08:41

Hope you manage to get something official sorted and that he doesn't try in the meantime - its so stressful and worrying isn't it?

Berthatydfil · 06/10/2017 08:49

Can you ask for a penal notice to be attached to the order as this gives the police the power to arrest him if he fails to return him.

UnbornMortificado · 06/10/2017 11:41

Thanks Nats, it is sorry you've been through it too Flowers

Sorry for the* slight derail Moon* it's sad how so many of us have to put up shite like this or the worry of stuff like this.

kittensinmydinner1 · 07/10/2017 07:31

Unborn it costs £212 to put in an application for a child arrangements order. Since the abolition of legal aid except in DV cases, it is absolutely normal to self represent.
Don't 'wait to save up' . You really do not need a lawyer. Waiting could mean he can take your child because at the moment in the eyes of the law - he is within his rights. If he was married to you when dc was born or named on the bc he has EQUAL parental rights to you. If he took your child from school (or tried) and your DH was called - and there was a disagreement. Your DH has NO right to your child and She/he would have to be handed over to your ex.
The fact that he hasn't pushed it is luck on your part. He only needs to get the right advice and he could remove him/her

Get that order now. !

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 08/10/2017 08:24

Unborn when you first look at them, the forms look quite overwhelming but start with the 'easier' questions and then do the harder ones. You can do it Smile
I also filled in the c1a form (i had a list of abusive incidents on my phone, couldn't quite remember the exact dates so i put the years when it happened).

Mooey89 what's the advantage of a live with order?

When i asked him if he enjoyed seeing his dad DS told me a few disturbing things about him, not sure if i should believe him or put it down to toddler imagination but i'm even more worried now. I'm trying to get my head around the possibility he can be as mean to DS as he is to me Sad
What should I tell DS when he asks to speak with him? I want them to have a relationship but I'm so confused...
STBXH is very 'charming'/Disney. It took me years to see who he really is. I used to believe him when he said all our problems (and his behaviour was my fault).
I assumed DS's behaviour over the last few months was him adjusting to his parents not being together (we've been separated for two years). But what if STBXH is being mean towards him too? I can't just leave if he is but what if that's not the case?

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 08/10/2017 09:18

But you already know your ex is mean to your son.

Keeping a child away from a parent, especially the primary carer of a very young child, for no good reason is really mean.

UnbornMortificado · 08/10/2017 09:34

We are going to the local court Monday to have a look.

Moon the behaviours thing sounds worrying, back when DD had contact her behaviour and her speech (she was about 2) just went massively down hill. It was that bad she ended up with a behaviour support worker.

Since contact stopped February she has been a different child's, her stammer went altogether. I don't know if this was because of stopping or just coincidence.

I agree with MrsBert stopping your son going home to you is mean.

Natsku · 08/10/2017 10:12

DD also had behavioural issues when she was having contact with her dad that gradually stopped when contact stopped - I would strongly consider the impact your ex is having on your son, can you talk to his HV about it?

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 16/10/2017 10:44

Thanks Natsku and Unborn. Apart from not wanting to leave my side when we're together, DS has been on his best behaviour since coming back from his dad.
I also heard him laugh out loud for the first time in a long while last week. It was only when he did it that I realised it had been such a long time Sad
So I asked the GP for a CAMHS referral (HV's round here are very overworked and less than helpful!)

How did it go at court Unborn?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page