Non molestation order - can I contact dh?

[breachee]

There has been a non molestation order in place for six months, following domestic violence which happened in front of the children. In the early days, he breached the order a number of times by calling me on the phone, just to talk. The police had strong words with him, and everything went quiet for a while.

A few weeks ago, Dh breached the order again. This was direct (non violent) contact with the children present, and he tried to convince me not to report it. He has now been arrested and charged.

Anyway, our six year old son was making bracelets yesterday and wanted to make one for his daddy. I made a bracelet too, as I sat talking to him. I explained that he wasn't going to see daddy for a while (meeting him at the contact centre has been suspended following the breach).

Now ds has written a letter to his daddy, saying "I love you so much and mummy loves you so much too so we have made you these bracelets ", and he's sealed it up in an envelope with Dh's name on the front. He wants to put a stamp on it and walk to the post box .

I can't possibly post it , can I???

Can you take the letter.out + edit it.to leave out the mummy.loves.you bit?

What provision is there in the court order fofor letter box contact.

Agree the and mummy loves you bit must come out too

It's not you contacting H but your son. Though I agree that you want to be making it clear that the "mummy loves you so much too" is struck out. Perhaps ask him to write it again and explain that you don't love him any more so he can't write that? God, it's a hard one isn't it?

The trouble is, I've explained carefully and on many occasions to ds that I love daddy just as much as I ever did , but it isn't safe for us to live together any more. DH also knows this (eg of course I love you and have no intention of divorcing you, but my job is to put safe walls around the children so I will never live with you again). It's all so confusing. No wonder poor ds is confused!

I can't strike the "mummy loves you " bit out of the letter, because it's smack in the middle and is basically the main part of the text. Maybe I should explain to ds that it would be confusing and upsetting for daddy, and ask him to rewrite the letter. Also, I need to take out the bracelet I made!

The non molestation order says Dh must not contact me in any way, including letters, e mail, texts etc. It doesn't mention the children at all (their school thought that was very odd).

There's nothing legal in place about contact with the children . I just told him verbally during an earlier breach that I wouldn't agree to anything except the contact centre , and that he didn't need to waste any money on solicitors because the family court were almost certain to agree with me .

be confusing and upsetting for daddy, and ask him to rewrite the letter. Also, I need to take out the bracelet I made!

Yes this. Personally I wouldn't send it and let sleeping dogs lie. Far safer for your child if your ex leaves you both well alone. I would however keep it in a box so you can send it later if needs or court organise letter box contact . Not pc or the "right" thing of course

Yes , toffee, I think you are right. My instinct is to ' forget ' to send it, and just leave it lying out of sight somewhere. If ds asks, I will explain that I was uncomfortable about sending it, and ask him to rewrite the letter.

Maybe I should explain to ds that it would be confusing and upsetting for daddy, and ask him to rewrite the letter. Also, I need to take out the bracelet I made!

This, I think. If you want him to stick to the court order, you shouldn't do anything which might encourage him to breach it again. A very tough situation though, especially for your child.

You sound quite confused yourself , sorry if I'm getting that wrong, Its just if you're telling DH that you still love him and don't want a divorce ect but you must be aware of how bad it is if he's being reported for breaching a non mol. I know there are cases where partners reconcile so the breaches aren't reported because things are patched up but if you're reporting them you obviously know how serious it all is, But it sounds like you're relationship with dh is more confusing for you and for him than for your son. Have you done the freedom programme? Sorry if I'm misinterpreting! It just sounds like you're not sure yourself.