Court left me feeling undermined and unbelieved

[Truthsayer]

We went to family court on Thursday. After years of financial and emotional abuse and more recently physical I am filing for divorce.

I felt as though everything I had complained about wasn't serious enough and not believed. I wanted the ex to go for anger management due to his explosive temper but he has refused he says he doesn't have an anger issue! Instead it was suggested we went to Relate to explore my issues of anxiety!

Quite pissed off as it feels like I am not being taken seriously and left feeling that I am overreacting.

Has anyone been through this?

Yes this was my experience.

People encouraged to leave when there is DV but in my experience court doesn't care about it or abuse children have recieved.

I have been to family court with my sons grandmother so she could try and get an access order. They are an absolute joke, they didn't listen to a word I had to say let alone the proof I had to back up what I said. She is emotionally abusive and has threatened to kidnap my son on several different occasion and they still have her unsupervised access to him. Family court is absolutely horrific they are supposed to care about the child's best interest but they couldn't give any less of a fuck. When it came up about my exp phyiscally abusing me when I was 8 months pregnant thy just wanted to know why I was around him when he was drunk and as I didn't report it to the police i must be lying thanks to them I have been through 3 different types of antidepressants in the past year and have a sever step back with my anxiety. They are the biggest joke I have ever come across

So it's not going to get any better is it. I have been told that I shouldn't always listen to what the kids say! This is after a visit when they have come home crying because he has shouted/snatched things from them or left them with a stranger whilst he went out and came back drunk.

I can't wait for the kids to be old enough to decide if they want to go and see him or not.

Data I agree 100%
User - jeez that's awful. Why does the court always assume we are lying?

I am beginning to wonder why I bother.

Family courts really dont seem to care about the children they are supposed to. They dont understand domestic abuse and give access to pretty much anyone who demands it. Women's Aid run various campaigns - do join in those. Personally I think they are too focussed on domstic volence rather than domestic abuse.

There was a government consultation last year I think about the family court. It was kept so quiet I only heard about it months after the consultation period closed. And I try to join in public consultations.

And just wait until your family case is heard by an unqualified lay magistrate panel.

When my ex broke his court order (twice) to return my daughter to me they did NOTHING, they really don't care!

I did find it varied from magistrates and family court.

My kids are secondary and I am so glad they can't be forced to do anything now.

Has everyone else done the 'seperated parents course' FC seems to like to send parents on this course maybe they should do this course themselves - it's all about putting the kids needs first.

Do they ever speak to the kids?

It's wrong to insist that kids go with parents/other relatives when they are at risk of abuse.

SPIP? Oh yes. A little bit like mediation really. You attend, a tick gets put on a form and no-one gives a shit about the outcome. It might be mandatory to attend SPIP but the quality of your participation is not recorded. You dont attend together so you dont get a chance to hear the contributions from other participants so you could work those through together. The icing on the cake for me on that one was when I tried to implement a really good suggestion from my SPIP course, ex refused to cooperate and the judge told ME it could cause problems. (It was a home-home contact book). I really gave up at that point.

bebebunting - your post is so spot on.

But I am now done with the current situation. What can be done to improve it? We all go to family court, we all have problems, what changes? So is anyone DOING anything about the situation?

I did the course as you say it's more of a box ticking exercise.

I am really frustrated seems to be totally biased towards the father. I wonder if this is because people can get legal aid if they cite EA or DA so the other parent probably has to pay a lot just to be there. Proving what a great parent they are (when in reality they probably arn't).

The proof you need to supply about DA to get LA is much much less than you need to satisfy a court in contested proceedings.

Legal Aid has been so restricted (both re those who can apply and financial eligibility) that many people get no proper advice so their expectations are not properly managed.

Also, there has been no increase in the fees paid to legal aid family lawyers for something like 15 to 20 years now, so the service inevitably suffers and fewer lawyers will do the work.

If it helps, I don't see the courts being biased for or against either party.

Finally, the proof of DA you need to supply to get LA is much much less than the proof you'll need to place before the court when seeking a finding of DA in a contested case.