Any family/custody/access experts

[ImATwit]

Ex and I have been apart nearly 7 years (2DDs 10 and 8). Up until Feb this year he had them Saturday afternoon until Sunday afternoon, his choice. I became very ill due to difficult circumstances with DD1 in Feb and SS put pressure on him to step up and have DDs Friday to Sun instead to give me a rest. Glad to say things are much better in our home now, however we have hit upon an issue. DD2 has an out of school activity she would like to do, it is an area she is very interested and talented in. I have been searching for ages but there is no equivalent activity available on a weeknight. I have said to exp either we could go back to Saturday pick up or he can take her on his weekends so his access is not reduced, his view is that it's his time and he's not running around so tough luck and she will not be able to do it. Any advice appreciated on where we stand as I feel this is maybe a bit unfair.

If there are no court orders it is up to you and your ex to agree this between you. If you cannot do so you can go to mediation and, if that doesn't work, take the matter to court to decide. I would strongly recommend trying to agree matters without going to court.

Before you go any further you need to ask yourself if attending this activity is in the best interests of your child. Would it significantly impact upon her relationship with her Dad? If it is something that would have minimal impact upon her relationship with her father and she feels strongly about doing the activity; in the first instance (as a Solicitor), I would send him an email setting out why you think the activity is important for your child; why you think it would benefit her and how it could be managed (him taking her / contact arrangements changed etc).

If in a reasonable time he doesn't respond or wont agree then you should contact a mediation provider and ask for an appointment. Legal aid is still available for mediation if your income is low. This will give you a chance to talk with him in a non confrontational setting to talk about whether the activity is in your daughters best interests. If you still cant agree then it would be open to you to make an application to the Court for a child arrangements order to allow your daughter to attend. The Court will only make a.decision that it considers to be in the best interests of the child. Without knowing the nature of the activity and the extent it will impact on time with Dad I cant really advise you if you stand a good chance of 'winning '.

You have to attend mediation now before.you can make.an application to the Court so if.you do.decide to try mediation check that they can do 'MIAMs ' and can sign your Form100 (Court application) if mediation doesn't work.

HTH