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Original poster

STBX refusing to return DC

87 replies

MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 04:01

What do I do??
I don't know where they are (he told me an approximate area but I don't know exactly where).
Police refused to help as we don't have a court order.
All I could find online says to go to court but i have no spare money at all for fees and solicitors.
Can someone please help me? Sad

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 05/10/2017 16:03

Fucking brilliant
I guess the police may get involved now? They may be able to persuade his family to track him down as he may get in big trouble if he continues to withhold him.

AliceTown · 05/10/2017 16:32

The police don’t really have any powers to enforce a CAO, as far as I know. Can you take a photo and text him a copy of the order? Or email him?

Did you explain to the judge that you had no idea where your son is?

MrsBertBibby · 05/10/2017 16:39

Is DS school age?

And do you have any other ways of contacting ex?

Do his family know where he Is?
And is there any risk of him taking your son abroad? Has he ever threatened to?

MrsBertBibby · 05/10/2017 16:39

And no, police can't help.

NeverEnoughSleep1 · 05/10/2017 16:44

Just read this and hoped that you got the order you wanted and was so pleased to see you did, I hope the police are helpful in directing you in the right path and your DS is home safely with you soon OP

FusionChefGeoff · 05/10/2017 17:45

Wow that’s great - I’ve got nothing to add apart from general support and a random voice on the internet cheering you on. Amazing work - good luck tracking him down and for the future battle. Sounds like there’s some incredible people on this thread and beyond who will be able to help you get through it.

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 18:43

The police helped, he's home with me, safe and sound! I'm so relieved Smile

But I think I messed up: I gave him a copy of the protective steps order and a copy of my application too Blush the court clerk told me to give him both but it feels like the wrong thing to do Confused

Wine Brew Cake Flowers Gin to all you awesome posters. You've been a lifeline. Smile

Back at Court in a few days, fingers crossed things will go smoothly. I'm trying to think about what I want to happen next and what's in DS's best interests but I think I'm still in shock to be able to think clearly and that far ahead.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 18:47

DS is not a school yet, nursery are aware.
The order prevents him from taking DS abroad.

OP posts:
Needalifeoverhaul · 05/10/2017 18:53

That's great news! Very relieved for you Smile Have a well deserved lovely evening with dc x

DaisysStew · 05/10/2017 18:55

I'm so glad they issued a prohibitive steps order - if you go back for the child arrangement order please insists that the PSO runs along side it, that's what I did.

Hope you're both ok and are enjoying lots of snuggles this evening - you need it after the day you've had. Flowers

MrsBertBibby · 05/10/2017 19:04

Blimey, never known the police be that helpful!

Absolutely right to give him the application as well as the order.

Don't even start thinking until tomorrow!

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 19:05

We're having an indoors picnic needalife Smile
Thanks daisy, I will ask for that :)

OP posts:
TheGuffalo · 05/10/2017 19:11

Op Flowers for you, what an awful day.

What would be the OP’s legal position if she refused to give the D.C. to her ex without his address?

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 19:15

Loads of cuddles tonight for sure! Weirdly he's not even complaining.

Station officers were a bit confused and not super keen but they called someone for advice and were ok when given the go ahead. The patrol officers were lovely and very helpful.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 19:16

I don't understand theguffalo

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 19:17

Thanks for confirming I have him the right papers MrsBertBibby

OP posts:
DancingLedge · 05/10/2017 19:25

FlowersCakeBrewWine for MoonCheese and young MoonCheese (-Wine)

DaisysStew · 05/10/2017 19:34

My ex refused to give an address in court so has to see our DS at the soft play centre with me supervising. Hopefully if the OPs ex is still playing silly beggars when they go back to court the judge will order something similar.

bluejelly · 05/10/2017 19:39

So pleased for you. Well done! What a total and utter arse your ex is. I'm not religious but I think there's a special place in hell for parents who behave like he has. Tosser.

endofthelinefinally · 05/10/2017 19:43

Will nursery be willing to provide a statement about the distress caused to your ds by visits to your ex and his family?

Familylawsolicitor · 05/10/2017 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ceto · 05/10/2017 22:06

You were right to give him a copy of both documents - he has to know what has been alleged because both sides have a right to a fair hearing, and it would be unfair if he were going into it blindfold.

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 06/10/2017 04:49

Sorry I dissapeared: I fell asleep with DS Blush and just woke up....

I'm going to a women's aid drop in session on Monday and will keep on trying to speak with rights of women. Hopefully they can advise re legal aid.

I'll ask nursery for a report, that's a good idea, thanks endoftheline Smile

DS ended up being so on edge last night. First I could hug and kiss him as much as I wanted without him complaining which is not like him at all. Just before bedtime we were sitting together in the living room, he got so worried about normal street noises being monsters coming he wouldn't let go of my emergency torch with one hand and the back of my shirt with the other. Wouldn't even let me stand up without holding on to me Sad
The handover was fine (well STBXH told the police I was out of order, MIL was crying) and DS loved playing/talking with the officers so I wonder what he heard or was told by STBXH and his family Angry

I'm trying to stay calm but I'm really worried about what STBXH will say/do after he reads my application. STBXH is a card carrying member of the Disney dad/husband/friend/son club and doesn't respond well to anything that affects his 'great guy' image.

For ex. I was selfish because I left him after one too many episodes of cheating ('how could I upset MIL so much?'), and he was the victim in our relationship because (despite moving back in and trying) I never managed to forgive him Hmm

Now the adrenaline is no longer running so high, even the thought of seeing him in court gives me the chills.
I keep thinking about how we ended up here: how do we go from declaring our love and saying our vows in front of friends and family to this? Sad

OP posts:
Natsku · 06/10/2017 07:36

So so glad your son is back home with you, safe and sound. Really impressed with the police for acting on the order!

You were right to give him the papers, now you just need to wait until court (and no access for ex until court - that's perfectly reasonable as court is only a few days away). Wishing you all the best in court and in the future.

Mooey89 · 06/10/2017 07:41

OP having just been through this process, (represented) my advice is:

Full in a C1a form if there are safeguarding concerns - DV, etc

Insist on a ‘live with’ order

Write a chronology - include today’s incident with crime ref number, description of how DS was when returned etc

Due to ex keeping DS overnight without permission, I insisted on an undertaking that he must return him on time - this was while I was waiting for the live with order

Good luck.