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Original poster

I'm not on the house deeds/mortgage and I want to be. We're getting married next week.

54 replies

TheCunnyFunt · 24/07/2015 17:52

Some background, DP and I have been together for almost 9yrs, since I was 15 and he was 17. When we were 18 and 20 he decided he wanted to buy a house, I fully supported him and agreed that as we were so young it would be silly for me to go on the mortgage as who knows what could happen 6 months down the line. Time has gone on and we are now 24 and 26, with a 4yo DD and we're getting married in a week and I want to go on the deeds.

DP doesn't agree. He says that he wants DD to have our house if he died (as of yet, he has no will). But with a clause to say that I can live here as long as I want to and that she won't be able to kick me out. He says this is because if I got a new partner, he wouldn't want this imaginary new partner to take the house away from me and DD and leave us with nothing Confused

I can kind of understand why he is so wary, his brother has been screwed over several times by past girlfriends and his whole family are of the 'take care of number one and sod anyone else' attitude so as well as what happened to his brother, it's the way he's been brought up. His mum even wanted me to sign some kind of contract to say I wouldn't screw him over before we moved in together, I don't know what it was and she never produced this document. I'm surprised she hasn't insisted on a pre-nup tbh.

All the bills are in his name, but I pay the council tax every month and the waste water every 6 months. I've put almost as much sweat and blood into this house as he has and I think it's high time the house was legally half mine.

What should I do?

OP posts:
scribblegirl · 24/07/2015 17:59

I'm not legally trained but I would guess that if you are married and he dies it's yours anyway. Plus it's a bit patronising to say you wouldn't protect yourself in a future relationship. Actually, you could point out that your ability to protect yourself is very important- which is precisely why you want to go on the deeds Wink

NerrSnerr · 24/07/2015 18:01

I'd speak to a solicitor for advice. I wouldn't get married until this is resolved- if you don't get it sorted in a way you're both happy with it could end up with you resenting each other.

DorisLessingsCat · 24/07/2015 18:03

Yes, if you are in the UK half of the house is yours automatically.

He sounds like a prick though.

KittensOnAPlane · 24/07/2015 18:08

Agreed

Sounds like he doesn't trust you or value your intelligence

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 24/07/2015 18:14

I pointed out that it'll be half mine after we're married anyway and he said the law has recently changed and that it won't be. Is he wrong on that?

He's lovely in every other way, it's just the house he has issues with.

OP posts:
DorisLessingsCat · 24/07/2015 18:15

"Just" the house.

That's a big "just" Hmm

butterflygirl15 · 24/07/2015 18:46

yes he is wrong.

And to want to leave the house to his daughter and not you is just terrible. Why would you tolerate that?

RooibosTeaAgain · 24/07/2015 18:50

Do you pay towards the mortgage or other bills. Or does he totally finance you? I doubt it. Therefore are you helping him pay the mortgage by paying towards the household costs and providing childcare that he does not pay for?

I would insist on working out how to get the bp house put in shared name.

Otherwise if he left you then you ( and dd if you had custody/some) would have no home in his opinion and would have potentially expensive legal bills to sort things out.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 24/07/2015 18:54

If you jointly owned the house as a married couple and he died, the house would be all yours.

I would INSIST on this - otherwise your future DH is not really treating you as an equal partner. I get the not being on the deads when you were very young and in a newish relationship, but the situation has changed.

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 24/07/2015 20:05

Rooibos I said in my OP what I pay, the council tax and the waste water. Oh plus we share the gas and electric bill.

What's 'the bp house'? Trying to rack my brains thinking what it could be Confused

OP posts:
RooibosTeaAgain · 24/07/2015 22:19

You did say what you paid in your opening post however have admitted you now pay half of 2 bills.

Ultimately it is your choice. However if he decides to no longer be in a relationship with you or vica versa then you will find yourself having paid towards someone else to have a nice home unless legal advice, at a cost, helps you make some claim.

Sorry bad typing on mobile - bp house should say house.

EssexMummy123 · 24/07/2015 22:36

pre-nup's aren't legally binding in the UK no matter what his mum say's :-)

If married then yes you would inherit the house UNLESS he makes a will AFTER the marriage specifying otherwise - he might already know this.

What he might not know is that you might well already have a claim on the house.

titchy · 25/07/2015 01:02

Well being practical, if you split up now you'd get nothing, except 10% of his net salary for child maintenance. Once you marry, if you split up you'll get a damn sight more as you have a child together. Even if he wrote a will leaving everything to the dogs home you'd still be able to challenge it successfully.

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 25/07/2015 07:46

Is there a website or something that I can read up about this? I have no idea what to put into google Confused

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 25/07/2015 07:52

It is a fact that you are going to own that house after marriage. Do not bother asking to go on the deeds. It is half yours.

sofato5miles · 25/07/2015 07:56

You need to speak to a good solicitor. Titchy does have a good point that you would have more rights after you got married.

I'd get legal advice pronto. Are you in Scotland or England & Wales? Or other.
Google: your country, spousal rights vs cohabitation. Do the same but with legal wills.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 25/07/2015 07:59

If the estate is valued at 250k (including house) or less, you will inherit everything once married. You will also inherit all personal effects - clothes/watches/papers etc.

Anything over 250k, you will get an absolute interest in half the remainder and the rest will be divided equally amongst any surviving children.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 25/07/2015 08:02

Also, it's not right to say that you "own" half the house immediately on marriage. You may have a beneficial interest and you will have rights of occupancy

article explains your rights well [[http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2013/11/15/ask-a-family-lawyer-if-our-home-was-owned-outright-by-my-spouse-before-we-married-is-it-mine-too/]]

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 25/07/2015 08:03

Oh - and the advice above is based on you living in Ebgiand and Wales....

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 25/07/2015 08:36

So I won't jointly own it automatically without actually going on the deeds, but I will have beneficial interest? That's what I understood from that link anyway.

OP posts:
Superexcited · 25/07/2015 08:42

I would not be marrying a man who doesn't want me to own our house if anything should happen to him. You have been together since you were children and now have a child and are getting married he should want to share everything with you equally and what should happen in the event that he dies shouldn't even be part of the equation.
In any case, once you are married the house would pass to you if he died regardless of whether you are on the deeds. What would happen if you were to divorce is a different issue and the split would not necessarily be 50:50.
You have a child together so I think the issue of who pays what bills is irrelevant. You want to be on the deeds and he should respect that and put you on the deeds, after all there would be no pin tin walking up that aisle and saying "all that I have, I share with you" if he isn't prepared to do so.

sooperdooper · 25/07/2015 08:44

If he wants the house to go to your DD has he made a will to that effect or is it just talk? If he died tomorrow and left it to your dd who does he think would pay the mortgage? Hmm

In any case, as you have dd you should have a will to state what would happen should anything happen to both of you - I think you should speak to a solicitor

Kvetch15 · 25/07/2015 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 25/07/2015 08:54

Correct cunny

Ultimately, if you divorce and can't decide in a division of matrimonial property (including house), then a judge will make a decision based on best interests of the child. That doesn't mean you would be handed the house. You may only get the right to remain in it until your DC have finished full time education. Then it would be sold. Or, the judge might order it be sold and you get 60% of equity and DH 40% based in housing needs if your DC were mainly resident with you