I'm not on the house deeds/mortgage and I want to be. We're getting married next week.

[TheCunnyFunt]

Some background, DP and I have been together for almost 9yrs, since I was 15 and he was 17. When we were 18 and 20 he decided he wanted to buy a house, I fully supported him and agreed that as we were so young it would be silly for me to go on the mortgage as who knows what could happen 6 months down the line. Time has gone on and we are now 24 and 26, with a 4yo DD and we're getting married in a week and I want to go on the deeds.

DP doesn't agree. He says that he wants DD to have our house if he died (as of yet, he has no will). But with a clause to say that I can live here as long as I want to and that she won't be able to kick me out. He says this is because if I got a new partner, he wouldn't want this imaginary new partner to take the house away from me and DD and leave us with nothing

I can kind of understand why he is so wary, his brother has been screwed over several times by past girlfriends and his whole family are of the 'take care of number one and sod anyone else' attitude so as well as what happened to his brother, it's the way he's been brought up. His mum even wanted me to sign some kind of contract to say I wouldn't screw him over before we moved in together, I don't know what it was and she never produced this document. I'm surprised she hasn't insisted on a pre-nup tbh.

All the bills are in his name, but I pay the council tax every month and the waste water every 6 months. I've put almost as much sweat and blood into this house as he has and I think it's high time the house was legally half mine.

What should I do?

She did pay into it by virtue of the fact that she has been looking after his child. If she was not around then the partner would either have to pay for childcare to enable him to work or he would have to give up work and look after his child. When you have children together it isn't as simple as who earns what as families don't function solely on earned income.
They have built their life and acquired assets together during the term on their relationship. He did not have the house before they met.
What if OP died and her partner got a new partner who upon separation wanted half of the house? Should the house not be in his name either just in case that should happen?

They are difficult issues and it's one reason in my view it would be very wrong to give live in lovers divorce type rights on a split up as plenty of people take a conscious decision not to marry because they want to their house for their children not their other half.

It does depend on your life stage. At my age I won't have more children (am divorced) and if someone moved in it would be on the basis they got none of my money or house and I none of his. I would probably not marry because of the financial legal risks of that.
Also if one person ist a home with children but does very little and does it badly and their full time working partner comes home to 4 hours of housework as not a stroke has been done and hours of childcare then I am not sure it is a 50/50 contribution - similarly if one provides £20k worth of childcaer and the other earns £2m a year it is not a 50/50 equal split morally in my view although the courts disagree.

But would the person earning £2m have built up the capacity to earn such a huge amount if he hadn't had the benefit of having somebody to take care of his children and take the pressure of all non employment related stuff? Many lower earning or non working parents provide a lot of support to their partners to enable them to build their careers and become higher earners. Sure, the person could employ people to fulfil those roles but some things (medical appointments, sickness etc are best dealt with by a parent).
I of agree that assets owned prior to a relationship should not have to be shared upon separation but I think assets acquired during a long term relationship are often the product of the relationship (especially if there are children from the relationship) and should be jointly owned.

Gosh I've been meaning to come back to this thread. Am at Mary's replies. Did you even read the OP?? I did and I do pay into the house. I pay council tax and the waste water. I may not have put as much money into the house as DH has but I've put just as much work into it. Your comment that we are marrying just so I can have half his stuff is awful and so horribly offensive to me. If this were the case I would not have spent 9 years with him and had a child with him just to marry him, divorce him and take off with his house

Anyway, this current situation will be ending shortly, as we have decided that this house is now too small for us (we plan to try for a second child when we have somewhere bigger) and we are looking to buy another house, we have our eye on one now actually so we're getting the ball rolling wrt putting ours on the market this/next week!

I will be going on the deeds and mortgage for the new house :o