Contact order amendment

[KissMyFatArse]

Can my exhb demand a contact order is amended to specify that when he isn't available for contact, he can allocate his contact to extended family/ girlfriend etc?

He has overnight access once a week (what he requested) but regularly cancels or tries to change. On the nights he does have my DS my DS sees his extended family etc then and that is fine.

My exhb believes however that it is my responsibility to allow access to whoever he Allocates when he is away for weekends or work.

For many reasons I don't wish to accommodate that, i have never had a good relationship with his family and find them to be very manipulative and aggressive.

I have no issue with my son seeing his fathers side when he has him for his access but when he cancels his access,then would it be likely a court would agree he can then 'dish it out' to someone else??

Anyone with any experience of this?

Q1. There is an order that clearly defines the schedule when your son spends time with his father

Q2. Is there a specific paragraph or clause that states son only to spend time with father if father is available?

Q3. So that we're clear, what your ex is suggesting is those scheduled times he cant take his son directly in to his care due to work commitments(say), he would like for that time to be spent with his paternal family?

If the answers are Yes, No, Yes, then how your ex decides to delegate child care to is his call, especially as its his family he's delegating to.

Without other info, those are the facts. In the same way he cant dictate to you who you choose to do your childcare should you not be available, etc...

Thanks for replying, correct on first 2 points 3rd point order states contact is for him and he is to collect etc.

I am not sure. Plenty of we mother who work full time will have a nanny with the children or use after school clubs and every single day the non resident parent does not object to that and that is perfectly lawful although I can understand your objection in this case as it's not to enable him to work but to have a good time presumably.

Unfortunately out of the past 20 weekends 10 of those have been cancelled for holidays/ stag doos/ weekends away etc etc.

The times he wants to give his access to other people he also expects me to do the drop off/collections also to his family who have been nothing other than toxic to me. The abuse I get when I refuse is appalling.

He also claims a discount on his maintenance payments even though he continually cancels, and I believe he thinks if he can get other people to watch DS then he can continue to get this.

I don't have an issue with my DS seeing his extended family. However I don't want to have to facilitate that for him just because he chooses to do other things on his contact day.

Either of you can apply to vary the terms of the order. Having Parental Responsibility means both parents have the same responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities. Each can act unilaterally with day-to-day care matters. That means normally either parent can decide what activities a child does, who they see and delegate child care to someone else during "their" time. Generally relationships with extended family is encouraged.

HOwever children need routine and if your ex is inconsistent/irregular with contact and you keep a diary you could ask the court to vary the order to reflect the reality of the situation. BTW under the CSA rules the reduction to the amount of child support for shared care is only for the nights the non resident parent and child sleep at the same address.

Stidw thanks for that I didn't know that. I've been keeping a diary for approx 4mths and have noted all his excuses.

That's reassuring to know he can't use his family to gain a discount as he has previously demanded to make sure I tell csa he has him at least once a week, which I did do previously but as he cancels so frequently now I've had enough.

I actually don't have problem with my son seeing his family and visiting etc even tho it may come across like that. I am just fed up with him using people as his babysitter on the only night he has him, and think if he actually got the order amended to agree he can do that then it's like he has been given the green light to ditch his son as he now has it from the court.

I just get angry when I look back and see how many nights he has cancelled and can't get my head round how his social life should work around his son, not the other way about

He can apply for what he likes but for it to be ordered he will need to demonstrate that what he is seeking is in the best interests of your DS. The factors relevant are in the `Welfare Checklist':

The seven criteria included in the checklist under s1(3) Children‘s Act 1989:

The wishes and feelings of the child concerned

The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs

The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the courts decision

The child’s age, sex, backgrounds and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the courts decision

Any harm the child has suffered or may be at risk of suffering

Capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs

The powers available to the court in the given proceedings

When it comes to an order your ex can decide who cares for your (and his...) DS whenever he is with him. It's none of your business and he is trusted (unless you demonstrate in court otherwise) to ensure your DS' best interests are promoted.

Remember - contact is for your DS' benefit, not your ex's. So he will benefit from time with his paternal family as well as his father. Stability is definitely a factor however so if things are chopped and changed so often a variation to an order can be sought.

As a final note it's worth remembering that if you are not happy with the order the correct procedure is for you to apply to the court (after mediation of course) and get a variation - not just demanding changes and/or stopping contact.

Lost dad I agree with your post, I haven't requested anything be changed however, the order has been in place for a few years and my attitude to it is if he cancels his night then that's his issue, I won't then lose my time to accommodate outside requests.

Seeing his extended family is good for him regardless of what my feelings are towards them. However his father should be taking him to see them etc not cancelling his only night then demanding I make it up to them on nights that aren't in the order.

I feel his priorities are not his DS but also believes I have a duty to accommodate his family when he doesn't. I disagree with that and don't want the order amended to reflect that.