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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

I'm not on the house deeds/mortgage and I want to be. We're getting married next week.

54 replies

TheCunnyFunt · 24/07/2015 17:52

Some background, DP and I have been together for almost 9yrs, since I was 15 and he was 17. When we were 18 and 20 he decided he wanted to buy a house, I fully supported him and agreed that as we were so young it would be silly for me to go on the mortgage as who knows what could happen 6 months down the line. Time has gone on and we are now 24 and 26, with a 4yo DD and we're getting married in a week and I want to go on the deeds.

DP doesn't agree. He says that he wants DD to have our house if he died (as of yet, he has no will). But with a clause to say that I can live here as long as I want to and that she won't be able to kick me out. He says this is because if I got a new partner, he wouldn't want this imaginary new partner to take the house away from me and DD and leave us with nothing

I can kind of understand why he is so wary, his brother has been screwed over several times by past girlfriends and his whole family are of the 'take care of number one and sod anyone else' attitude so as well as what happened to his brother, it's the way he's been brought up. His mum even wanted me to sign some kind of contract to say I wouldn't screw him over before we moved in together, I don't know what it was and she never produced this document. I'm surprised she hasn't insisted on a pre-nup tbh.

All the bills are in his name, but I pay the council tax every month and the waste water every 6 months. I've put almost as much sweat and blood into this house as he has and I think it's high time the house was legally half mine.

What should I do?

OP posts:

KittensOnAPlane · 25/07/2015 11:41

i dont think i would marry him either, or even stay with him - he seems to have no respect for you

you should turn the tables on him and ask what would happen if YOU died and You owned the house? How would he feel if you wouldnt leave the house to him!

firesidechat · 25/07/2015 13:09

If he dies without a will the house is yours automatically. He doesn't sound very clued up and I'm guessing he won't rush to make a will, although I wouldn't rely on that.

If you split up after a short marriage and no children then you may not have a claim on the house, but the fact that you have a child together should strengthen your claim considerably and I believe cohabitation may count towards the claim if you have since married.

www.georgeide.co.uk/family-law-solicitor/short-marriage-divorce/short-marriage-divorce-settlement-solicitors-in-chichester/

He sounds like an idiot and I wouldn't be rushing into marriage with him, but that's a personal matter for you.

millymollymoomoo · 25/07/2015 15:31

Me and my dh have a will that leaves our share of the house in trust to our children should one of us die. We did it for precisely the reason your partner states in that I do not my assets ending up with potentially another woman if my dh were to remarry.

We jointly own and pay equally for all our assets and we are both named on everything and have equal access to joint accounts etc.

ToFleaOrNotToFlea · 25/07/2015 15:33

From someone who is married and not on the deeds and had to sign a pre-nup, do not underestimate the resentment and trouble this will cause in your relationship in a fee years.

AddToBasket · 25/07/2015 15:46

This isn't really about him dying, though, is it? It is about you guys breaking up. Fair enough, it is a big asset and right now it is just his.

You can see a solicitor before or after your marriage but you will be in a strong position after marriage.

Also, if you are getting married next week, is there a chance you are freaking out generally and you are focussing on this as displacement? I don't mean that to be patronising. I just meant that you might have loads of stuff on and this is just part of a whole host of anxieties. If he is the guy for you then maybe it is better to leave the discussion until after the marriage. That is, of course, unless you feel so strongly that you are prepared to ditch the wedding over this?

Original poster

TheCunnyFunt · 25/07/2015 16:30

No basket, it's just on my mind because I recently read a thread on here where a MNetter wanted to leave her DH but was afraid she would be left with nothing because she wasn't named on the deeds, and everyone else was telling her it didn't matter if she wasn't, because the house was a marital asset and she would still be entitled to half of it.

I'm not planning on divorcing DP anytime soon but that thread has made me think about our house and what would happen if we did end up splitting up after we are married so I've decided to do some research and get myself on there somehow.

His view is that we won't be splitting up, so it's a non-issue that I would possibly be left with nothing if we did. Does that make sense?

OP posts:

Baddz · 25/07/2015 16:45

You must insist on this.
Seriously.

ToFleaOrNotToFlea · 25/07/2015 16:51

You will never have an equal relationship

MarchLikeAnAnt · 25/07/2015 16:51

His view is that we won't be splitting up, so it's a non-issue that I would possibly be left with nothing if we did

Well, then he shouldn't have a problem putting you on the deeds should he?

Are you sure you want to marry him?

Fugghetaboutit · 25/07/2015 16:52

Don't you need to be put on the mortgage as well as the deeds?

butterflygirl15 · 25/07/2015 16:53

but it isn't just up to him is it, if you want to split up he doesn't have a choice.

I would wonder why you are marrying him when he won't compromise on such a huge issue.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/07/2015 16:55

That's very big of him, letting you stay in the house after he's died... Or if you break up

Getting a new partner? Doesn't he mean if he dies or you divorce and either of you get a new partner you should have a home.

I don't think you should get married and I think his views on marriage are very skewed seeing as you are the mother of his child and soon to be wife.

Suppose either of you inherit in time and use money to pay off the mortgage what will he do then?

Also if in future you work and contribute towards a mortgage or more towards the bills then if you go down this route it'll be money down the drain if you don't get a share in the house. Or half as you're entitled to if you got married.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/07/2015 16:57

So either he puts you on the deeds or not and its a deal breaker if not.

I'd also expect a bloody big apology for this just before your wedding and generally treating you as a second class citizen.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 25/07/2015 16:58

I think you might be better getting this thread moved to relationships.

mynewpassion · 26/07/2015 00:36

One way to solve this problem is he ring fence what he has put into the house (deposit and mortgage up to this point). In the event of a divorce, he's guaranteed this portion before divvy up the assets.

prh47bridge · 26/07/2015 08:40

Some of the advice on this thread is incorrect.

If you divorce after getting married you will be entitled to a fair share of the assets. That includes the house even if your name is not on the mortgage or the deeds. It also includes his pension and anything else in his name. If you enter into a pre-nuptial agreement it will be taken into account in the final settlement but it is not binding on the courts. They can and will ignore it if they think the result is unjust. The fact that he paid the deposit on the house and has paid the mortgage up to now will be significant if the marriage is short but the longer the marriage goes on the less significant it will be in determining the final settlement.

While you are living together unmarried you risk being left with nothing if you split. As soon as you marry that is no longer the case. In terms of protecting yourself against divorce it makes no difference whether or not you are on the deeds or the mortgage.

If he dies without making a will after you marry you will be entitled to the first £250,000 of his estate. Anything over that will be split. Half will be divided between his children while you will get a life interest in the other half. A life interest means the relevant assets can be retained or invested for your benefit. You can use the assets concerned and you get any income generated by them but you cannot dispose of them. When you die the assets in which you had a life interest will be divided between his children.

If he makes a will but does not leave you anything (or not enough) you will be able to challenge the will under the Inheritance Act. In broad terms this will usually leave you with at least as much as you would have got in a divorce.

firesidechat · 26/07/2015 09:18

My advice above was on the basis that they marry in a weeks time. Forgot to say that.

RedDaisyRed · 29/07/2015 21:41

prh is right, go by that advice.

Also if you are put on the mortgage and the deeds then that transfer is subject to stamp duty which is one reason some couples do not bother with that transfer as if a married couple split usually the other half gets some of the assets anyway so you might be able to leave it as it is.

Perhaps earn a lot more than him and buy yourself a buy to let flat and don't put him on the deeds for that and see how he feels about that!

HopefulHamster · 29/07/2015 22:03

You've been together since you were so so young, and yet he doesn't think you've been enough of a partnership to share the house? I think that's very selfish, actually.

MaryMOORE · 31/07/2015 09:28

If you are marrying for financial reasons and not love I recommend calling it off, your bf deserves better then you. It's his house why do you feel entitled to it

DorisLessingsCat · 31/07/2015 09:59

Oh fuck off Mary. That sentiment is applicable when people can live entirely on fresh air.

MaryMOORE · 31/07/2015 10:19

This is why I will never marry my bf, I own my house he gave nothing to it, we keep our money separate, and agree what we earn is ours. Never going to get stuck where he can take half my stuff.

He agrees so it's all good but op is only marrying cause she wants half the house when she did nothing for it, that marrage is doomed. Some people seem to think marrage is to lock in the right for half the other persons stuff not love. Why would anymore marry a person like that.

Superexcited · 31/07/2015 10:21

mary the OP had been with her OH since they were teenagers, the house was acquired during the relationship. She isn't some gold digger who just rocked up and decided she wants half of stuff that he owned prior to the relationship.

MaryMOORE · 31/07/2015 10:52

But she did pay into the house, she does now want half of something she never gave into, putting in dd trust if he dies is a good idea, she get to live in it and if she gets a new bf then that guy doesn't get his house, dd is not going to kick out mom

MaryMOORE · 31/07/2015 10:53

But she didn't pay into*

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