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Original poster

STBX refusing to return DC

87 replies

MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 04:01

What do I do??
I don't know where they are (he told me an approximate area but I don't know exactly where).
Police refused to help as we don't have a court order.
All I could find online says to go to court but i have no spare money at all for fees and solicitors.
Can someone please help me? Sad

OP posts:
Familylawsolicitor · 05/10/2017 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mooey89 · 05/10/2017 06:56

I’ve been here Op.
I managed to persuade ex to bring him back but it was awful feeling so powerless, I’m so sorry.

You do need to go to court for an emergency hearing - you need to get a free 30 minutes if you can.

You certainly need a ‘live wity’ Order to prevent this happening again.

Good luck Flowers

KarmaNoMore · 05/10/2017 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abitwrong123 · 05/10/2017 07:07

You can apply for an emergency order to have the child returned pending a full hearing at a later date to determine a child arrangements order going forward, it's called a prohibitive steps order. You can go to your local family court and ask to speak with the clerk of the court, explain that your ex has not returned your child from contact and is refusing to let you know where he is or if he will be returned. Explain you need to request an emergency ex-parte hearing for an interim order to have your child returned. Make sure you state you are the recipient of the child benefit and are the child's main carer.
They will tell you which form to fill in and will assist you. They can't tell you what to write but they can tell you which section to fill in etc. You don't need a solicitor to do this, you can get a solicitor at a later date.
You are requesting that your child is returned to your care immediately, you should also request defined contact for the future.

Don't just fill in the normal form C100 and send that off as advised on here, you will be waiting weeks for a hearing and by that time, if your child is still not with you your ex will have established a status quo.

youarenotkiddingme · 05/10/2017 07:13

Don't know the legalities but came here for hand holding as I'm sure you are out of your mind Flowers

nothanksyesplease · 05/10/2017 07:17

Hope you're ok op. I've been through this, horrific behaviour for your ex Angrylots of good advice here

strawberrisc · 05/10/2017 07:19

I would still urge you to inform CADT.

Collaborate · 05/10/2017 07:24

Was going to add to this thread, but Familylawsolicitor has beaten me to it.

Through just wanted to say that, of course, this is not abuse, contrary to what one previous poster has said.

Njordsgrrrl · 05/10/2017 07:28

XH tried to remove DC from school when he moved away but I got there first and collected him. I went to court the same day with that form because I was concerned he'd try again in the next few days. Ultimately his intended actions did a lot of harm to his position in subsequent hearings. So sorry you're going through this.

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 07:40

Thank you so much for all your help. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.
Women's aid basically advised the emergency order and refusing contact until a formal contact order is in place.
They told me to contact rights of women for legal advice but their helpline isn't open until this afternoon so I'll follow PPs advice and ask for help at the court to fill in the forms myself.
Waiting for my friend to get back to me about helping with the fees. If I take my payslips with me will that be enough to pay the reduced fee?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 07:43

Someone called back from social services. I explained what happened and what I'm going to do and a social worker is going to call me back

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 07:43

Thank you all Flowers

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 05/10/2017 08:50

You will need to serve the order, am I right in thinking you don't know where they are? Do you know your EX'S address? Do you have any other contact details (phone, email, social media?

Neverknowing · 05/10/2017 08:59

I hope you're okay op. I can't imagine the world of fear you must be in. It's insane that he can just take your children away and the police won't do anything? Honestly so scary.
Well done for dealing with this so well, you seem to be calm and taking all the correct steps. I hope all is corrected soon Flowers

DaisysStew · 05/10/2017 09:05

I'm so sorry this has happened. My ex tried to run offf with my son (luckily I managed to stop him) and when I called the police I was told the same - in the absence of a child arrangement order you both have PR. If they were to remove the child technically they (the police) would be kidnapping him.

Women's Aid are excellent, they got me in touch with a solicitor the same day and 2 days later we were in court. Hopefully you get this resolved before the weekend Flowers

Familylawsolicitor · 05/10/2017 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackToBasics1808 · 05/10/2017 11:20

I've been through something very similar so totally understand how you feel - its horrendous but it does get better.
I applied for an emergency hearing at court for my DD to be returned, within an hour of my application I was in front of a judge and she was ordered home that very day.
A full hearing followed a few weeks later but that gives you time to prepare for it.
I know it costs money but it is the best thing to do - log this with the school, social services and whoever you need to in the meantime
Good luck!! Please keep us updated x

Needalifeoverhaul · 05/10/2017 12:13

Hi OP. I'm so glad PP was able to offer help and practical advice. Am thinking of you and hope this gets resolved quickly. Have you heard back from your friend yet? Stay strong and this WILL get sorted. Sorry my earlier post wasn't much help Flowers

SleepFreeZone · 05/10/2017 12:18

Oh god OP I can't think of anything worse. I hope you manage to get your DS back ASAP 😞

SarahH12 · 05/10/2017 12:25

Oh gosh that sounds so awful. Others have given you very good legal advice but I wanted to offer a hand to hold Flowers

I really hope you get your DS back today!

Natsku · 05/10/2017 12:36

Please please borrow money from someone and make an emergency court order application. I have been through this before (different country but it seems that legally its similar - without a court order there is nothing anyone can do). I was lucky as I was able to trick my ex into bringing DD to her check up appointment and I asked the nurse to speak to him alone and while he was talking to the nurse I "kidnapped" DD back and rushed home.

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 13:06

I just submitted the forms (my friend helped with the fee and is meeting me later). I have no idea if I've filled them in correctly (the clerk wasn't very helpful and told me I should have had legal advice before submitting it...).
Thankfully I'd been writing down some of his worst behaviour since my son was born and after I left so I could use some of those for the DV form. But my mind is in a such a jumble I don't know if what I've written even makes sense.....

Now I have to wait for a legal adviser to decide if it's urgent and give a date/time for the hearing.

Thank you every single person one of you. You're giving me hope and strength (and excellent legal advice!)
I'm trying not to cry now

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 05/10/2017 13:26

Well done. Taking action is terrifying but honestly this is a giant step and for me it was the worst point. From here on it should be up.

abitwrong123 · 05/10/2017 15:37

Well done, I'm so pleased you got down there and made the application, sorry the clerk couldn't be more helpful though. Hoping you get the next steps sorted as quickly as possible.

Original poster
MoonCheeseApple · 05/10/2017 15:50

Thank you thank you so much for the legal advice adalindshade, family law solicitor and abitwrong123 for the legal advice. I've just been given an order to have DS returned and no further contact with STBXH until a proper hearing sometime in the next two weeks.
Otherwise I would still be at home waiting for a social worker to call back or re-dialling the rights of women helpline....

The only problem is that I don't know where he is so how can the order be served? I'm going to the police but do you know if they have any protocols for this type of situation?

Also thank you to all the PPs who shared their 'positive' experiences. I can't believe so many of us and (our children) have had to go through this Sad Angry

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