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Original poster

how soon can he reapply for contact?

61 replies

pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 22:22

I will try to keep it short -

last week ex took me to court for access and parental rights. I don't agree and I want him out of our lives, dc is only 5 months. Judges said to go away, compromise and go back in a few months. All checks came back fine on him, and cafcass said there are no issues. I don't want my child around his girlfriend though, or her kids. The court wanted us to sort out the birth certificate and try to set up some kind of contact.
I told him I would get the birth certificate sorted, but haven't and I don't plan on doing so. He has only seen her a few times because I am denying contact without me being there, and he doesn't want to be around me for some reason.
I am trying to make him arrange the contact centre in a town 10 miles from me, but he is claiming that only the one in his town has gotten back to him. I don't see why I should travel - his town is 14 miles away.

We were only together a few weeks, split up not long before I found out I was pregnant, so I don't know him really and I don't feel happy giving him contact, when I don't know him.

He is saying that if I keep dragging my heels he will be reapplying to court - can he if a hearing is meant to be taking place in May? I am worried I will be forced to make baby available and get him on the birth certificate.

OP posts:
firstpost · 28/02/2014 22:40

Why would you deny your child the chance to know their father? Hmm

Have you reason to believe he is dangerous or abusive?

HowardTJMoon · 28/02/2014 22:43

What reason are you planning on giving the court for why you haven't put his name on the birth certificate?

Original poster
pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 22:43

I just don't like him, we don't get along, he never wants to talk to me or chat or get to know me, I would like to know the father of my child before letting him swan off with dc. I cant imagine the next 18 years of him and her picking dc up and taking dc from me either, its feels like he rubs her in my face.
I don't believe he would hurt her, but his girlfriend was a victim of dv and this worries me. I am just panicking that he can reapply to court, and I will be painted as in the wrong and unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 22:45

I have told court I will put him on the birth certificate, because I was told by my solicitor he should be on it. But I don't want to, I have told him I will do it right before the next hearing, but I will try and think of a reason to delay it. It just doesn't sit right with me, for him to be on it. I don't know him.

OP posts:
LunchLadyWannabe · 28/02/2014 22:46

Unbeliveable

balia · 28/02/2014 22:48

It's not DC's fault that you don't know this man though, and it is his/her right to have a relationship with both parents. I think from what you have posted the court are fairly certain to order contact - better to try and sort something out on your own terms?

WestieMamma · 28/02/2014 22:50

Sorry but based on what you've said here I think you are in the wrong and unreasonable. Your child has a right to have s relationship with her father. The fact that you 'just don't like him' is not a good enough reason to deny her this basic right.

HowardTJMoon · 28/02/2014 22:51

In answer to your question; it's unlikely the city would want to see you before the May hearing. The judge will, however, be expecting you to do what you have been asked to do.

These few months is the court giving you and your ex a chance to sort this out amicably. If you fail to do so then the court is very likely to order at least some form of contact unless there are very strong reasons why this should not happen.

MostWicked · 28/02/2014 23:02

You are being incredibly selfish and putting your needs above your child.
You haven't bothered getting to know the father of your child because you don't like him. Your child has the right to have a father. You need to put effort into that, even if that means travelling further than you want to.
The courts are not going to be impressed with you if you don't do what you have agreed to do and if you have made no effort to arrange contact.

Give some thought to your child's needs, not your wants.

PatriciaHolm · 28/02/2014 23:08

But you are being unreasonable.

He is the father. If he persists, he will be given PR. There is nothing you can do about it. He will also be given contact: little and often at this age, building up to more and overnights over time. The fact you don't like him much is irrelevant as far as the courts are concerned.

Fighting this will be time consuming and expensive. Surely it would be better to spend the time building bridges so you are happier over time when your child spends time with him.

And what has his girlfriends history of being a DV victim got to do with it?

Original poster
pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 23:10

I don't think its too much to ask that he does it in a town 4 miles closer to me than that of his own. he drives, although I know he has very little money. my boyfriend has my car to get to work, he lives in another town so I don't have access to it. It would mean getting two buses into the town in question, rather than one, for the one I want to go to. He is refusing to pick me up from my home for contact on the basis of its to be in a contact centre to minimise our communication - he should pick us up?

OP posts:
ProphetOfDoom · 28/02/2014 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2014 23:12

It's not about what you want.

Your child has rights and the fundamental one is to have a relationship with both it's parents.

You need to entirely change your thinking to what your child needs - what you think is unimportant.

Comply with the court order and get a grip.

ProphetOfDoom · 28/02/2014 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

workingtolive · 28/02/2014 23:13

I didn't know my father because my mum didn't like him. This has had a detrimental effect on every aspect of my life. I yearned to know him as a child. When I did meet him at 19 he was a stranger to me.
I feel that I missed out a lot by being denied the chance to have some kind of relationship with him.
I have some many issues because of this, some men don't want to know their children, your ex clearly does. You are a selfish cow to try to control this.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2014 23:13

You've got a boyfriend?

Do you allow him round your baby?

If so it's the same as your ex allowing his new partner.

Original poster
pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 23:18

my boyfriend has been bringing my baby up as his own, he is very good with dc.
I will go along with it if I have to, but I will do it in my time, if I have time and access to my car. I don't see why I should travel, or rush to get him on the birth certificate.
I don't know his girlfriend, I met her once and we got on, but I cant trust strangers with my daughter.
I've asked him to tell me which contact centre so I can check it out beforehand and make sure their facilities are up to scratch, I am not going to be able to do this now either, cause I haven't got my car.
He is saying I am uncompromising, but im not, I just want to know she is safe, and with people that love her. I don't know why he wants to see her, he has only met her 5 times.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 28/02/2014 23:24

You are deliberately being obstructive. Your daughter has a right to know her father - the real one, not your boyfriend.

PatriciaHolm · 28/02/2014 23:25

Given your intransigence towards their meeting, 5 times in 5 months seems not bad going. And you aren't seriously saying you can't understand why a father wants to see his own daughter?

LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2014 23:26

He's not a stranger you numpty - he's her father, not just your 'boyfriend'

It's not when 'you' decide - your feelings are not relevant.

OutragedFromLeeds · 28/02/2014 23:27

He has only seen her five times because you are restricting contact.

I hope this is a joke.

ProphetOfDoom · 28/02/2014 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 23:28

Howardtjmoon - you said you don't think they will see us before may? Does anyone else think this is true. He is emailing me everyday asking to resolve this, he now believes I am dragging my heels so he is threatening to reapplying for contact. I know he is on benefits, so gets this free, so not an issue for him to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkjug1245 · 28/02/2014 23:30

He pays no csa, I cancelled the case as I want nothing from him.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2014 23:32

Well if he's on benefits then you will get five quid a week.

It's still good for him to contribute though.