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Aunt in nursing home and her 'friend' has disposed of her possessions, please advise...

95 replies

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 10/04/2017 23:50

My aunt is in a nursing home and has Alzheimer's disease, she has been there for 2.5 years and my father is legally responsible for her affairs. When she was taken into the home after a fall, her friend remained living in her house, he had moved there a year earlier after his wife was taken into a nursing home where she still remains. The friend is elderly and frail, he was a good companion to my Aunt and so the issue of him living in the house was never challenged as we believe that she would want him to stay there and social services told us that he had rights to remain there due to his age and poor health.

Since my father was granted Deputy for her affairs a few months ago the Office of Public Guardian have met with him and they are concerned about the friend living there without paying rent. The house is owned fully by my Aunt and there is no mortgage, he took over paying all utilities. After another letter from OPG he brought the subject up with the friend who didn't engage with the conversation. My father felt compromised because social services had already advised that because the friend is elderly he couldn't be asked to leave anyway.

2 weeks ago a relative of the friend contacted my father's place of work and told him that the friend had moved out and that they would bring him the keys to the property. This morning they still hadn't brought the keys and so I contacted the relative who said he didn't know where they were as the friend still had them and that he hadn't been to the property other than to drive past to check on it. He said that he could probably get the keys in the next few hours and that we could collect them from him tonight.

There have been a few issues with the friend's family in the past. When my Aunt initially took ill and was taken into hospital his relative gave her own details as her next of kin and emergency contact, she knew my father was always this person but did not even inform him that she had taken ill. He found out a few days later when he went to visit and found that she was not there, the friend told him where she was. When my Aunt was moved to the nursing home a meeting took place between social services, my father and the friend's family. I was not at the meeting but afterwards the friend and his family have made no contact, my father has checked in on the friend a few times but has been made to feel unwelcome.

My father collected the keys today and has been round to find that there is nothing left in the house, the house was fully furnished and full of my Aunt's possessions when she lived there and was filled with same things the last time the friend was visited by my family. Every last possession has gone. My father went to the friend's new house to be told by the friend that he has donated everything to charity and that my father didn't show an interest in any of her things so he gave them all away. He admitted to having the dining suite in his spare room and the cabinet was in his living room. My father didn't ever ask about the possessions previously to this because he didn't want to appear to be hassling an elderly man. He (naively) thought that if the friend left then he would leave my aunt's possessions as they were. It transpires from a neighbour that friend's family were there today after I'd spoken to them about returning the key and the friend has said he'd given a lot of the possessions to them.

My Aunt is still alive, my father is looking after her assets. What on earth can he do from a legal perspective? They have taken the fence, decking, garden gate and a shed. They have also taken all appliances from the kitchen. All that is left is a sofa and a bed.

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 12/04/2017 15:44

OP I know you say your father has all her financial matters in hand but is there a way of finding out if your Aunt has made a will recently? These people sound horrible and I hope they haven't got her to write a will in their favour.

MrsPringles · 12/04/2017 15:47

This is awful, I hope you manage to somehow recover some of her things Sad

PuntCuffin · 12/04/2017 15:48

If a will was written after the OP's dad was made Deputy, it will have no legal status as the aunt is not legally competent. It would revert back to any previous will.
(DH was Deputy for a relative. Another relative tried to pull a stunt with wills)

Youdontwanttodothat · 12/04/2017 15:54

Theft. Police.

Kittykatclaws · 12/04/2017 16:08

I hope you get it sorted and at least some possessions back!

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 12/04/2017 18:25

Not a great update but I had a phone call from the police today, I went through what has happened with them and they have said that there would not be enough evidence to bring about a case. We can't prove exactly what was in the house and when items were removed. As social services acted as power of attorney until my father was granted deputy we can't prove/disprove whether my aunt instructed permission for her friend to empty the house. So the police have suggested we go to a solicitor to have them 'unpick' everything. Then we can see if there is a case. It sounds like this may be expensive.

We went to one of the relatives houses today to ask about the items but this relative denied all knowledge and said the property was empty when they arrived. Another relative also said this over the phone to us, despite the friend already telling us they had given items to said relative. It's just a huge web of lies, I'm so disappointed in the authorities that are supposed to protect.

I'm on my phone so I can't scroll back through the replies but I will once I'm home. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
CoffeeBreakIn5 · 12/04/2017 18:26

Oh and the bank statements have been checked, all fine. We have found post at the property relating to an account we knew nothing about so we have applied to the bank to have my dads name put on ( court order for deputy).

OP posts:
CoffeeBreakIn5 · 12/04/2017 18:27

There has been a will at a solicitors for a good few years and we have a copy at home. We just don't know if there has been another one written since.

OP posts:
OVienna · 12/04/2017 18:42

Furious for you. My DH's grandfather was also fleeced when he was going through the early stages of Alzheimers by a 'girlfriend' who tried to marry him as well, with two of her family as witnesses. DH's mum unpicked everything - by luck, the Registrar refused to go through with the service because he was not found to be of sound mind. This woman also sold DH's late grandma's things. MIL even worked out where they'd gone and confronted the antique shop people - very shifty/uncomfortable. The really disgusting thing is that when the grandfather finally went into a home, after all of this had happened, she didn't even put on a pretense of caring about him, by visiting etc. We presume she moved onto someone else.

It's incredible there are so many people out there like this.

I also think that SS have behaved appallingly ; why on earth would he have a 'right' to be in your aunt's property? I would be so tempted to explore bringing a claim against them too. They obviously put your aunt's property at risk. I would want them to at least recognise there was a lesson to be learned from what happened here.

whataboutbob · 12/04/2017 22:06

I am also angry about it, as the daughter of someone who had alzheimers I am only too aware of how many amoral, exploitative people there are out there who would steal off the vulnerable without a moment's hesitation. OVienna thank goodness the registrar was perceptive enough to see the situation for what it was.
Coffeebreak I fnd the police's attitude in your dad's aunt's case disappointing, it rather sounds like they can;t be bothered/ this sort of crime isn't on their priority list du jour. And as already pointed out, SSs were incorrect in saying the "friend" had rights. The one good thing is that you as a family have taken control back from that bunch of crooks.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 13/04/2017 02:30

do you or anyone else have photographs that were taken in your aunt's house?

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 13/04/2017 02:33

as for your aunt giving consent to empty her property - i thought she lacked capacity to make decisions like that?

so by default she could NOT have given consent. so it's straight up theft and whoever he is living with now should be reported for safeguarding issues.

he didn't live in an unfurnished house for 2 years so his 'care-givers' have a case to answer.

Gallavich · 13/04/2017 02:50

Who on earth told you he couldn't be made to leave her property? I hope your husband took some legal advice on that and didn't just accept it without question!
If he wasn't her husband and didn't have a tenancy agreement (either explicit or implicit through evidence of paying rent) then how could he have a legal right to live there? And even if he somehow did, you can apply to court to evict people who have a legal right to occupy properties and judges make decisions about whether they can be evicted or not. To simply shrug and allow a random to live in her house without any oversight was negligent.

wowfudge · 13/04/2017 07:46

I'd try the police again because their response smacks of just can't be bothered. Have you contacted any of the neighbours to see whether they saw the furniture, etc being removed?

wowfudge · 13/04/2017 07:46

I'd try the police again because their response smacks of just can't be bothered. Have you contacted any of the neighbours to see whether they saw the furniture, etc being removed?

TupperwareTat · 13/04/2017 07:49

Oh my goodness, That is one of the worst things I have read Sad

What on earth was he thinking?

whataboutbob · 13/04/2017 08:42

As for whether the "friend" had enforceable rights to be in the property you could get a definitive answer by posting a question on the Landlordzone forum under "residential". I'm pretty sure he had no real rights. But maybe it's water under the bridge now, he's out and your Dad probably has enough to contend with.

wowfudge · 13/04/2017 09:21

If there are witnesses to the house being emptied then see if they are prepared to make statements and go back to the police. Would the police take the stance they have if a younger person in hospital, say, had had their home emptied by someone house sitting for them?

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 13/04/2017 09:26

Thanks for the responses, I've made a list of points to looks at!

The friend's residency was in question because he didn't have another home to go to (officially) and so because he was classed as vulnerable social services deemed that it was in his best interests to stay there. The OPG were challenging this. My father really felt that he was stuck in the middle and that my Aunt had made the decision for him to live there before she had the Alzheimer's diagnosis - this is why the lines are blurred and the police cannot act. They said that we can't prove there wasn't an agreement between then (verbal) and so it would be too difficult to prove. This is why we need to speak to a solicitor, I'm speaking to them this morning.

When he moved in my father did express to my aunt that it wasn't a good idea but she didn't see his point at all. So we've just watched and kept an eye out from a distance, as soon as she went into the care home my dad applied and was granted deputy so the money has been safe, thankfully. I have no doubt in my mind that the friend's (and his relatives') intentions were to take everything right from the outset. These concerns were voiced to social services at the start which is why we had a big meeting with them and both families to set some boundaries. Social services were very much looking out for the friend's best interests, it seems that they still are.

I'm sorry that there are so many similar stories to this, I can't believe that there isn't more to protect vulnerable people in place. I'm so disappointed in the system and I'm hoping the solicitor can do something. I can't even put into words how I feel, my father is under a lot of pressure due to his job anyway and I worry for his health so I'm trying to take the brunt of this for him. I just hope I can get some justice for my aunt.

OP posts:
CoffeeBreakIn5 · 13/04/2017 09:27

Thanks whataboutbob I'll go over and ask on there!

OP posts:
CoffeeBreakIn5 · 13/04/2017 10:03

The friend was good friend's with most of the neighbours, one of them gives him lifts etc. I'm planning on going to a few of them to ask questions, I'm hoping the solicitor can advise on this - if they ever ring me back.

My father has had a phone call from one of friend's relatives this morning to say that the friend has found some paperwork belonging to my aunt and that we can go and collect it when we want. I'm doubting it will be anything of interest really but I'm glad it's given us a reason to go and see him. I've been wary because he is vulnerable and I don't trust any of the family, I don't want to be seen as harassing him. As ironic as that seems.

We honestly thought that by having a court order as deputy for my father her belongings and assets would be safe, we didn't imagIne that the friend would be able to take anything and we certainly didn't imagine that he ever would - he was her friend. Once that initial meeting took place we were lead to believe that he was an innocent and vulnerable man, social services were adamant. Of course ultimately the decision for him to remain there would be my father's as deputy but that was because social services said it would be a complicated process to ask him to leave and because of his status wouldn't be able to in the end.

OP posts:
JustMyLuckUnfortunately · 13/04/2017 10:22

OP I'm so angry for you and your family. What a horrendous thing to happen when the friend began living there based on generosity

tatatetelle · 13/04/2017 10:36

This makes me SO angry for you OP!! Sorry I don't have any legal advice, but for starters could you collect the furniture you know is at the relative? They've admitted having some in their spare bedroom and living room so surely you can ask for that back?

Could you and you dad make a list of everything you can remember was in the house to help you try and track things down? I guess it'll be difficult to get everything back, especially if other relatives are lying about having some of them, but at least you can try to focus on the most important pieces you'd want to have back... Did you Aunt have any jewellery in the house, or family memorabilia?

OVienna · 13/04/2017 12:12

These concerns were voiced to social services at the start which is why we had a big meeting with them and both families to set some boundaries. Social services were very much looking out for the friend's best interests, it seems that they still are.

I wish there were a flame emoticon combined with Angry. I don't even know you or your family but I am enraged by this.

I would at the very least need to be wasting their time significantly, asking how they established it was in YOUR AUNT'S BEST INTERESTS for him to stay, never mind him.

And by the way - he's not there now, so there clearly WAS somewhere else for him to go.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 13/04/2017 13:03

Yes we plan on asking for that back tonight, again though we can say it was my aunts and we can establish that it was in the house before the friend moved in but the police say that we can't prove there wasn't an agreement between aunt and her friend about what would happen should she move out. So we know it's hers but can't establish she didn't give it to him at some point before she was deemed unable to make a decision. So if we took it from his property it could be theft.

And yes, it transpires he had his own house which he had let another family member move into. That family member has now moved out which left the property empty, he's moved back because he didn't want to have to sell apparently. Social services - well I have no idea what crap they've fed us in the first place or why. I don't know why they didn't establish that he did have somewhere to go, they couldn't disclose his situation to us for confidentiality reasons. I spoke to the exact person who my aunts key worker and was present at that meeting. Her take on it was nonchalant, as if nothing could be done about it. She even said she sees this all the time! I feel like she knew it was going to happen but knew we couldn't do anything about it. I plan on complaining but I have to find out our position first. Still waiting for the solicitor to phone back.

It just seems as if if doesn't matter to any of the people who have the power to do something about it.

The friend still visits the nursing home. It's so wrong.

OP posts:
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